I was just reading through this post and I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I hope your vet trip went alright, but I hope you didn't just put her on the seat next to you in the car with a blanket over her...She needs to be able to see what is going on around her and she may actually like the car and may have had good experiences in the past while in the car. Plus, putting an aggressive cockatoo free in the car while you're driving is very dangerous for both of you. And I was wondering how you planned on getting her from the car to inside the vet's office without a carrier? Using only a towel is very dangerous, I don't know what her flying situation is, but one bite is all it would take for you to drop the towel, her, and to lose her forever. I hope however you managed to do this went alright, getting her safely to the avian vet is step one, I highly doubt that putting her in a safe carrier will make your situation with her worse, as step one of getting her on her way to accepting you as her new family is getting her checked out by a good avian vet and making sure her health is good and not causing any of her issues.
So often when rehomed birds are aggressive, biting, or refuse to adapt to their new home and have a total lack of trust of all people it's because their first home was horrible. Usually, in my experience as a volunteer and a foster for a rescue, birds that have been surrendered or put up for adoption online have been physically, verbally, and emotionally abused, being beaten, thrown, screamed at, locked inside a tiny cage with no toys and absolutely no interaction except yelling, and very often just completely neglected for years and years, locked inside a cage for years and years with no toys and no interaction beyond their food and water bowls being filled (hopefully), like they are a piece of furniture or a colorful, animated piece of home decor. I don't know the story behind why your cockatoo was rehomed but from what you have said she came from a very loving home that had her since she was a baby until recently when she was rehomed to you at the age of 10. So this bird's circumstances are very different than the typical, abused parrot in a rescue. This is both good and bad I suppose, it's good obviously because she has never been abused in any way, was well taken care of and most likely very healthy, and it seems she was a very loved bird. So she doesn't have the emotional and psychological issues that a lot of rehomed parrots have. That being said, she is a 10 year old cockatoo that has the intelligence of a 5+ year old human child and has been suddenly taken away from the only home she has ever known and from her family which she loved and who apparently lived her very much. And the biggest issue is that she has no idea why she has been abandoned.
I've seen a lot of rehomed parrots act in much the same way your bird is acting as far as the rehoming time line. It's like at first they are alright with the new people and the new home because they don't realize that it's a long-term or permanent situation. She may very well have been taken to bird-sitters and the homes of relatives or friends for a week or two throughout her life while her family was on vacation or out of town, so she's familiar with her people going away once in a while, but they have always come back for her very quickly. After a week or two she's sensing that this time is different and she wants to know where her family is and when she gets to go home. So as you've stated, not only has she become very aggressive but each day she gets more and more aggressive as she gets more and more angry and scared about her family not coming back for her. She feels abandoned. Typically, in my experience with some of the larger, more intelligent parrots I've seen adopted into very good homes, over time the bird goes from aggressive and angry to anxious, depressed and morose. They may stop eating, stop being at all active, and often times once the depression and anxiety start so does the plucking and self-mutilation. Since we don't often think about a rehomed bird coming from a very good, responsible, loving home and the possibility that their behavior is the result of them feeling abandoned and missing their people, rather than them being damaged by abuse, we don't often understand where the bird is coming from and what they are feeling.
I have great admiration for you and your commitment to helping this cockatoo get through the rehoming process. It's a long, stressful process for everyone involved, and it takes a great amount of patience and understanding to get through it. It also takes a lot of time, months if not years for the bird to come around and get through their feelings of abandonment and loss. This is why a lot of larger birds are rehomed several times in a row, their new homes just can't take the amount of time and commitment it takes. You have to think of it like a young child that suddenly loses his parents and he doesn't know why they left him. It really is the same dynamic, and sometimes thinking about your bird's circumstances and feelings in the form of this comparison can help you answer all of the whys and the whats you're asking right now...It is just going to take time, patience, and understanding.
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