First Conure and I Feel Like Crying

Owning a Green Cheeked Conure has pretty much been my life dream, not exaggerating. My mom always told me I could have one "when I turned 18" but I don't think she still expected me to want one by then. She then told me I had to wait until I had my own place. Needless to say, after waiting 10+ years it was several more before I had a place where I could keep a bird. When I finally got a place that allowed them about 8 months ago, I started preparing right away.

I had already don tons of bird and conure research and I set up a big cage that I have been adding toys to ever since. I finally got my bird, a rescue, who has gone through at least two owners-both men.

I went to pick the bird up alone, she was immediately very friendly, I went home and up to my room where she flew out and onto my shoulder right away. She seemed to adore me already until my husband came home. Ever since, she flies to him every time she sees him and then bites me when I try and get her to step up. If we finally get her off his shoulder she flies right back to him before he can get out the door. He doesn't even WANT her on him, and i've wanted her my whole life. I feel like crying, I feel like I made a mistake, I feel like I should have gotten a baby bird. I had many concerns adopting a baby bird and this wasn't one of them..


Somehow in all my research and obsessing over the conures on youtube I never heard of this happening or didn't pay attention if I did.

Birds are fickle creatures. They choose who they form attachments to, and sometimes their reasoning makes no sense to us. Several of my birds fell in love with my husband, so I totally understand. I also know that it can change in a day. One day, your bird may decide she no longer adores your husband and will suddenly switch her allegiance. Until then, you will serve her, care for her, and love her, just as you would do if you were her favorite. Because that's what we do. We love them unconditionally. You can try to improve your relationship with her, though. You can be the one that offers the most valued treats (find out what your parrot adores and be the sole dispenser of that treat), spend a lot of time talking to her/him (parrots really dig that), and do trust-building exercises with her (my guys love the blink game). Just know that you're not alone. Many of us have parrots that prefer our spouse or other family members. Like I said, that is by no means a forever condition. It can change in a blink of an eye. . . and then change back. Just enjoy her.

I've actually never heard of a parrot suddenly switching allegiances. In my experience, there are at least a few factors that come into play.

As for your current situation. The best thing I can suggest is that you remain patient and not show any frustration around your bird. They can sense it. Try to limit the amount of contact your bird has with your husband.

I think that because the birds previous owners were both men may very well be why the bird is not taking to you right off.

Peaches, my 20 y/o cockatiel does not like women. Whereas Skittles doesn't like anyone who isn't me.

Oh, your moms reasoning is also completely asinine. I got my first bird when I was 11y/o. He was a budgie and actually was also my first pet. My mom got him for me because my older sister was mad because her cat liked me more. That's because I played with it while she was too busy chasing boys.

I've heard some forum members talk about this - they've wanted a bird so badly, they accomplish that dream, and the bird falls in love with someone else on a dime (child, spouse, new partner, roommate).

Mark (Birdman666) has posted often about this in regards to "disfavoured person training". Essentially, your husband needs to be the one removing the bird and you need to be the one doing all of the positive interactions such as giving treats, showing new toys, trick training and rewarding, etc. Your husband basically needs to ensure that whenever your conure flies to him, HE removes her from his shoulder, HE walks away, and you walk in and do all the fun stuff.

It doesn't always make it so that the bird loves you and is all over you in the way you hope, but it does start to build a better relationship between the two of you.

Don't be too hard on yourself - both parrots and us are such emotional creatures. We're all a little hard to understand sometimes.

I believe that the bird flew to the man because of the fact that its past two owners had been male, so when it saw your husband the gcc flew to him because he was familiar . Should this be the case all you need to do with the bird is prove that you are not a threat. going by the fact that your gcc has actually flown to people it shows that the bird has allot of trust in people (or at least in men). This is a really great thing. I would begin to gain trust in the bird by putting the bird back in the cage and getting your husband to leave the room or at least stand back so that the bird feels it doesn't feel like it needs to defend itself and your husband. next you should bring your hand up to the bird holding a treat such as millet spray allowing the bird the eat it in your hand. then after doing this for about one to two days on and off you can begin to attempt to get the bird to step up by holding the treat just behind your finger (so their is more of an incentive for your bird to step up ). then press gently on the birds abdomen saying step up. if the bird steps up give it the treat. repeat this action again and again until the bird becomes comfortable with you doing this . By this point the bird should be comfortable enough with you to sit on your shoulder, and from there you can begin to give the birds scratches and other things. Remember while all this is happening it is fine to allow the bird to have time with your husband so that it will be well socialized. I hope this will help you and your bird form a bond.

Sorry it's so hard right now how long have you had the bird now? I would think if you kept spending time with her daily, feeding/cleaning/etc she would open up to you with time!

This is a pair bond bird.

This bird was apparently strongly bonded to a man, and has now transferred that bond to your husband. He was not properly socialized with multiple people, which is why he is biting you.

It's an overbonding issue, that relates back to his last home.

Retrain him. Socialize him properly.

My conure, Phoe, tolerated me, and worshipped my hubby. We ended up moving him to the small bird room, and my hubby has very little interaction in there with those birds. Phoe now loves me, and wants nothing to do with my husband.
Spend as much time with her as you can, and hopefully she will decide you are her favourite person

Okay...so I have experience in this department as well with both our conures. A sun and a gcc.

Our gcc, Franklin we got when he was about 10 weeks old. Sweetest little chap ever! Then he started becoming more independent and then hormones kicked in and then one day...he decided he loved my husband and wanted NOTHING to do with me.

He would run to my hubby, regurgitate for him and completely ignore me OR if I tried to engage with him, he'd just attack or run off. Franklin, although fully flighted, prefers not to fly in most cases. Silly boy.

Anyway...I was a little frustrated, but really more amused with this little guy who soo won our hearts at the pet store. I was then...the ONLY one to clean his cage, feed and water, treats etc...I am STILL to this day, his ONLY care taker.

We are coming up on 5 years with Franklin (I can't believe it's been that long already) And I have a decent relationship with Franklin, however he ALWAYS prefers my husband. One time last year, things were going GREAT with Franklin and I. Every day he'd happily jump up on my finger and give me kisses and cook and wash dishes with me and one morning, he jumped up on my finger, leaned out to me, like he ALWAYS did when he wants to "give kiss" and instead of "give kiss" I was STUNNED to have him latched onto my nose!

I could feel his little beak press tighter and tighter, I felt moisture start running down my cheek...he grabbed onto the side of my nostril like if I was getting it pierced...and well...at that moment...I WAS! A tear squeezed out of my eye and STILL he didn't let go...it seemed like eternity that I had a conure nose ring...and just like that...he let go and sat up on my finger all proud of himself, blood running down my face my son walks out of his room..."MOM! What Happened??!!" I'm all..."Frankie bit me!"

Well for 3 months after that, even though I didn't do ANYTHING to Franklin other than tell him "Bad birds bite, good birds give kisses!" and put him on his cage so I could go get cleaned up, somehow, in true conure fashion...it was ALL MY FAULT he bit me and made me bleed!

Still I cared for him, I'd open his cage and let him out each day and he would avoid me at all costs! Run from me and hide between the wall and his cage, or he'd run into his sleeper and peek out at me with one eye...but he'd have absolutely NOTHING to do with me!

When I would let him out, I'd have to put him away with a stick, to avoid him biting me and it was always a battle of him running and hiding until finally I won and he got on the stick. One evening I said to my husband, come here and watch this....I said, "Hey Frankie come on buddy" and I offered him my finger, he ran for "cover" behind the cage against the wall and peeked through the bars at me...I stepped back and said to my husband...now you try.

Hubby steps up, "Frank the tank" offers his finger and Frankie went running to him!

I was like...seee! That little stinker!

Frankie sitting on "daddy's" hand all proud of himself, my husband says..."he's just mad at your right now and you just have to accept it!"

LMAOOO!! But in short, that was the truth.

Franklin does go through "moods" where sometimes he's fine with me and then one day out of the blue, he's not fine with me anymore and sometimes my "punishment" will go on for days and sometimes months.

Soo...then one day online, I ran across a craigslist ad that just captured my heart and that's how I ended up with our Sun Conure. (he was 3 years old when I got him)

Hubby was gone (he travels a lot for work) when I brought Sunny home...I had several days with Sunny, him and I bonding...then hubby came home and that was it! Sunny was all google eyed for him! (what is it with my husband and our birds?!)

However, Sunny is interesting because he would get soo excited and overstimulated with Hubby, he'd end up biting him as well as attacking me to keep my away from him!

It was a bit of an amusing cluster for a good 6 months or more. Hubby had to work with Sunny and keep him off shoulder, away from face, neck all that, couldn't be out with us at meal time because of the biting.

Sunny was GREAT with me as long as Hubby wasn't home. So I always took advantage of Hubbies time away to play with Sunny and often we wouldn't let Sunny out with hubby and I home together so as to not instigate his quirky behavior.

We've had Sunny almost 2 years now and life is good. We have a set "social" routine with Sunny that I have my time, hubby has his time...Sunny has all happy time. No one has been bit by him in a very long time.

Sunny too..will be 5 in May. I'm not sure how much of this hormonal, but I'm sure with both our conures hormones have something to do with the behavior.

I've never been mad at our guys...or hurt by their behavior. I don't take it personally, I just go with it, I laugh at their antics, I take what I can get and build on it when I can.

I'm just totally amused.

Birds are totally individual. What you see initially isn't always what you get. They are smart, independent and challenging pets. But also..the most rewarding when you get over the hurdle.

I wouldn't trade my guys for anything. Even with their special quirks, they are the best. FYI...Hubby is out on errands and Sunny is happily preening on my shoulder as I type this.

Don't loose hope, don't loose faith, don't cry, just find that starting point and work with it. If he won't attack you when hubby is not home, then only get him out and engage with him when hubby is gone. And don't try to engage with him when Hubby has him, because that will most likely get you bit and your feelings hurt.

Sure, it's not the relationship you dreamed of..but it's still new, give it time. You will all find that balance.

Good Luck!

Toni

So much good feedback for you - I hope this helps!

I can only echo what most others have said. It's likely because of his previous owners both being men, as well as over-bonding and lack of socialization.

It's not a lost cause in any way. It is just gonna require more patience and dedication than you may have anticipated. But the end result will be worth it.

My half sister had a five year old cockatiel that she gave to me and I could not get her to even let me pet her when I first got her. She was very stubborn.

Birds do form emotional bonds. This only proves that fact.

Thank you for all of your answers! I was unable to respond last night because I discovered what I think might be a serious health issue with the bird and felt like a huge jerk for being so upset over who's shoulder she would rather sit on when I think there is something more serious going on. I think I am meant to post a new thread for that?

But I have spoken to a vet, and though her health is my priority I still care if she likes me of course, so I will respond now. Thank you guys for your stories, it is inspirational to see that for some their bond with their bird just took time, and for others though their bird may still prefer their spouse, they still put in the effort and time with their bird. That is what I needed to hear.

Also, to answer some of the questions, this is how our day goes so far: I wake up and my husband is at work. Neither me or the conure (we are still trying to pick between two names, she didn't have a name when we got her) see him before he leaves. When I wake up, I uncover her big cage. The little one she came in is kept open in another part of the room. Both have food and water in them. She is very friendly with me and will fly right out to me but avoids my hand at all costs. She will either fly to my arm and climb up to my shoulder, or she will just fly straight to my shoulder.

She then just hangs out on my shoulder basically all day while I watch TV, do chores, and so on. If I lay down slowly and fold my hands across my chest, she will make her way to my hand and stand on it. Otherwise, she doesn't want my hands near her.

So basically she just stays on my shoulder but when my husband gets home she flies straight to him. If I am in the 'bird room' (which is also a bedroom and office) I just keep the door closed but if he wants to talk to me or come in to get to the closets or anything she goes straight to him. He is usually tired from work and wants to go do his own thing but it is difficult to get her off of his shoulder and dangerous to try and close the door after. (We also don't know how to get her into her cage yet, she does't like his hands much either and we have tried perches and sticks too-she is all shoulder all the time).

When he is home and when he isn't if I leave the room while she is out of her cage she will fly to me before I can make it out the door, and if she is in her cage with it closed and someone is in the room with her she is quiet, but if she is alone in cage or out she will scream until someone comes back.

Thank you so much for all of the helpful advice, I know I have a long way to go with her, but I am very happy that she likes people, even if she does prefer men, and she is a very sweet bird.

Thank you for the update, but! Dang!! What is the health issue with your baby??

She has been making a weird gasping noise and when I went to move her from the cage she came with to the bigger one I got a big whiff of cigarette smoke. I have only had her for two days, thats why I said maybe craigslist wasn't the best place but if I hadn't looked there she would still live in a smokey house. I wonder if they gave her up because of the gasping noise.

Maybe I didn't say that about craiglist, lol, I can't remember. I just can't believe the amount of problems that have come up in just two days despite the research I did and the amount of time I waited for a bird who WASNT from a pet store

I'm so sorry. I know what that's like. I had a Senegal who well yes was my dads but I wanted to care for him and my dad liked him then got tired of him so I was his care taker. My dad started to ignore him and I don't think for the last month even ever saw him. So I was his person. I wanted to love him and call him mine but he didn't want that. He still wanted my dad and called to him. Now I then put him in the bird room after a while (after quarantine and vet check ups) and spent as much time with him as possible. He was a bit mean to me (he loved men and I am just not a man!) but when he stopped seeing my dad, he eventually became my friend. He still had some time to be tame and such. But we recently rehomed him due to family illness. So what I am trying to say is try to hang out with your bird just you and her and bond as much as possible. At least try to get her to be your friend! Good luck. You just got her, as I was told many times patience is key. Please try your home to be her last! I so wish Sonics last home was our! Also it helped to have Lilo to be my beastie while I was swaying sonic!


I just read your update! A health problem??? I'm so sorry! I so hope she will get better! Second hand smoke is so bad for anyone but for birds? Oh dear.

I cant tell you why the gasping noise but I can help you get your bird to go to his cage. What I did with mine was..once I got him taking treats from my hand..(walnut or pecan bits). I would hold them tween my fingers in the cage. If he wanted the treat he had to go inside and get on his perch. 2 days... problem solved. He jumps in his cage willingly when asked... treat in hand or not... but of course I still give him one for being so good. They are smart lil birds and learn real quick. I think the hand issue will sort itself out in time.. be patient and keep spending quality time with him and he may very well be your best buddy.

That is actually the best way I know of too. They see 'treats' as rewards for good behavior (or they should anyways) - so by using that method to get them to obey is great for training as well.

Also, gradually, begin playing with the little one. Introducing toys and trick training. Conures can learn to self entertain as over bonding can present some other issues later down the road.

They love foraging toys and playing with you. Mine loves little cat plastic jingle balls he goes nuts over them. He will play for hours with them. Then, he spends lots of time with me throughout the day on and off when I'm home.

Yeah, I have 'over-bonding' issues with Skittles. But it's just me, I live alone and rarely have company and I only go out a few hrs a few days a week.

Not to be morbid, but I've actually made a 'list' of care and gave it to my power of attorney/living will holder to provide to any potential new owner should I die or become incompetent. I want them to know what they are in for. So any retraining can be done with knowledge.

I should note, that for me - in my situation, I like the over-bonding. He makes me feel safe and cared for. Not like how I felt growing up.