Between a rock and a hard place

[WideO]

That is so funny... well, not the redundancy obviously (don't get me started on how we are destroying the workforce) ... but the man/wife roles of old, and how they are (slowly) changing.


8 years ago we made the decision that I would stay home and let my wife go 100% for her career. I was used to earning lots of money (consulting), got a huge burnout from working way too hard/much, and reinvented myself as house man, pet carer, redecoration workman, cook (I love cooking), shopper... It's one of the reasons I could spend so much time with the pets (although I shouldn't call a parrot a pet... they are tamed wild animals, aren't they? There is a big difference...)


It worked out for my wife: she got her promotions and dream job, went through the ranks. Sure, she did that on her own, but she could come home at 8 PM and dinner would be ready, house clean, pets taken care of (including their medication, both Labs had epilepsy), trash taken outside, enough toilet rolls in the loo, favorite drinks & wine at the ready (I completely stopped drinking 8 years ago after I was heading for trouble health wise). Played & recorded music, did the garden, grew tomatos and chili peppers, and other veggies. It was fun.



But.


It changed the dynamics. I loved doing it, but I'm not sure she didn't lose respect for me. Hard to explain, but I think I'm not totally wrong about it. I can tell you it feels weird and extremely unfair. So... I kinda understand how it must feel for women, felt for my mum; learned it the hard way. She went on holidays on her own and I had to take care of the (by now) older and sometimes infirm pets. I'm the one cleaning all the dog poop (twice a day, Edie is incontinent since he was 12...), go to the vet, notice when something's wrong with one of the animals.



I wonder how many women wouldn't love being in that role... She's smart (and I spent 28 years convincing her she was), works like a mule, has the memory of an elephant... so she deserved to get where she is now.



But... she started treating me as a doormat. (I won't bother you with the details, there are always 2 sides to such a story anyway, but let's say a few friends of ours said the same - even before I was aware of it)



I found a new job (well, project, I'm self-employed) 2 days after I heard "the verdict". So, despair is not in my dictionary (but that doesn't mean it didn't feel like the world dropped on my head). I work myself out of trouble, always did. Just need to accept all the feelings that come with it, and think "it's OK to feel bad, sad, angry, useless, old, ugly, lonely, betrayed..."



I would do it again though. I think it's only fair to women. I still think it was the right choice. I just didn't expect ... anyway, see previous posts.



I hope I'm not oversharing - this is a parrot forum after all - but I guess it happens to many of us; parrots get old, and families don't always stay together. I thought I would never ever divorce - actually, my wife doesn't even want a divorce as far as I understand - but I want out and had enough. Lines have been crossed, and love or not, there is no redo here.


Off to pick her up at the airport, and go to dinner. Yeah, a bit weird for a couple in the midst of a breakup, but it's that or drama and lawyers. Life is short, life throws enough curve balls at us all, so if I can manage without getting into petty fights or hurting her back, that's exactly what I'll do. Not to win her back: I want out too after this. But because... we shared 28 years of our lives together. That's exactly half of my life...



Anyway, time for an Oscar snack & a poo control round (usually not too difficult given the aromas that waft through the house. :29

 

[plumsmum2005]

As a mum to three new ones last year the answer to your question "Can they forget/start over?" Forget I doubt it, start over yes. But! It needs to be the right home and this is where it often falls down. If you can keep him with you hun then it has to a win win for you both. Terribly sorry for life atm, it will improve, best wishes

 

[WideO]

Thanks.


To be clear: the decision is final. He goes with me where ever I go. Without compromise; same cage (which is huge), and as much attention as I can humanly give him. Big window (he loves watching stuff outside) too, but obviously wants his "back" covered/safe, like today.



He loves shredding toys (I measure his health by how fast he completely obliterates a new one...), so there will be lots of those, and, like I said, some kind of monitor system. He's smart enough, he'll understand after a while.


Oscar stays with me and that is final.

 

[plumsmum2005]

Great news hun, wishing you the best

 

[Jen5200]

Very glad to hear that Oscar is staying with you! Having gone through a divorce myself as well, I remember that my personal well-being certainly improved a little bit every time I made a decision (small or large). That feeling of having one less “unknown” during a very unsettled time in my life was really important to me.

 

[bug_n_flock]

I can tell you are in pain, but your attitude thru this is amazing. Stay strong.


As for sharing too much? Not at all. I talk about some pretty heavy personal stuff from time to time. Say what you need to say. We all lean on people when we need to.



Hima has severe splay leg and cannot walk or stand normally. Last night I put a water dish in her cage, the first one she has had ever, because she has shown she can use it without getting into trouble. Prior to that, we were giving her water from a bottle cap a couple of times a day(we were worried about her drowning). It really is amazing how well they adapt. Her legs are out like she is forever doing the splits, but she gets around well enough to get into all sorts of mischief. I've literally had people tell me I should have put her down, had one person say I was abusing her and should give her to someone who will take care of her properly(by euthanizing her?), but on this forum people are charmed by her. She doesn't act like she is in any discomfort, and she is SUCH a sweet bird. She has literally never bitten anyone. And she is a year old in January. Yeah she will probably face arthritis. We are already giving her anti inflammatory foods like hot peppers and ginger. And if she ever tries to lay an egg that may be trouble. But we love her and she loves us. She is happy, sassy, flat, and a troublemaker. And a world class cuddler. I wouldn't say she is incontenint, but she does have more trouble than other birds, and some times poos on her self, or walks thru it. We are still looking into a budgie diaper but have been busy getting the farm ready for cold weather. Her favorite place to sit is my chest and we have giggled extensively about my sassy chest protector, and about how we should get her a set of implants or a wonderbra to sit on in her cage.



Hope you got a giggle.

 

[WideO]

That's exactly right, that's how it feels. I'm not out of the woods obviously, but I can tick some boxes, which gives some kind of feeling I'm taking back "control" if that makes sense. And the Oscar box was a HUUUUUGE one...



Funny side story: he has been mad at me the whole day. Pretending to attack and making angry sounds ('I WANT A TREAT! NOW! HEY! I WANT SPAGGIE!!!"), growling even. Usually I can whisper him down (staying calm is so important, it's never personal), and give a few scritches, but today that didn't work, so I just ignored him a bit to let him cool off.



I thought it was because of everything that was happening. The cat, me being in a pickle, the dog searching the cat...



Two hours later he was his happy self again, nibbling on ... a big feather he had plucked from somewhere on his body. It simply must have hurt/been annoying. So much for my parrot psycho-analysis skills LOL! Anyway, he's back to the fluttering & grinding (and the regurgitating, but I do my utter best to not make him do it)


Edit: sorry b&f, wrote this before your post, it's a reply to Jen. Have to run now to the airport, will reply later.

 

[WideO]

Quickie: LOL! That surely made me laugh.


All animals like that are worth saving. As soon as they are in pain, or really unhappy, the calculus changes. But it sounds she is perfectly happy. So no, I would never say "you need to euthanize".



We are best placed - provided we love our animals - to decide when they just can't manage anymore. Often, they even tell us (although parrots are good in hiding their pain, but you'd still notice). Hima sounds like she is a loooong way away from that moment.


Anyway: airport!

 

[WideO]

FWIW, feeling a lot better. Turning my sadness and pain into energy and determination. Don't ask me to explain how it works, but it does. I will not let this beat me down.


Oscar is starting to ask "Where's Benjamin?" Several times a day. He's noticing. Edie is searching too. Sometimes you wished they weren't so damn smart.


Came home yesterday to a disaster area. Old dog or not, something had happened in his brain, and he thought he was a pup again. Had been hauling all my tools & car stuff out of my office to chew it to bits on his carpet. The last time he did this was... 7-8 years ago? I mean, he's a 100 in human years!!!



He swallowed a few bits as well, but somehow didn't feel any discomfort. I saw the spray nozzle of a can of paint (yeah, I know, how on earth did he get that OUT of a closed cardboard box...) in his poo. Piece of a rubber glove. Some other things I didn't want to know (or re-use... ). But he's OK today. Phew.



Never a dull day it seems.

 

[bug_n_flock]

Some times they have the WORST timing, and all you can do is laugh.



When my dad died everyone gave us just, just absurd amounts of food. Because when someone dies everyone becomes suddenly ravenous? IDK. But everyone sends noodles. Or brownies. My mom's coworker made a lot of brownies for us. We each had one and then left the house, I think to go talk to the people at the funeral home. When we got back, Lily, our very old beagle who had been nominally my dad's dog, had eaten ALL the brownies and then proceeded to be sicker than that kid in exorcism, only with chocolate pudding instead of pea soup. She was thankfully fine, but the couch ewasn't! We didn't know if we should laugh, cry, scream, clean up, rush the dog to the vet. But it did give us something to focus on besides the loss of my dad.


My phone is being especially uncooroperative today, please pardon any typos

 

[Squeekmouse]

FWIW, feeling a lot better. Turning my sadness and pain into energy and determination. Don't ask me to explain how it works, but it does. I will not let this beat me down.

I totally get you on this one. Funny I was just talking to my husband about that. I've recently resolved to watch my diet and exercise and get back into shape, but it's a struggle sometimes to stay on the program and be honest with myself. If a stumble and I beat myself up over it, I fall into a downward spiral where I fail, I berate myself for failing, I feel bad about myself, so I fail more. Repeat. What I'm trying to do now, instead, is to cheer myself on for the successes and if/when I fail I tell myself "I can do better, I'm stronger than that." When I look at difficulties as a chance to learn and grow stronger and challenge myself, that's when I succeed. That's when I find myself powered on by this attitude of, 'Is THAT all you got? You can't stop me, I CAN handle this!'

Sorry if all that sounds cheesy... It works for me. Sometimes it helps even to share these things because I'm not just telling others, I'm telling these things to MYSELF.

 

[WideO]

Some times they have the WORST timing, and all you can do is laugh.

And laugh I did!

be sicker than that kid in exorcism

Bwahahaah. I have a visual...

laugh, cry, scream, clean up, rush the dog to the vet. But it did give us something to focus on besides the loss of my dad.

That's exactly what happened here too - sans funeral, although the atmosphere isn't exactly "light" either.

Dog to the vet.... Ooh!: chocolate + dog = certain dead. Or so I long feared. Apparently, a grown up dog needs to eat quite a bit of pure chocolate to be in mortal danger. It's not good for them, no doubt about it, but it's not as instant/bad as we all probably thought it was.

I'm assuming that couch is no longer part of the family collection?

The next morning, Edie had a bit of trouble with his hind legs. He kept "sitting" inadvertently. My wife held him, was worried and then ... the dog did his huge final dump in the kitchen...

It was a corker, and after 3 minutes of gagging, I said: "it wasn't his muscles or hips or hind legs: it was just the weight of all that poo + bits that unbalanced him/tipped him backwards". I swear we both laughed very very hard. (he does have trouble there, but we turned that around with a few steroid injections at the vet; they work BTW. Edie had gotten down from 36 to 29kg in a short time, 6 months ago. He wobbled as he walked. We did the injection thing, and 2 weeks ago he was... back up to 34kg. That is nothing short of a miracle, seriously. For such an old dog!

Sorry if all that sounds cheesy... It works for me. Sometimes it helps even to share these things because I'm not just telling others, I'm telling these things to MYSELF.

I used to think it "cheesy" when I was younger and inexperienced. These days... I know that although the words change, or the theory behind it, there is a core truth to it. It works. You somehow, instead of turning it against yourself (fear, shame, feeling bad, feeling loser, why can't I do this etc..), you use it as fuel to say: *swear word* yeah I will/can do this. Not out loud even: in your mind you go "just you wait & see". And then you do it, or at least you give it all you got.

It was - I hinted at it - what saved my behind 8 years ago. I hinted that I drank too much: it was way way too much. Worst of all, I was still functioning, I was still working, cracking jokes. I was a "happy" drinker, 99% of the time. The other 1% you do bad things. Nothing illegal, nothing really spectacular, but "you are not you". I luckily never did silly things, always drank at home, didn't hide it (bottles etc), NEVER drove the car after the first drink (working from home...). But I was well on my way killing myself.

I had to convince my surroundings - and my wife was the last to admit - that I had become an alcoholic. Me, never having had more than 10 beers a year before my 35 - not even in college! - had what the docs call "late onset alcoholism". Long story short: I went to the GP, we together found a place for me, I checked in for 70 days, and never looked back into a bottle or glass. The stats were against me: 10% of all people develop an alcohol problem in their life (Western world). 10% of those seek help. 10% of those who seek help manage to stay sober. Those are not good odds...

I said to myself: statistics may be true, but they say nothing about MY individual chances. Sober ever since, and after 2 years it became easy as pie. Even in a crisis like last week I never think "damn, if I only could have a drink".

That almost feels like a super-power. Like a shield. I managed. Well, with help, obviously. Some nurses were simply angels in that place. There are special people in this world, and you don't see them on TV.

18 months after that I quit smoking too when we got our first parrots. Ideal reason, and I wanted to for a long time anyway. So 8 years no booze, 6.5 years no cigs. Oh, and also started managing my diet and lost 34 kg simply by eating healthy over the course of a year. I can wear my fake snake trousers again I used to wear on stage at 25 years old...

And before you go "aha!": my marriage started to falter after I got sober. I don't know why that is. Maybe the change was too big. The change in dynamics... She still drinks - she is a "normie" - and I always made it a point that she could: she or my visitors have nothing to do with my "problem". I can pour a glass of wine for a visitor without drooling. It's like I pulled down a curtain for good and I don't even see it anymore.

I can sometimes see when she drinks a bit much: she gets seriously aggressive, and it's not a good look. Probably because I'm so tuned to drunk behaviour, but it's scary to soberly see how we become "someone else" after a flew glasses.

Anyway, oversharing again, so be it, I got your permission. But turning that situation around convinced me I can handle anything life throws at me. (up to a certain point obviously)

I had a bit of a "let's talk business" moment yesterday. I told her she should have been there for me with the cat. For US, for Benny. I explained that these are our children we never had. She agreed, hesitantly. In short: she promised (without nudging) hand on heart that no matter where she will be when Edie gets in that last stage, she'll drive/fly/run home to be with me/him - even though we are splitting up.

That is a result.

And yes, telling others is also telling ourselves. Writing it down helps us see it black on white.

Sooo... parrot related: he was in an extremely good mood yesterday. By 9PM he sat down on his drinking bowl. That is - don't ask why - his pre-sleep sleeping place. We were watching the new Breaking Bad movie, and at some point Walter White makes an entry, and starts coughing. 0.4 seconds later, even though he was sleeping(ish), Oscar continues THAT EXACT SAME COUGH. We thought it came from the speakers at first. Nope. He repeated it every time the actor coughed.

Even during the end of our marriage, the little guy manages to crack us up. We had to pause the movie as tears were streaming down our eyes from laughing. Which only made it worse, as he started showing off all the coughs, throat clearings, sneezes, and other noises us humans make... he ended with telling us "OSCAR SICK!"

They are properly funny animals.

 

[BeachComberNC]

So glad you decided to keep your baby. It’ll be nice for both of you to have each other during this time! *hugs*

 

[WideO]

Thank you.


In the mean time, did more thinking, took more action, and had a "Eureka" moment.


I have many friends from all over the world, mostly from music/audio engineering backgrounds. They keep inviting me to visit them in Canada, the US, Kenya, France, Scotland... but until now it was always "I'm stuck with the pets, sorry".


That will change now, except for ... Oscar. I can not leave him alone at home obviously. And that's where the lightbulb went off: my wife absolutely loves him. After all the discussions here, I hinted that I might want to rehome him (a little white lie, ahem) to see her reaction. She went through the roof, and shouted "ARE YOU CRAZY, YOU CAN NOT DO THAT, HE'S YOURS, HE'S TOO SPECIAL!!!". So one more vote, I would say. :08: She proposed - as I had hoped - she could do the occasional co-parenting when I want to travel or just for a night or WE etc. She often goes to Italy, Oscar has a cage there (same one as at home), and although he is my mate, he is still, after all the retraining, mostly nice to my wife. He accepts scritches & treats, and loves talking to her. He loves the Tuscany sun (I know, with enough shade) as well. He loves travelling in the car, looking out of the window, or talking about all & everything. He is fearless too, and we have a great travel cage, documents so he can pass EU borders etc. He may still miss me a bit, but will be with his second owner then, with lots of distractions, and only for a few weeks a year. It might even do wonders for THEIR relation.



How cool is that? He stays, everyone agrees, but I still can finally do some travelling as I had been asked for, well, 15 years now. And I can take him places too in my car whenever we want. I might want to look into a harness. I know it's late in the game, but I would love to walk around with him that way. I do not want to have his wing feathers cut. As little as he uses them - he prefers walking & crawling & climbing - it is his way out of sudden trouble. (but also a way he can escape, panic, and not find his way back...)



As an aside, he developed a ritual specifically for my wife: when she nears with a treat, he does a one turn dance, bobs his head up & down a few times as if to say "YES!", says "Hey, a treat!" and takes it. He NEVER does the head bobbing part with me. It's something he keeps for her, almost as if to say "I have forgiven you." after he fell out so badly with her. This is new, 3 months or less.


Just to say: we'll manage, and he will not suffer a single moment.

 

[LaManuka]

Sounds awesome! The most stressful thing for me if/when going away was trying to find a babysitter. Our bird vet’s daughter runs a birdie boarding service where all the inmates have to be vet checked and certified healthy so that’s taken some of the worry out but still... I worry about them anyway!

I’ve solved the problem entirely by simply never going anywhere ever again - at least not while we have our Crown Princess Lilly Pilly, she simply wouldn’t allow it. Purple crowned lorikeets only have about an 8 or 9 year lifespan so I guess I’m holidaying at home for the next 7 years or so - it’s not like I had a life anyhow

 

[WideO]

Sounds awesome! The most stressful thing for me if/when going away was trying to find a babysitter. Our bird vet’s daughter runs a birdie boarding service where all the inmates have to be vet checked and certified healthy so that’s taken some of the worry out but still... I worry about them anyway!

It is stressful isn't it? I have only left Oscar once, to be cared for at home, 24/7 by a very reliable friend of ours. I was still very uncomfortable. But I had talked to him a lot about it, explained it, and for some reason he understood. He was kind to the sitter, accepted treats, babbled a bit... And he wasn't angry when I came home, just incredibly glad. For some reason he wanted to ... lick the inside of my ear (TMI? LOL). Scary stuff, as he's still a little devil that can change mood in a sec. But no, he was glad, happy that we were back, no sudden biting.

I’ve solved the problem entirely by simply never going anywhere ever again - at least not while we have our Crown Princess Lilly Pilly, she simply wouldn’t allow it. Purple crowned lorikeets only have about an 8 or 9 year lifespan so I guess I’m holidaying at home for the next 7 years or so - it’s not like I had a life anyhow

Heheh. Well, I hear you. I have been mostly home since 2004. Our dogs needed medication at strict intervals two times a day, our cats roamed free but still slept indoors, then we had Oscar... Well, before him we had another couple of Senegals (also documented here on the forum) who died after 4 months as they were ill when we got them. Forgot the name, but they get it from their mom, and is the equivalent of human HIV/AIDS. We had their remains tested at our University (which isn't exactly free...), and they were 100% sure. That was heart breaking I can tell you. We long felt guilty as hell, until we learned there really was nothing we could have done differently. The first vet thought we had simply forgotten to feed them. I can not tell you how angry that made me. They had just died 3 hours apart, they seemed OK-ish the previous day. Sure dude, we forgot to feed them.

The person who sold us the parrots made sure Oscar was healthy, and would not accept any money; he agreed the other ones should have been healthy.

Anyway, just to say that we were apprehensive when we got Oscar (who immediately got tested, DNA included) before we accepted him. He is healthy and strong, thankfully. But that tied me to our house even more. All the things that can go wrong with all those animals. Did I mention I also have a pond with a lot of fish, and a small pond with a big turtle? And a veggie garden, and and... So no travelling for me, for the longest time.

I didn't know the Lorikeet lifespan was so relatively "short". If I'm correctly informed, Senegals can get up to 25 and even 30 to 35 when you are extremely lucky. Is that correct? That's really a different calculation.

So at first I was still planning on a) working yes, but mostly from home and b) ignore all invitations for travel. But now that I know my wife will gladly make arrangements to have him over (or come to my place when I'm gone) I will go for it. It's the best of all possible worlds for the 3 of us, no?

Making lemonade out of lemons I guess...

 

[CallumConure]

I don't know if someone had already mentioned this, so I'll add my own little two cents on apartment life with a bird.

I recently just moved into an apartment with my GCC, Callum. Big change for him, but he's adjusting well, however he does want my attention more than anything now, which is understandable. We're in a scary new space and he needs my comfort. Poor boy had to go from my house, to my aunt's, to a townhome, and then with this most recent move, a hotel, and then to our new apartment. It was a long road, but we're here to stay hopefully. I was with him every step of the way, however. I can't imagine boarding him; I really think Callum would not handle being in a new environment without me, even for a moment.

In my area at least (a suburb of St. Paul, Minnesota) A LOT of apartments were bird-friendly. I was surprised with how many "nice" apartments allowed birds, lol. However, there is a size limit on birds, but since you have a Sengal you should be perfectly fine. Depending how loud Oscar can be, you should tell your neighbors (above, below, next to you, etc.) that you have a bird and will try to make sure he isn't being noisy. We're not supposed to let our bird have free roam, but Callum has his cage door open and he sits on my shoulder or his stand pretty reliably.
(Edit: I also outright refused to even look at apartments where my bird and rats weren't allowed to be in. I have no interest in moving without my animals.)

I was lucky because we got a first floor corner unit, meaning Callum is not right next door to neighbors and not near the hallway. From what I understand, Callum can't hear/doesn't care about the hallway noise or the people above us moving around.

Anyways, I hope everything else goes alright for you! I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, but you have Oscar. You'll get each other through it. It's such a surprise how much comfort and love our little fids can give us. I thought the move would kill me, but Callum helped me through it

 

[WideO]

Thanks again, and it's a good point.


Oscar is what I would call a quiet bird. He can play on his own, then nap, then play, then fourage for food, for HOURS without making a beep. Sure, a quick "Hey, where is boss?" from time to time, but never really noisy. At worst he speaks or laughs loud LOL! Our neighbours weren't sure we had a parrot, even with all doors open (and his caged locked of course)


We only make noise when we do his call/reponse game. That game is we don't talk human, I talk parrot instead. I imitate HIS natural noises, and he responds with either the same noise or the next one. He LOVES that.



But "she" has already demanded I take my time and find a place where both Oscar and my piano will fit in. That means: house probably. Financially, she even proposed to chip in. Whatever is going on between us, she loves her bird and wants the absolute best for him AND I suppose for me. But I'll manage anyway; I want a place at ground level so we can also roll his cage outside etc. I'll work my butt off, but I'll get there.


But yeah, I'll need to manage it. He is flexible, we know that, as long as one of us is with him. 15 hours in a car you say: not a single problem, not even the slobbering Labrador next to him. The first time I had made a "separation" with a blanket and some washing line thingies (forgot the name). The first thing he did was, from his cage, remove the blanket so he could see Edie. As soon as his task succeeded, he was happy, and did NOT bite Edie's big black nose even when he fell asleep against the cage. It was like a "truce" in the car*. Same in the house in Italy. Not a single problem staying there for 5 weeks, as long as we were there. We could leave him alone for a couple of hours, no sweat. Just like at home it sometimes happened.



That said, I hear you: he will need extra attention. He will get it and more. He's fun to be around. He's beautiful. He's smart. He's a first class entertainer, and reads his crowd like a pro.


Here he is BTW:





They may be small, but he thinks he's 6 ft tall LOL.


* not that he is aggressive towards the dog in general, only when he's too close to his cage. And Edie stares at him. Patsy, the other dog, ate everything Oscar dropped. She was under his cage very often. But... she never looked at him, only the floor food, and thus he ignored her completely (except by calling her). With Edie he wants to rip off his nose. But when Edie's asleep, and I take Oscar towards him (on his stick), and lower him, he bites Edie's butt LOL. But very very softly, so the dog doesn't even wake up. Ah, the dynamics between all those different animals, it's a gold mine.

 

[CallumConure]

I love animals that can make their own fun lol. Callum is a good boy that requires my attention every few hours, but he can entertain himself on his stand or in his cage without me. Callum and I play the screaming game (as I call it) too. I make his loud noise back at him, he says "Callum" back at me. It's like we switch languages for a few minutes until he gets excited, head bobs, and then screeches. Callum is quiet by most bird standards, but he is a LOUD GCC. I love it anyways

Also, depending on your area, you may be able to buy or rent a townhome with Oscar as well. Prior to my apartment, we lived in a townhome that allowed birds.The townhome was ideal as we had our own private space and Callum was allowed to be himself. If you're using a realtor, make sure you explicitly tell your realtor "I have a bird, I need bird-friendly living areas. This is non-debatable."

And I got to say... Have a special place in my heart for labs, even if they do deserve the nose nipping lol. My old lab would always sniff at my budgie, Burd, who would bite his nose. Now, usually, that dog was quite mellow and very easy-going, but as soon as his nose got bit, he got offended! I didn't encourage that sort of behavior between the two, nor did I willingly let it happen, but animals will be animals lol.

However, Callum is quite scared of dogs. He usually just bails and goes straight for my shoulder, even if my current dog, a corgi lol, is more scared of him.

 

[WideO]

Aw, then you know the drill!


Labs - when properly trained while young - are such nice goofs. I remember - before we had Oscar - hearing the cats making a noise and a very low "WOOF". Patsy never barked, but 2 cats had seen a young blackbird that tried to fly away, circled around it, and Patsy was having none of it, so she chased her 2 friends away, sniffed at the little bird, and looked at me like "you handle this further, boss?" She saved the little guy/girl's life...


Patsy... ah, how I miss her. She was put to sleep on her birthday (that was a fluke), end 2017, when she started her 15th year. She was done though, it was the perfect time, she knew, she trusted me and the vet, died in total peace and happiness (I'm not crying, it's a thing in my eye, darn!). She once walked to us, with a funny looking beak. She then carefully put it down for us: a duck's egg. Totally unharmed, not even a little dent, nothing. They can bite with tremendous force and are very very strong, but that egg: not a scrach.



Both of them were the stars for the cats. The cats fought to sleep near/on top of them. They showed their butts - tail high - when they came in so the dogs could inspect them.



Patsy was too old when Oscar came. She was fascinated, but I saw a glimmer in her eye I wasn't familiar with. So I did let them meet under strict supervision. There was no real aggression from Oscar or Patsy, but I wanted to stay safe. Patsy would "pretend bite" when Oscar flew over her head (he was way too high, there was no risk, but...). That was a one time only thing: we never let that happen again.



Edie really really WANTS to be friends with Oscar, but he stares too much (with his puppy eyes), and Oscar does NOT like that. So at home, he clearly shows Edie he can go jump in a lake.


But when they were side by side in the confined place of the back of the car, Oscar wanted to SEE Edie, and then showed zero aggression. Edie is somehow part of his family. I also have a great video of Oscar suddenly flying off, and grabbing a treat we were giving to Edie. They are so incredibly fast!!!!! OK, after that, he flew the wrong way, and banged into a bunch of pots & pans hanging from the ceiling, en fell down. And then he's always suddenly 3 months old and we have to pick him up from the floor heheh.



Edie would never harm Oscar, of that I am sure. Oscar might react when out of his cage to something Edie does, so the encounters are always under supervision.


So fun to read you do those games with Callum too. They really LOVE that don't they? They get so excited.


Oscar is - sadly - not as scared as Callum. He is so full of confidence. He is the boss. He calls the shots when it comes to the dogs (and his humans often too LOL). It's great in one way, he feels good, he feels secure, I think we did a good job in letting him be a bird while still having strict boundaries. But I sometimes wished he was a bit more scared of things. After all, they are so tiny compared to a Lab...


Oscar knows when it's dinner time. He calls all the animals he knows to the table. "PATSY! EDIE! BENJAMIN, MOVE OVER! TREAT! LIE DOWN! BASKET! YES LIKE THAT" (by that time we are hanging over our plates laughing like crazy - yes, even today when we know we will go our own way soon...)



He then only called for Edie and Benjamin, and now... only for Edie. He... knows (which breaks my heart). Very seldom, he asks "WHERE'S PATSY?" and last week "WHERE'S BENJAMIN?". It breaks my heart. We mumble something about a rainbow bridge, and then life goes on.


He is so clever. But I hope you can understand how bad I felt for him in my first post, really wondering if it wouldn't be cruel to keep him with just me, while he lost so many friends (and soon his lady-boss...). I still think it was a fair question, but you guys all convinced me that it's the right way to keep him (and let the lady-boss be co-parent when I want to go away for a few days). And I know you are right.


I'm glad my wife was furious when I mentioned rehoming him. There was no way in hell for her: he was to go with me, and she would hope to be able to visit or parrot-sit. That's a perfect solution in a non-perfect world.


PS: even Benjamin and Oscar... have a look at this: