Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

[Laurasea]

A name is powerful thing. Both for him and you. Parrots name their chicks in the wild, I have a science study in it. He deserves a name. I think that would help you both.

As for under tge couch, take cardboard abd cut it to fit and attach under the front inside. Abd yiu csn do rge sane fkr itger places ge csn go under.

Also setting up his places to hang out helps. MI got a movable stand that i have a rope hope on. I have 4 stations or burd furniture fir my flock. They never use tge floor abd rarely my furniture because they have their own spots.

It w a nice to hear you have had progress

 

[noodles123]

Thanks again for the advice. He does the high hanging in the cage at least once a day, even when we are not vacuuming and when he comes out, he will go under the couch automatically. We would have to shoo him out all the time. There is also a cabinet behind the couch he could get under, so keeping him out from there would almost be impossible. We don't go after him or do anything to him. Hi MO is to be in his cage, on top of his cage, out in the little cage in the kitchen, or go under the couch. Very hard to get him to interact with us. He will enjoy being pet on the head if we invite him. This is no easy task. Which, is now honestly, making me feel a little hopeless. Even with stick/clicker training every day - he will not come to the stick past very close. i.e., I am now actually bummed out.

You are still VERY early in terms of trust. I could find a way to block off the couch etc...but something there so he can't get under it. How old is he again? If he's hormonal, that will temporarily impact behavior as well.

 

[MegZ]

His hatch date was April 19, 2020 - so about 5 months. I see little to no progress in terms of bonding. I am empathic and I can feel it. He is about keeping himself safe at all times and not about being a part of a flock. Again, I can feel it. There is like a detachment there and because of that, I don't see/feel any bond growing. I might be wrong but that is what my gut is screaming. Any tiny little thing he does, I get excited about but when I really look at where we are - not far. He is a young bird and should want to explore and play. Getting none of that. We have narrowed our names to a short list. We just got the DNA results on Friday and he will be named shortly. The contrast between this bird and the other two birds we had before - our cockatiel rescue who passed away years ago, and our beloved Milo, is stark - absolutely stark, and it adding to my grief. We are naming him and we haven't given up yet, but it doesn't feel good in the gut. It's mostly been a pretty depressing two plus weeks. If I have to rehome, I will do so responsibly, and I will never try to own a bird again, because I will have already broken two of my rules. I am sorry if I am downhearted, but honestly, there is no fun or joy in this. I said it before and I will say it again, I feel like we adopted a Romanian crib baby. Those children were unable to bond. Many parents had to give up. My husband is feeling disheartened too and my hubby is like the MOST optimistic patient man on earth.

 

[Laurasea]

I'm sorry this is so. I know yiu will find a good home if needed.

But all baby burds like you had before real babies not the age of this still young one. They are so open to everyone, GCC babies always roll around clown it up as little babies. When they get older most never do the rollypoly thing again. Older babies and adults just take more time. My GCC is nothing like she was as a baby.
I do wish you the best
And sorry for your loss

 

[MegZ]

Our rescue was 10 years old. She bonded to us so quickly. She came over to us when we went up to the cage. Love at first sight. Second one was like having a baby or kid around. This one is rather like torment. :-( And thank you. I wasn't thinking with a clear mind when I decided to get a new bird.

 

[Laurasea]

I too have had such a broken heart, as I shared earlier, I already had other parrots thst I loved, but I closed up my heart I was in such pain. I had hoped that time would open yours to this guy.

But sometimes we are a way ooint in tgeur journey to the right home. If thats tge road yiu go down.

I still think you would find yourself taking in a parrot down the road, after you healed more. Maybe a different species

As yiu see I welcomed home Orbit yesterday, and I wasn't planning on adding to my flock. I did feel that connection. But he isn't easy , he was on his last thread in tolerating pet store life. And he has freaked me out by starting to pluck just a few hiurs into being at my home.....ut was one stress to many fir him I think. Hopefully we can stop the plucking at thus early stage.... He bites he screams he lunges.....but I guess since I do feel the connection I don't care......

I so want you to feel the connection with yours!!!! But I support you in finding a home if that's what your heart is telling you

 

[noodles123]

His hatch date was April 19, 2020 - so about 5 months. I see little to no progress in terms of bonding. I am empathic and I can feel it. He is about keeping himself safe at all times and not about being a part of a flock. Again, I can feel it. There is like a detachment there and because of that, I don't see/feel any bond growing. I might be wrong but that is what my gut is screaming. Any tiny little thing he does, I get excited about but when I really look at where we are - not far. He is a young bird and should want to explore and play. Getting none of that. We have narrowed our names to a short list. We just got the DNA results on Friday and he will be named shortly. The contrast between this bird and the other two birds we had before - our cockatiel rescue who passed away years ago, and our beloved Milo, is stark - absolutely stark, and it adding to my grief. We are naming him and we haven't given up yet, but it doesn't feel good in the gut. It's mostly been a pretty depressing two plus weeks. If I have to rehome, I will do so responsibly, and I will never try to own a bird again, because I will have already broken two of my rules. I am sorry if I am downhearted, but honestly, there is no fun or joy in this. I said it before and I will say it again, I feel like we adopted a Romanian crib baby. Those children were unable to bond. Many parents had to give up. My husband is feeling disheartened too and my hubby is like the MOST optimistic patient man on earth.

I maintain that this is how it sometimes is when they don't "pick" you, but that doesn't mean it is hopeless. I'm pretty sure that with enough patience, empathy and confidence, you can eventually win over MOST birds....albeit, slowly.

 

[Scott]

Progress is uneven and often three steps forward, one or two backward. Sounds cliché but often true albeit disheartening. I do not know what to suggest other than at some point you'll know in your heart how best to handle an awkward situation.

 

[noodles123]

I guess I don't really know what it is like to own a bird who "picked me" (because I've always had random birds) but being "chosen" has happened in random settings, and while it feels good, it isn't the only way (truly truly truly, Noodles is so sweet with me- we are so close, but she was random). I have never actually ended up owning a bird that picked me initially, because when I have been "picked" it usually has happened with other people's birds or in a pet store lol (where I would not be buying)..I feel like you are shooting yourself in the foot to some extent (due to very high expectations). I know this is way more complicated than I can articulate, but try and just appreciate the bird for what it is, as opposed to appreciating it for how it makes you feel.

I am not saying that there is no value in getting a bird that "picks" you, certainly, it makes life easier...but it isn't the only way. Only you know you. If you are going to re-home this bird in a year or something, then you would be better off doing it now than later, but if you are in it for the long-haul, I do believe you will see continued progress..just don't drag it on and form a bond if your intention is to eventually re-home. They really are impacted by the loss of a flock (even if you feel your bird doesn't like you much...there are signs that he is getting there).

 

[MegZ]

OMG!!! Guess what?!?! He likes it better when I am bossy! i.e. - I am mom and you will do what I say. And honestly, that's the kind of mom I was with my human kids and how I was with our other two birds. My sweet Milo - he listened to me when he would to no one else, cause I would tell him I was boss and to knock it off. Well, this morning, I had to go somewhere immediately and I had to get him back to his cage. I told him -in no uncertain terms - to step up - like just do it dude, and he did. It was like an aha moment. I then decided I wanted to get him out of the cage later. I talked like I did to Milo. None of this - do you want to come out? Okay. you're not ready yet. NOPE. I said - "Come on" in a - I am in charge and you will do what I say voice - bossy - and he stopped running around the cage and stopped and listened. I had to go back a couple of times but told him to step up and no - no biting - with emphasis, and um....that is what he likes. Oh....like, you are mom, and in charge. My previous bird respected me like no other. Loved my husband, but loved me in more of a - you are mom and I listen to you way. AND MY GOD IT WORKED SO MUCH BETTER. He is now sitting in the back with my hubby cause I took him there and would not allow him to get off my hand. This is the first time I felt connected to him. Like - hey, I'm mom, and you will listen. That is so much more my personality. I didn't negotiate with my kids. There was not negotiation. And they are great kids. Very responsible. They weren't allowed to throw tantrums in the store or throw their weight around. And guess what - mom is here and yes she is IN CHARGE. And BTW, his name is Jasper. Ha Ha, he likes the bossy mom. He looked at me like - whoa - okay. Yes mom.

 

[saxguy64]

This is huge! I'm so happy for you. Birds can without question be controlling and bratty. They will test you, just like kids, and try to get away with whatever they can. They won't listen to you if they have no expectations. Teaching boundaries and rules is so important. I think you'll see a huge difference in the near future. Awesome!!!

 

[Scott]

Breakthrough for you and Jasper! Perhaps a bit of Alpha-Mom stature helped open the pathway for more Big Steps Forward!

 

[Laurasea]

Welcome home Jasper!

 

[noodles123]

LOL! Glad to hear it. If Noodles gets snippy, I have to act like a CRAZY, loud, super happy pre-school teacher and completely counter her rudeness with amplified and obnoxious enthusiasm. If I feed into her moods or hesitate she feeds off of that--but now that I think about it, I do boss her around...but like a character off of the Wiggles...amplified ha. Like, if she jerks her head at me, I say in this stupid high/loud voice, "don't jerk your head at me! Gimmie those toes!!" (plus the occasional made up, load song) and then she's like, ughhh so hard to be emo and vengeful when you are living with a member of the Wiggles on crack.."...and does what I want. I basically trivialize all of her moodiness in the same way, by countering it with crazy, over-the-top "happy" (if I were a spouse, we would definitely be in therapy LOL!)--- but yeah, once you have their trust, you can do some bossing. Sounds like a breakthrough!

 

[MegZ]

Well, yesterday was a great day. He was out a ton. He stepped up several times. He stood on my hubby's hand for several minutes. We had a good day. And when I say I am being bossy - it's mom bossy and not punitive at all. Just firm and kind. So, much better day. Gets up this morning, and he is doing his cling to the top of the cage inside wall move. He's in a bad mood and doesn't want to come and not coming down at all. VERY moody. VERY. I am glad we have some good days, or I would have given up by now. Absolutely given up. But, this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde behavior is troubling. One day we are celebrating and the next, I am ready to pack his bags. It's not a three steps forward, two back thing, it's more like three steps forward, and two and 3/4s back, if that. And, it's a - I've made a breakthrough/it's good/I am starting to bond day AND then a - stay away from me you psychos day. And, I have never experienced this with a bird. I know that my own bonding with him is being affected by these back and forth behaviors. He's supposed to be five months old. I wanted a juvenile bird. A kid. To have fun. to have interaction. If he is like this as almost a baby, how is he going to be as an adult? Soooooo, if I sound like I am having a breakthrough one day and not the next - the above is why. And, it takes the joy out of something that should be joyful. So, you get to see the back and forth and maybe someone else can see what it is like to have a pet, that is not really your pet. There might be something to him not choosing us.

 

[Laurasea]

MegZ you are blowing like the wind, hyper reactive.. it doesn't have to be decided this second. Maybe give yourself two weeks were giving him up isn't a possibility, and you aren't even allowed to think it.

This is a link to one of bird tricks vids. Im going to be trying target training ( sans clicker ,personally hate clickers) for Orbit because of his extreme fear of hands.

http://www.parrotforums.com/behavioral/87405-step-up-target-training.html

If I haven't shared this excellent article with you yet I'm sorry. It covers so much great stuff. There could be changes yiu coukd make fir his cage and home environment, as well as rituals and pattering

https://lafeber.com/pet-birds/stress-reduction-for-parrot-companions/

 

[MegZ]

Scott,
You gotta remember, that my initial reaction to this bird, from the get-go, is that something is off. My gut reaction is always my best information - ALWAYS. But, then what I try to do, is talk myself out of my gut reaction. That never goes well. That is what is happening here. I am like, oh, well see, he did A-B-C and D. I understand patience. I understand him having his own personality different than the bird I had before. But, my initial gut reaction to him, seems to be playing out. And any moment he does anything even remotely normal looking, I get excited. But it doesn't have flow or connection. He is not interested in us. He is interested in eating and staying in his cage and maybe running to the secondary cage. This back and forth reaction you see is me fighting my gut. I just called the vet today about something and she asked me how it is going, because when I saw her a little over a week ago, I said it wasn't going great and so she wanted to know if it was going well. I said no. He has now spent ALL day long in his cage, having no interest in getting out at all or playing or chirping or anything. There is definitely something wrong, that has less to do with his personality and more to do with maybe unfixable trauma. I talked to the vet and said I will give it time, but I think what is making the back in forth, is I am trying to convince myself that my gut is wrong. Normally it isn't. How many times have I said he seems like a Romanian Crib Baby? Like three times - over the course of more than two weeks. The vet said that she would recommend we hang in there but that it's okay to ultimately decide that this isn't working if we get to that point, because if we're not happy, he won't be happy either. I would think we would be enjoying some aspect of having him around and we're not. That doesn't see good at all.

 

[noodles123]

My thing is, you seem to be up and down (hopeful and then hopeless). You won't have a good day everyday with most young birds, and honestly, if you did, it would often lead to problems down the road (in terms of sexual behaviors, over-bonding etc).

I mean, you do you, but I feel like this is all normal...Your uncertainly and anxiety etc will also be palpable to your bird (no matter how well you think you are hiding it). They often mirror our emotions, but at a deeper level..They can see changes in our capillaries etc, so unless you are so good at playing things off that you could trick a lie detector, the bird is going to know.

Babies are only babies for a short time, and while that may be fun, the adulthood part is different. You could have the SWEETEST baby turn into a nightmare (where's the fun in that? It's not about fun, it's about perseverance and a commitment you make when you adopt a bird), and you could have a not-so-sweet baby turn into an angel. Just like kids, birds are individuals, and your last bird is an unrealistic standard for all others to live up to (in my opinion).

Again, if you must re-home, do it sooner than later, but I really think you are your own worst enemy here (but i won't sway you when you aren't fully on-board, so...do what you need to do, but know that even sweet babies change at puberty...so you could go return this guy and get a new one that FEELS right, but give it time and you never know...that is why I am all about adopting adult birds). Birds shouldn't be super cuddly and obsessive without any sass...they should have a bit of attitude and stubbornness about them...They take work when it comes to bonding, but that's the part that makes it a joy-- if a bird just is putty in your hands all of the time, it's concerning to me...they may push away at puberty and if they don't. there could possibly be something sexual going on...or lack of independence...or under-stimulation.

Noodles is a VERY well-behaved U2 (as they go) and I can do a lot of things to her without being bitten--like, 99% (even stuff she hates) because she really tries to be gentle..but she still has a sense of self. My point is, often (very often) cuddles etc are not healthy for them (even though that is what people tend to want in a pet)...They aren't human children (although their intelligence is the same). You cannot expect a child or a puppy from a bird who rivals both at times in terms of intelligence...If you expect cuddles and constant docility, you are "squawking" up the wrong tree when it comes to well-adjusted birds...look at them in the wild..Aren't they always a bit stubborn and sassy (even with their mates)?

 

[Inger]

I’m gonna say this in a lot less words than Noodles [emoji6]

Jasper picks up on your cues. Romanian Crib Baby may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Please make a decision sooner rather than later; either commit to Jasper 100% or find him a new home where he can bond before he becomes another statistic. I truly hope you’ll commit to him.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Laurasea]

I agree with above.
Also i feel for this bird, and my instincts are always what can I do to improve their lives, how can I help them recover from PTSD..

The stress article i linked for you has many ideas and tips. I can also find the links I have for shut down birds.

Birds read us better than we can ever read them .

I took my rescue Penny on , and our first meeting was her screaming and lunging to bite me. I took my re home Pikachu with out ever having met him , so there was no choosing me. I met his previous owner 3 hours away on the side of the road for hand off. They both are loving and bonded to me now

I've taken in medical fosters with huge behavioral issues, and rage. And seen them bloom..

Decades ago wild caught adult parrots were the norm in the pet trade. And people earned their trust and befriend them..

So for sure you don't have to be chosen to have a wonderful relationship.

Jasper certainly didn't choose to be traumatized by pet store life. And as a highly social creature to be friendless it is sad. He must feel so confused and lost, and is withdrawing i guess.

But if you aren't happy, Jasper won't be happy. I support your choice to re home.