I think I got claimed!

[kargo50]

This is the conversation I had with my choir teacher, with the conversation with my aunt pasted in. I don't mean to sound disrespectful of my aunt or my grandmother. I want you all to know, though, that this grandmother told me to leave singing to the talented people.
Me:

"

Today
8:46pmMy aunt

Did you go down to Grandma's and sing today?
8:47pmMe

Not today. Maybe tomorrow?
8:47pmMy aunt

Why not?
8:48pmMe

Ummmm, because I'm a chicken?
8:48pmMy aunt

that's ridiculous
8:49pmMe

I know. Tell me about it.
8:49pmMy aunt

Your grandmothers love you more than anybody, except God and your MOm. They WANT you to do well.
8:49pmMe

?
8:49pmMy aunt

well if you want to be a better singer, then you know what to do.

they would love to help you.
8:49pmMe

?

Really?
8:50pmMy aunt

what does the ? mean.

Kara you know that is true.
8:50pmMe

I'm too chicken,

but, of course it's true....
8:51pmMy aunt

well you have 2 choices. Sit at home and never learn to sing. or Go learn to sing. Whining doesn't help. Choose.
8:52pmMe

I can't go tomorrow, I don't think.
8:52pmMy aunt

well start figuring out when you can go. I think Grandma's schedule is fairly open.
8:53pmMe

Yeah, mine's a little busy.....
8:54pmMy aunt

well It's YOUR choice.
8:54pmMe

I know. But....I'm sort of busy.
8:54pmMy aunt

Did you get a job.
8:55pmMe

Uh......not yet.
8:55pmMy aunt

what are you busy doing?

schools out
8:55pmMe

Summer reading. Plus, my throat is killing me lately.
8:56pmMy aunt

Summer reading can stop anytime you want it to.
8:56pmMe

Not if I want to fail class before it's started. "

She keeps telling me to practice with my grandmother, but I don't want to! My grandmother told me to let my aunt sing, why would I want to sing with her? I've been trying to work on my voice and stuff, but i really dont[ want to do it with my grandmother....
_______________________________________________________
Choir teacher
Tell her you already have a voice teacher - me.


________________________
I feel claimed now. I thought it was pretty awesome my choir teacher referred to herself as my voice teacher. She said this the other day-"You did very well! Yes, I think you could do a solo. If I had the time right now, I'd love to work with your voice a little!" Apparently, I can sing on my own. Without a choir. Blows my mind. I'd need work first, but I think it's really neat that my choir teacher wants to help me.

 

[parrotqueen]

I'm very happy that your choir teacher has decided to help you; you need some support. It always makes it worse to go at it alone.

Best wishes!

 

[Auggie's Dad]

It sounds like you have your reasons why you don't want to work with your grandmother on your singing, but you're not really expressing them. Not that you should express or explain them to us, but perhaps you could find a way to explain your reasons to your aunt.

In that exchange it does sound like you're just making excuses or putting it off. If that's the case suck it up and take help wherever you can get it. But if that's not the case and there are other reasons you'd prefer to work just with your choir teacher and not your grandmother find a way to tell your aunt that.

It may be as simple as being uncomfortable singing in front of family at this point, there's nothing wrong with that. But from the posted exchange it doesn't seem that you're communicating this well to your aunt.

You tell your aunt that it's because your 'busy' - is that the real reason? I'm guessing it isn't and I'm betting your aunt is also guessing it isn't. Just be upfront with her.

 

[antoinette]

I agree with AD, be truthful with your aunt, honest is always the best policy.
When growing up, my brother Edmondo, started singing opera at the age of 10.
He began to take singing and music lessons. I was always the one giving him my full support. I thought I was being helpful, trying to "help him sing better"
He openly and honestly told me I should leave singing for the people that have a talent to sing. I was upset and hurt at first, never spoke to him for weeks, then got over it.
Glad I left the singing to the talented. He fulfilled his dream, and today he is a talented opera singer and lives in Italy.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF FIRST AND EVERYONE ELSE WILL

 

[kargo50]

It sounds like you have your reasons why you don't want to work with your grandmother on your singing, but you're not really expressing them. Not that you should express or explain them to us, but perhaps you could find a way to explain your reasons to your aunt.

In that exchange it does sound like you're just making excuses or putting it off. If that's the case suck it up and take help wherever you can get it. But if that's not the case and there are other reasons you'd prefer to work just with your choir teacher and not your grandmother find a way to tell your aunt that.

It may be as simple as being uncomfortable singing in front of family at this point, there's nothing wrong with that. But from the posted exchange it doesn't seem that you're communicating this well to your aunt.

You tell your aunt that it's because your 'busy' - is that the real reason? I'm guessing it isn't and I'm betting your aunt is also guessing it isn't. Just be upfront with her.

When I say busy, I mean my cousin is visiting and I don't want to just ditch her and leave. And actually, it's because my grandmother and the rest of the family have been awful to us since my dad passed away. They came over and got everything they had ever given him and sold it or gave it away to other members of the family. They inscribed my dad's headstone without bothering to tell us what they put on it, the list goes on and on. They don't really care about us much, and I'd prefer not make myself vulnerable to them. I've always been treated as the grandchild that should take a hike. This aunt's daughters play guitar and sing at all family gatherings, and everyone always wants more. When I first started guitar, they told me to stop that racket and go away. They never have anything nice to say to me.

 

[caliopi]

It sounds like you have your reasons why you don't want to work with your grandmother on your singing, but you're not really expressing them. Not that you should express or explain them to us, but perhaps you could find a way to explain your reasons to your aunt.

In that exchange it does sound like you're just making excuses or putting it off. If that's the case suck it up and take help wherever you can get it. But if that's not the case and there are other reasons you'd prefer to work just with your choir teacher and not your grandmother find a way to tell your aunt that.

It may be as simple as being uncomfortable singing in front of family at this point, there's nothing wrong with that. But from the posted exchange it doesn't seem that you're communicating this well to your aunt.

You tell your aunt that it's because your 'busy' - is that the real reason? I'm guessing it isn't and I'm betting your aunt is also guessing it isn't. Just be upfront with her.

When I say busy, I mean my cousin is visiting and I don't want to just ditch her and leave. And actually, it's because my grandmother and the rest of the family have been awful to us since my dad passed away. They came over and got everything they had ever given him and sold it or gave it away to other members of the family. They inscribed my dad's headstone without bothering to tell us what they put on it, the list goes on and on. They don't really care about us much, and I'd prefer not make myself vulnerable to them. I've always been treated as the grandchild that should take a hike. This aunt's daughters play guitar and sing at all family gatherings, and everyone always wants more. When I first started guitar, they told me to stop that racket and go away. They never have anything nice to say to me.

I can somewhat relate to how you are feeling as I was the similar kid in my family however I decided I had 2 choices,I could do nothing and prove them right or I could work hard and prove them wrong but the real measure of success is you need to do this because you want to, because you have a passion for it and not because of or for anyone else. I wish you well but remember if this is something you really want then you have to be prepared to work hard to achieve it.

 

[Auggie's Dad]

And actually, it's because my grandmother and the rest of the family have been awful to us since my dad passed away.

This is probably the reason you should try to explain to your aunt - I would suggest rephrasing it perhaps.

Sing for yourself, not for anyone else. If you family has not made you comfortable sharing your talents with them then they don't deserve to hear them. Your aunt may or may not understand, but if you tell her that you are just not comfortable singing in front of your grandmother (or other family) I suspect she'd respond better.

 

[kargo50]

And actually, it's because my grandmother and the rest of the family have been awful to us since my dad passed away.

This is probably the reason you should try to explain to your aunt - I would suggest rephrasing it perhaps.

Sing for yourself, not for anyone else. If you family has not made you comfortable sharing your talents with them then they don't deserve to hear them. Your aunt may or may not understand, but if you tell her that you are just not comfortable singing in front of your grandmother (or other family) I suspect she'd respond better.

I don't know about that.....my aunt was one of the people.

Anyway, I talked to my grandmother, and she said she'd call me at a time she would do it, even though she was over there doing nothing at the time.....she also said she didn't want to do it because she didn't have any instruments. She happened to call for me the one day I was somewhere else, and hasn't tried to call again.

 

[HRH Di]

Yes, family is family, but there are some family members who can be just as toxic to us as the worst "frenemy". Unfortunately, we feel that we have to keep these people in our lives.

So, if these were friends instead of family, how would you handle it? Would you be the person putting forth the effort to get together all of the time? Would you still be friends with someone who flat out said you weren't talented? IMO family gets away with a lot of crap - which they should to a point - but a toxic relationship is a toxic relationship regardless of any genetic ties you have to the person.

Sounds like you may be able to be more upfront with your aunt than with your grandmother. Let her know how you feel and if she cares about you, she'll care about your feelings. I don't mean that she should pander, but she should be considerate.

 

[Bobby34231]

God, grant us the...Serenity to accept things we cannot change,Courage to change the things we can, and theWisdom to know the differencePatience for the things that take timeAppreciation for all that we have, andTolerance for those with different strugglesFreedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, theAbility to feel your love for us and our love for each other and theStrength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

 

[kargo50]

Well, this was why I didn't want to do this. I got suckered into going. Honestly.....I'm getting so tired of being put down all the time. I just went over to my grandmother's house to sing. My grandmother was like, "Honey, you need to learn how to sing!" And then she told her friend all about how she had 2 talented granddaughters and one talented grandson who can all play guitar and sing....and one daughter, two. Yeah, I wasn't included in that. (Hence why I haven't told her I've picked guitar back up!!!!!!!) I was sitting right there. My cousin (who is actually a friends) whispers to me, "She forgot one." I go, "Yeah, I know. That's because I'm not talented." I just felt so.......unloved. Honestly, I'm so tired of hearing all my cousins and all told to play and sing more at family reunions when the only thing I'm told is, "Shut that racket up!" I don't know why people want to hear me sing or play. All I can do is make "racket." Oh, I forgot.....she also told her guest that I was planning on being in choir this year, so I needed to learn how to sing. I've been in choir for 3 years, this will be my fourth.....evidently it doesn't show in the slightest.


Here's a video of me singing I took the other day. [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfZSfIkY6n8[/ame]