Mourning a tragic loss

[lschlatter]

Hello everyone, I feel like the worst possible person alive, as I slept with my GCC and I crushed her.

Her name was Honey, and I never did a gender test, but the vet said Honey acted like a female. I had her for 4 years and slept with her at night for 3. I didn't sleep with her consistently until recently, and I wish I would've come across this website before it was too late. 2 days ago, I woke up to Honey lifeless next to me. The worst part is, i'm pretty sure I know the exact moment it happened because I woke up slightly at 4am and heard her squawk lightly, not thinking anything of it and went back to sleep. I woke up an hour later to get ready for work and found her. She was my entire world, and as much as my family is trying to help me, they just don't understand. I knew better but I still slept with her, and the sound she made haunts me. I hear it almost constantly, especially at night. I did everything with her when I got ready for work in the morning, and I've never felt more alone than I do now. Her absence is more gutting than anything I've ever experienced before. I thought I knew what heart break felt like, but this is so much worse. The silence in my apartment in defanging, and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I can't say any of this to the friends and family around me, as I said before they just don't understand as they never had a bird before. I guess I just needed to get this out, so someone knew how I felt. I know I will want another GCC eventually, however I don't know if or when I'll get over this, or ever trust myself with another bird again. I buried her 1 day ago and it still doesn't seem real that she is gone. Does it ever get better?

 

[LaManuka]

Hello everyone, I feel like the worst possible person alive, as I slept with my GCC and I crushed her.

Her name was Honey, and I never did a gender test, but the vet said Honey acted like a female. I had her for 4 years and slept with her at night for 3. I didn't sleep with her consistently until recently, and I wish I would've come across this website before it was too late. 2 days ago, I woke up to Honey lifeless next to me. The worst part is, i'm pretty sure I know the exact moment it happened because I woke up slightly at 4am and heard her squawk lightly, not thinking anything of it and went back to sleep. I woke up an hour later to get ready for work and found her. She was my entire world, and as much as my family is trying to help me, they just don't understand. I knew better but I still slept with her, and the sound she made haunts me. I hear it almost constantly, especially at night. I did everything with her when I got ready for work in the morning, and I've never felt more alone than I do now. Her absence is more gutting than anything I've ever experienced before. I thought I knew what heart break felt like, but this is so much worse. The silence in my apartment in defanging, and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I can't say any of this to the friends and family around me, as I said before they just don't understand as they never had a bird before. I guess I just needed to get this out, so someone knew how I felt. I know I will want another GCC eventually, however I don't know if or when I'll get over this, or ever trust myself with another bird again. I buried her 1 day ago and it still doesn't seem real that she is gone. Does it ever get better?

Welcome to the forums, @lschlatter, though I am very sorry for the awful circumstances that brought you here. Please know that you are among folks here who most certainly understand how heartbreaking it is to lose a bird, all the more so in a situation such as you have described - I know that it is only through the grace of God that I haven't lost one similarly to the way you lost yours and many others here can most certainly relate. It does get better, I have had my heart broken over the loss of "heart birds" and still cry for them though it may be years later, but we do learn to live with it. Please be kind to yourself and try to forgive yourself, though I know that is SO much easier said than done. If it is of any comfort to you at all, know that Honey knew very well how much you loved her, that you NEVER meant for this to happen and she would not ever blame you for this terrible accident, and an accident is exactly what it was, though a truly terrible one. It will take time but I do think you will be able to bring another bird into your home and your heart some day, Honey would want this for you and for another bird to know your love. Sending prayers that your heart will find healing, and my very deepest condolences for your loss. 🫶 💝

 

[lschlatter]

Welcome to the forums, @lschlatter, though I am very sorry for the awful circumstances that brought you here. Please know that you are among folks here who most certainly understand how heartbreaking it is to lose a bird, all the more so in a situation such as you have described - I know that it is only through the grace of God that I haven't lost one similarly to the way you lost yours and many others here can most certainly relate. It does get better, I have had my heart broken over the loss of "heart birds" and still cry for them though it may be years later, but we do learn to live with it. Please be kind to yourself and try to forgive yourself, though I know that is SO much easier said than done. If it is of any comfort to you at all, know that Honey knew very well how much you loved her, that you NEVER meant for this to happen and she would not ever blame you for this terrible accident, and an accident is exactly what it was, though a truly terrible one. It will take time but I do think you will be able to bring another bird into your home and your heart some day, Honey would want this for you and for another bird to know your love. Sending prayers that your heart will find healing, and my very deepest condolences for your loss. 🫶 💝

Thank you so very much for your kind words. They mean a lot.

 

[LaManuka]

Thank you so very much for your kind words. They mean a lot.

Oh you're more than welcome, @lschlatter, I'm glad to have been of some help to you at this deeply distressing time. By the way, did you know we have a sub-forum specifically for "Bereavement"? Please let me know if you'd like me to move this thread there for you and I will be happy to do so

 

[lschlatter]

Oh you're more than welcome, @lschlatter, I'm glad to have been of some help to you at this deeply distressing time. By the way, did you know we have a sub-forum specifically for "Bereavement"? Please let me know if you'd like me to move this thread there for you and I will be happy to do so

That would be perfect, thank you

 

[LaManuka]

That would be perfect, thank you

No trouble, thank you, I'll do that for you now

 

[Sunflower89]

I am so sorry for your loss. It is the worst pain to lose your birdie. Just know there are others out there who completely understand your pain. Sometimes a person just dosen't realize these things. There are just so many things to watch when it comes to a birdie. Innocent things can just be so dangerous to them. I am not sure what will work for you but sometimes people tell stories about them and I am here to listen.

 

[marina&zizel]

I'm very sorry for your loss I don't have much to say for support, I don't know what I'd want to hear in a similar situation.
All I can say is that you're not alone, a few years ago I stepped on my baby lovebird. We had spent so little time together but I still remember her.

 

[Free as a bird]

Ouch my condolences. That's happens a fair bit. It's worth enforcing a "no sleeping in the same" place rule

 

[Chrissiejingles]

Hello everyone, I feel like the worst possible person alive, as I slept with my GCC and I crushed her.

Her name was Honey, and I never did a gender test, but the vet said Honey acted like a female. I had her for 4 years and slept with her at night for 3. I didn't sleep with her consistently until recently, and I wish I would've come across this website before it was too late. 2 days ago, I woke up to Honey lifeless next to me. The worst part is, i'm pretty sure I know the exact moment it happened because I woke up slightly at 4am and heard her squawk lightly, not thinking anything of it and went back to sleep. I woke up an hour later to get ready for work and found her. She was my entire world, and as much as my family is trying to help me, they just don't understand. I knew better but I still slept with her, and the sound she made haunts me. I hear it almost constantly, especially at night. I did everything with her when I got ready for work in the morning, and I've never felt more alone than I do now. Her absence is more gutting than anything I've ever experienced before. I thought I knew what heart break felt like, but this is so much worse. The silence in my apartment in defanging, and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I can't say any of this to the friends and family around me, as I said before they just don't understand as they never had a bird before. I guess I just needed to get this out, so someone knew how I felt. I know I will want another GCC eventually, however I don't know if or when I'll get over this, or ever trust myself with another bird again. I buried her 1 day ago and it still doesn't seem real that she is gone. Does it ever get better?

I'm so sorry for your loss.
There are many of us on here who have lost a beloved bird tragically, because of a terrible accident.
It is so hard. There is guilt, regret and sadness to deal with, which is a lot to cope with.
The only way I deal with it is to think that we gave our treasured little friends the best life ....a lot of poor little birds never have that.
Accidents happen because we are trying to give them happiness and freedom and the opportunity to spend time out of a cage.
It will be hard for you but eventually you will treasure all the good memories and know that your precious little friend is in your heart for always.

 

[4 way borbs]

I understand, I lost my parakeet Lapis Lazuli when she was only seven months old. My girls are my life and soul. I hope you will be better soon,😟

 

[melissa87]

Hello lschlatter
Your post was extremely sad to me. The exact same thing happened to us in the beginning of the year. It was a terrible terrible day. I am so sorry for your loss. Please let me know if you want to talk about anything.

 

[ShirleyJean1966]

Awe! I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Blue Gold Macaw Scooter last August at age of 30. She fell off the perch, fell to bottom of her cage. Flopped 3 times and screached. She rolled over and was gone. I still miss her terribly. Birds are our family members and not many people realize the bond we have with them. Each day will get easier but you never stop missing them. Hang in there.... May God bless you in your grief. Best wishes!