My heart still hurts.

[getwozzy]

It's been almost 3 months since Jackie passed away. I thought it would get easier and the tears would be less, but I was wrong. I still have a hole in my heart that can't be filled yet. I'm still crying my eyes out over losing him. I still don't understand why he left me so soon. He taught me so much about being a parront, and it was just the tip of the iceberg.

I have always been an animal lover, and I've had multiple types of animals; snakes, a turtle, fish, dogs, cats, livestock, and little birds here and there. My dream profession "when I grow up" was to be a veterinarian. Well, I think it's a little late for that, and I feel called to do something else. I've always been a sucker for rescuing animals.

When the opportunity arose to adopt Jackie, I couldn't refuse because I *knew* for a fact that nobody in that family could've dealt with his issues successfully. He would've been deemed ***highly*** aggressive, a biter, and who knows where he would've ended up. I had NO idea what I was doing, but I had faith that it would turn out ok.

And it did turn out ok. MORE than ok, things were GREAT! Jackie opened up and he was becoming such a wonderful little guy, and it was hard to think that he was vicious at one point. Ok, he still had a bad day every now and then, but overall things were awesome.

It was the most amazing feeling knowing how far he had come, and all the patience and love we showered him with. I knew that things would keep getting better and better with him...

And then he was gone.

I sat there holding him, pleading for him to come back, don't leave me, please!! It was me that needed him. He was there to teach me to love through all the anger and madness, and to love no matter what. And it wasn't fair that he was gone in the blink of an eye. I will *never* forget the scared and frightened look in his eyes of that day. And there was nothing I could've done to help him.

http://i1319.photobucket.com/albums...6D2C6B4-4674-00000324F5098B3E_zps1e63f7d4.mp4

 

[Terry57]

What a beautiful boy he was. I am so sorry for your pain, but so glad for the wonderful life you gave him.

 

[goalerjones]

I am sorry for your loss. When I lost George similar feelings plagued me too. Can I ask what happened? Is there a link to another thread maybe you can post?

 

[SandyBee]

I remember when you first got Jackie and he did teach you so much, always be thankful for that. You were there for him, you made his life a better place so he no longer had to be alone and in a back room. He passed knowing love and happiness, there is no greater gift.
You made me cry too with this post, I wish he could of had more time, but it wasn't meant to be. Your heart will always remember him and I hope that one day the pain subsides and your filled with all the great and precious moments you too shared. He helped shape who you are today and I'm sure he is ever thankful to you as well.

 

[getwozzy]

I am sorry for your loss. When I lost George similar feelings plagued me too. Can I ask what happened? Is there a link to another thread maybe you can post?

http://www.parrotforums.com/showthread.php?t=35147

 

[Birdman666]

I lost my BFA in 2009, and all three conures in 2010. It still hurts, from time to time. Even with five other spoiled rotten birds in the house. In a way, because they are so bonded, it's almost like losing a small child...

There are things that remind me of the ones I have lost every once in awhile.

But they were loved when they were with me, and all living things die...

Enjoy it while you've got it, cuz it doesn't last long.

 

[getwozzy]

See the thing is, before getting Jackie I didn't understand or know the process of building trust and bonds with birds and the feelings that would result. He had me hook, line, and sinker. Parrots are so amazing, smart, funny, emotional, needy, empathetic, and like Birdman said- a small child in many ways.

The feeling of losing him was greater than I anticipated. I have lost many pets through death, but none have hurt as much as losing Jackie.

 

[strudel]

Some pets are "special". I try to look outside myself and my feelings and consider the needs of the other pets. If somebody needs a home, I don't think "oh, you're not a patch on my other cat, you aren't good enough" I just think "yep, you need a home, I've got a spot, get your stuff and move in".

There'll be other birds who need you. Your relationship will be different but it'll be special in its own way. It won't be the same as the special bond you had with Jackie, but it'll still be worthwhile.

When you're ready. 3 months hasn't been enough for you this time. When it's time, you'll know.

 

[Mayden]

My heart aches for you, it never does heal and I'm sorry for that. xx

 

[getwozzy]

Strudel you make some good points. My goal is that once we're in our new house and we get set up, I would like to either be a foster parront or adopt another bird (or birds!) in need of a home.

 

[ruffledfeathers]

I loved the video. It made me cry and I'm sure the memories make you smile and cry at the same time. I don't think you ever "get over" anyone, human or animal, that you loved and lost, but it just eases up in time. He probably changed your life, as you changed his, and you will likely see every bird you care for a little differently forever, in his memory. And that's a good thing.

 

[crimson]

now my eyes are brimming with tears....it took me a minute compose myself....just 6 days into Safari's death I am where you are.

I will not derail your thread, but when a parrot dies, part of you goes with it, and you are left with only precious memories.

Trying hard not to cry is virtually impossible, accepting it is even harder....but we must, we hate it like he**, and it really hurts, but nothing comes of wishing what was.

I am still extremely angry HOW Safari died, and I too, still have a very disturbing image of him the last time I saw him....he looked so small and helpless.

It's just something we have to deal with, and it hurts.
someday in time, we will get over our beloved parrots, and move on

HUGS to you getwozzy
Beth

 

[goalerjones]

Wozzy, after re reading that post I recall the event when it happened. I'd have to guess it was a heart attack that took your baby. I'm guessing you stuck with your original decision to not do the necropsy? I'd guess his arteries were likely narrowed from his previous poor diet before you gave him a better life. My George had an unfortunately dramatic ending and it still haunts me. However, Hahnzel my new stinker has benefitted so very much from all I learned after George passed away.

Look at it this way, yesterday breaks us down in ways that help us rebuild for tomorrow. You'll be a better parront for it and you'll be able to bless a new feathered friend.

 

[getwozzy]

I'm still assuming it was a heart attack or something of the sort as well. We did not have a necropsy done, but buried him the back field. I think you're probably right about his arteries; he was on an all seed diet for who knows how many years.

Everything I've learned has definitely helped with taking care of Chili, and hopefully some day more birds.

 

[Blueridge]

All wounds heal in time, as well as broken hearts. Cry if you need to. No shame in that. But don't lose touch of happiness. Be happy for the times you shared together, and the wonderful things that Jackie taught you. He loved you. Be forever grateful that you got to share part of your life with such a great little feathered buddy. And maybe, just maybe, make room in your heart for a new one..

Rest In Peace Jackie. Watch the sky at night and see if you can find a shooting star. It might be him flying in heaven, soaring over the Rainbow Bridge. You'll see him again. No worries.

:21:

 

[Featheredsamurai]

It was terrible when you lost Jackie, I cried and hugged my birdies. It was a bitter reminder that at any moment we can loose a beloved individual in our life, no matter if they're another human, dog, or fid.

Even though Jackie can never be replaced, I hope your heart can heal over time

 

[Betrisher]

Shirre! I wish you didn't have to feel this pain! Thing is, Jackie came into your life for a reason and I think we all know what that was. He taught you how to be with birds in a way no other parrot could have. And when his Time came, you were with him, holding him. It wasn't anything you did or failed to do - it was just his Time. How lucky were you both to find each other in this weird old world?

Gee, it was hard to watch the video of him, though: he was just gorgeous! <3

 

[MonicaMc]

Jackie wasn't a perfect parrot..... but he was perfect to you! I know that feeling all too well. :60: :60: :60:

No matter how you try and fill that void, it remains. It does get easier with time, but never completely goes away. It's like a chunk of you has been removed.


It's how I feel ever since I lost Noel, a cherry headed conure. Ever since, I've desired another cherry head, and someday, I plan on having another one.

 

[MomtoPercy]

My heart bleeds for you. Your pain is so obvious in your words! I'm sure he knew he was deeply loved.