Skitty scared the crap out of me today

[Skittys_Daddy]

Okay, I've been hesitating all day whether or not to post this- but despite venting to a dear friend, I'm not feeling the slightest bit of relief.

I know how lucky I am to have Skittles and I have never lost sight of that and given how some might think I'm just an obsessive freak, let me say this- I have OCD very bad, bad enough that sometimes it makes me physically ill. I cannot tell you how therapeutic and beneficial Skittles has been for me. What caring for him has made me do for myself because of him has been incredibly positive.

But something happened yesterday morning (Wed) that just scared the bejesus out of me and given my ongoing mental/emotional health issues, I'm having a very hard time finding any sort of peace of mind and I'm terrified to go to sleep.

As some of you may know, I took away Skittles cuddle hut quite a few months ago. I replaced it with empty tissue boxes (after cutting away the plastic and glue). Normally, especially lately, he will wake me up by 11:30a. Well, I got after 12n today and went to wake him up and he wasn't responding. I took the cover off his cage and could only see his tail sticking out from the tissue box with no movement. I went to take the box off and scared the crap out of him. He IS a deep sleeper, but he is almost always up before me and I've never had to wake him from the box before.

Anyways, I can't get that image out of my head and its bugging the crap out of me. I just don't know what to do.

 

[BeatriceC]

Do you have a therapist? I struggle sometimes with intrusive thoughts, and my therapist has been wonderful for teaching me coping mechanisms for dealing with them.

 

[gavagai]

Get him to a vet ASAP. They're good at hiding any signs of illness until it's serious. With my sun conure, he seemed fine in the morning, had trouble holding his head up by the afternoon, saw the vet (who fortunately had an emergency line) about four hours after I first noticed symptoms, seemed to recover by noon the next day and then died about twenty-four hours after I first noticed symptoms.

 

[BeatriceC]

And yes, getting him to the vet for a check up will do a world of good for your peace of mind as well. And if something is actually wrong, you can get it treated.

 

[Skittys_Daddy]

Do you have a therapist? I struggle sometimes with intrusive thoughts, and my therapist has been wonderful for teaching me coping mechanisms for dealing with them.

That's the thing for me. I just saw my therapist on Tuesday afternoon. I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with him and taking him to the vet would only validate my thoughts. I need to control them and not let them control me. By giving into them, it only reinforces them by giving them the power. Of course all of this is so much easier said than done.

I examine him daily, monitor his behavior, his droppings and his eating habits. This is where the OCD helps. But I can honestly assure you if I had even the slightest hint that he may have something going on I'd be running to the vet.

I do appreciate people taking the time to respond, but to be honest, urging a vet visit is not helpful at all. I get why that is the suggestion, as it would be mine as well if the concern was his health. But ts my intrusive thoughts that are the issue. Perhaps it was a mistake after all to use this format for such an issue. I appreciate people trying to be helpful, but I guess its one of those "you have to experience it to understand it" and it wasn't appropriate for me to try here. I was just desperate is all.

 

[Skittys_Daddy]

I just went and checked on him, he wasn't making a sound so I put the lights on and checked on him. He wasn't under his box, but atop his bungee perch (where he usually is when I wake him. He climbed right down and was making little froggy noises that he likes to make. I probably woke him up. Maybe he goes under the box only when he feels like it.

 

[BeatriceC]

Not necessarily. More of us than you realize experience intrusive thoughts. Note that my first thought was to head to the therapist, not the vet. I understand the dilemma of "is this me being paranoid or is something really wrong?". There might be some miscommunication involved in that the way you described how Skittles was does sound like he might actually have been ill, so a vet visit would be appropriate. If the problem here is just that it's often times difficult to describe things in an appropriately nuanced manner in text, then there's just a simple miscommunication.

ETA: My post was in response to your post that quoted me.

 

[Skittys_Daddy]

Not necessarily. More of us than you realize experience intrusive thoughts. Note that my first thought was to head to the therapist, not the vet. I understand the dilemma of "is this me being paranoid or is something really wrong?". There might be some miscommunication involved in that the way you described how Skittles was does sound like he might actually have been ill, so a vet visit would be appropriate. If the problem here is just that it's often times difficult to describe things in an appropriately nuanced manner in text, then there's just a simple miscommunication.

ETA: My post was in response to your post that quoted me.

Sorry about that. While I did quote you, I was replying to both of your posts as well as the other one. I should've been more clear on that.

And yes, internet communication is so hard to define as people can interpret a number of things a number of ways. Truth is, while Skittles is always on my mind, this particular situation is entirely my intrusive thinking. I guess I should've been much clearer as I can see how it could be misinterpreted. What I was looking for is other people who've been through those thoughts about their fids or in general. Sometimes knowing others have struggled is reassuring and sometimes people have ideas you may not necessarily have thought of.

 

[gavagai]

Every morning before I wake up terrified that my birds have died in the night. I uncover them as quickly as I can, being relieved that they're alive. I have the same terror when I come home and reach the door after being out for more than an hour or so, though fortunately they both start calling when I open the door. (On the flip side, if one of them ever didn't call I'd be even more terrified.) Unfortunately, I don't really have any advice on how to deal with it.

 

[Skittys_Daddy]

Well, knowing others have the same issues is reassuring.

I had my Peaches for nearly 20yrs and she was very vocal. If I even turned in bed she'd make a noise. If she heard me in the hall outside my apt she'd make a noise.

Skittles, on the other hand, won't make a noise until I'm in the apartment. Sometimes if I 'tap' on his sleep cage he'll 'tap back' if he's awake, but it takes a LOT to wake him which I suppose has its benefits since I sleep right near him and I snore like a buzzsaw.

 

[BeatriceC]

You're certainly not alone with having anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I run an online support group for a particular mental health issue. My group has 2,500 members, of which about half are fairly active. Intrusive thoughts is one of the most common topics discussed, and it comes up at least a dozen times every day.

 

[GaleriaGila]

You know, I don't have any additional ideas, but I LOVE how easily and supportively and sincerely we chat here.

 

[Kentuckienne]

Without going into too much detail, I have a sense of what you feel. There is a kind of pressure, I don't know how else to describe it...it's partly desire to be 100% sure, and partly mistrust of one's own judgement and memory. So you want to be sure that Skittles is OK, and anything he does that is a change will set off alarms. I get it. Skitty is a living being, and he will change from time to time: the food he likes, the way he sleeps, the toys he chooses. The trick is to tell when a change is normal and when it is a sign of danger.

I'm not a psychiatrist, so these are just things that work for me... One thing that might help is to sit down and make some lists. Make a list of "things that could indicate illness" such as sitting around with fluffed up feathers, sleeping during times he would normally be active, slowed response time, tail bobbing ... This is where a bit of obsessiveness can be good, directed toward unearthing a list of symptoms. Putting these things together in a list and looking at them will elicit a sense of the "gestalt" of illness. In other words, any one thing alone doesn't mean illness. Like, all birds fluff of their feathers when they are cold or really enjoying a head scratch, so feather fluffing alone doesn't mean anything. But feather fluffing in the context of other warning signs may mean something. Spend some time with the list, expanding it, grouping like symptoms together, and ranking them according to seriousness. Then print out a final copy and keep it handy. When something worrying happens, look at the thing carefully and then get out the list. Ask yourself if what you see is isolated, of if other things on your list are also present. Ask yourself if this is a new behavior. For example, sleeping in the box so hard he didn't wake up...this was a new thing, right? And yes, it could have been that something had happened to him or he was sick. But you also knew that he does sleep soundly sometimes, soundly enough to sleep through snoring at least, so it isn't unreasonable that in the quiet and darkness of a paper box he might not wake up so easily. Now you have some reassurance: there isn't a strong indicator of illness, and there is a reasonable explanation of the activity. Now you can choose how to react: maybe leave the boxes in there and see if if just takes him longer to wake up, what kind of things help him wake up without scaring him...having the list to refer to gives your brain something constructive to do and breaks the train of Thoughts of Doom.

You can't stop the immediate emotional response you have when something happens, so just assume that the response will keep happening and create something to do when it happens besides freaking out or getting into a thought spiral. Having a list to look at, for example: it's something to do, it's distracting, it involves the rational side of the mind which takes some of the energy away from the emotional side. It's just a trick to play on yourself: I do it to myself all the time.

If you are a reader, there's a book I would recommend. It's called "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie. She is a person who had an enlightenment experience, though she doesn't call it that. She had an experience of seeing things as they were, without the layers of judgement and opinion, and she came up with a system that helped her to keep having that experience. It's a simple set of questions you ask yourself about. It was the most helpful thing I ever found for working through emotionally charged issues and ingrained beliefs. There isn't a single answer in the book: it's just a methodology for getting at one's own answers. It's a technique that stops the runway thought process. I can't recommend it strongly enough.

It's interesting that you write this. Yesterday I reflected how many of us on the forum seem to have health issues, mental or physical, and I wondered why. Is it that only a crazy person would pay that much attention to a bird? And I'm including myself in the group here! Or is it that people with heightened sensitivities are able to appreciate the complexity and intelligence of parrots more, and enter into a fuller relationship? Does the psychology of a parrot mimic that of a human closely enough, yet differently enough, to allow us to feel close to them in a way that would be terrifyingly intimate with another human? Maybe there is a kind of "parrot mindset" for some humans that just feels comfortable with the nature of the parrot. I think the opposite must be true: Salty seems to have a "human mindset" that allows him to feel comfortable with Wrench13 in a way that most parrots don't feel. There is something goin on in the intersection of parrot and human, something deeply revealing about us, something not so easy to get at in human-human context. I wonder what it is?

 

[GaleriaGila]

Great, thought-provoking post. Merits re-reading, which I will.

My main tactic for obsession control is weighing the bird. Every day. Sometimes more!
That seems to help me focus and block out too much worry.

 

[itzjbean]

I'm so glad Skittles is okay, and there have been lots of great responses to this thread so I won't repeat what anyone else has said. I don't have anxiety about my birds or any of my pets but I do worry about them when I'm away from them.

Are you on any medication for your anxiety? My dog (a Doberman pinscher) has high anxiety in the car, and so after getting recommened tot ry Bach Rescue Remedy Flower essence, I ordered it for him. It's a natural remedy for stress/anxiety and has been used on humans and animals (including parrots!) for something like 80 years. It has yet to get here but I'm excited to try it out.

What has worked for me personally to keep my mind at ease and my thoughts calm, I find that staying physically active and staying busy with hobbies has helped greatly. I swam for 10 years almost daily and then try to exercise at least 2-5 times a week nowadays. It's therapeutic to me.

 

[saracuse]

Anyways, I can't get that image out of my head and its bugging the crap out of me. I just don't know what to do.

I totally feel you on this. I'm still a new bird mom so a lot of this stuff is new to me and I rely pretty heavily on this community for help. I also have some heavy anxiety which i cope with pretty well on my own, but sometimes I do let it get the best of me and that's okay.

A few weeks ago I was cleaning the kitchen after breakfast and Tiki was snoozing on her heated perch snuggled into her cozy corner (where she sleeps every night since her second week home) and an acrylic window perch I had on our sliding glass door fell off suddenly and went crashing to the floor. Scared the sh*t out of me and Tik. She let out a pretty loud startled screech I've never heard before. I went to her first to tell her it was okay and i brought her with me to see what fell just so she could investigate too. All seemed fine. When I put Tik to bed that night she seemed fine while we were still in the same room. As soon as I got up to go to bed she went over to the corner completely opposite of her normal "roost" and snuggled into the corner like a bat. This is how she slept for the first week we had her, I assume its comfy in a way for her. I was scared to death thinking something was wrong with her, or she was sick or hurt. I had a very very rough night trying to get some sleep. When I got her up the next morning...totally fine. I really truly think that just like a little kid she may have thought "okay last time I was on this perch that scary noise happened, maybe if i sleep closer to the nightlight it'll be safer". Hasn't been an issue since.

Just recently she started sleeping with her head under her wing while snuggled up to her cozy corner. These are smart little critters, and I think just like us, need to mix some stuff up sometimes.

But know that you are not alone. We are here for you. All of us.

Whether its bird related or not.

 

[Skittys_Daddy]

I just want to THANK YOU all for your posts. It means a LOT and is so very comforting and reassuring and I can't thank you all enough. Knowing I am not alone and eve

@Kentuckienne I found your post particularly helpful and I will definitely be giving that a lot of thought and re-reading in order to process the whole post. It's what I have to do a lot of times.

I woke up my normal time today and I could hear him moving around before I uncovered him which did a LOT to help me.

It was just an out of the blue experience when I found him under the box. If it had been earlier, it might not have alarmed me as much- but given that I overslept I would have thought he'd be already up since he almost always wakes up before me.

 

[wrench13]

2 things
1) Try and get to take a picture of him with his head coming out of the box, even if the pic is not good the fun you'll have, as you try to do it, and explaining to him WHY your doing it may make you realize how silly it is to hold negative pics ( not to down play how you feel).

2) Like you have said, a tap on the cage or jostle it, or even an loud AHEM, just to wake him up before you come over?

 

[Skittys_Daddy]

I really like the idea of making a list. I just recently got into EMDR with my therapist and we have done some work with DBT in order to increase reasonable thinking and decrease emotional thinking.

I've just always been a very sensitive and emotional person. Sometimes its gotten in the way of a number of things. To be honest, if I didn't have Skittles to care for, I probably wouldn't give a rats crap about my health. But I have to take care of myself in order to be able to take care of him.

I have a very hard time trusting my own judgment and that is apparently quite common among the people here which is comforting.

But I went to the store in the pouring rain today to get Skittles some grapes just for the heck of it and that made me happy.

 

[Kentuckienne]

I really like the idea of making a list. I just recently got into EMDR with my therapist and we have done some work with DBT in order to increase reasonable thinking and decrease emotional thinking.

I've just always been a very sensitive and emotional person. Sometimes its gotten in the way of a number of things. To be honest, if I didn't have Skittles to care for, I probably wouldn't give a rats crap about my health. But I have to take care of myself in order to be able to take care of him.

I have a very hard time trusting my own judgment and that is apparently quite common among the people here which is comforting.

But I went to the store in the pouring rain today to get Skittles some grapes just for the heck of it and that made me happy.

Would you mind sending me a PM about the EMDR? I had that recommended to me and this is the first time I've heard anyone else mention it.

Much of what you wrote I could have written about myself. It's a house of mirrors here sometimes.