Struggling bird mom needs some advice. Please.

[Dusty77]

I have a Green Cheek Conure (Maui, 16 years) and a Patagonian Conure (Cooper, 13 years). I got Maui when I was 15 and Cooper when I was 19, and I will be the first person to say a teenager has no business acquiring parrots, but I was young naive and I did.

My birds have been my light and joy and the only consistent aspect of my life through my 20's. They have determined relationships, jobs, housing, and schooling. Six years ago I began pursuing my career more seriously and moved from my home town of Indiana to Alaska for two years, then to Utah, and lastly to Montana. I am very aware of the stress this has put on my birds, as Cooper seems to be extremely sensitive. I almost lost him when I moved to Alaska and every move since he has gotten ill.

While graduate school allowed for some consistency, things are becoming unknown again. I have done my best for the past three years while attending grad school and working, but I know it has not been the best life for the birds and my heart breaks thinking that once out of school they are going to be the ones still sacrificing while I try to gain some ground. Now as my schooling comes to close I am realizing the potential for moving internationally and within the States for periods of a month to a year until I can establish my career.

I have a partner who tolerates them but when I go away for a month or more at a time I know they get very little if any interaction.

I guess I am asking for advice for when it is being selfish or if this is part of life? They are so wonderful, I want nothing more than for them to have the best life possible and I may not be providing that anymore.

How have others handled long periods of transition?

I have been ignoring that rehoming has been an option as I could not stomach the idea that they could end being rehomed more than once or end up in a situation that is not any better.

Any insight or advice?

(Please, if you have negative comments keep them to yourself. I am reaching out for support and advice, not to be guilted for trying to ensure my birds get to live the very best life.)

 

[SailBoat]

(Please, if you have negative comments keep them to yourself. I am reaching out for support and advice, not to be guilted for trying to ensure my birds get to live the very best life.) Interesting way for a doctorate graduate to force responses. As the vast majority of your Post lends support to your asking for a response that supports your underlying want...

At the present moment, you're not traveling internationally anyway and likely will not for at least a couple of months. Depending on your course of study, the World will not be adding new staff for five to twelve months unless you wisely obtained a doctorate, which is in need. If you are considering education, that sector has changed vastly and will not be fully returning to full class room study anything soon, if at all.

As you are likely picking-up on, not providing your area of study hinders one's response as the where you will be be moving may greatly effect one's answer.

For me, the answer is simply. You choose to bring these creatures into your World and they should be honored by being part of your life, long into the future. If that limits your choices. Welcome to the World of forever children and the responsibilities they bring to defining your life.

Social Parrots have strong family connections that are deeply linked to their emotional welfare.

Your an adult faced with a World that has just been totally altered... I would recommend that you sit down and determine whether your doctorate even fits this new World. You may find that your choices have greatly changes from only a few weeks ago.

In my World, guilt is a reality. If I get it wrong, people can be serious injured or die... I'm a degreed mechanic engineer involved in large equipment that involves motion.

 

[Dusty77]

Thank you for responding! I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.

I am not forcing responses; this is a challenging post for me to make. I made a similar post on another website and received nothing but negativity. I completely understand why, but ostracizing someone when they are seeking support simply does not help (I am not accusing you of doing that. That was how my prior request on another site was received.). I am sure I could have worded things better; however, I am simply asking for respect as I reach out for advice on a sensitive subject. And yes, the guilt is real, which is why I am reaching out.

I agree with you that “they should be honored by being part of your life, long into the future.”. I never thought I would ever be considering the possibility of rehoming them, ever. I have fostered a few parrots that came out of homes that did not take the welfare of the bird into account. I am also not saying I am rehoming. I am asking for advice on how people deal with changes and advancements while ensuring the wellbeing of the birds is considered and whether or not that means making hard decisions. I believe part of being responsible is taking into account whether or not you can provide what is necessary for another living creature.

I am aware that things are in flux for the world atm.
To clarify, I am an artist, and I am looking for academic positions, which likely means moving around until I can land a tenure track with some stability. I also teach workshops and attend residencies around the country. While everything is on hold, these things will resume.

Again, thank you for taking the time.

 

[chris-md]

It’s really a tough situation. Had you asked years ago before you got the birds, you’d have been talked out of it immediately.

But here we are and have to address the situation we’re in.

I fall firmly in the camp of “birds are lifelong commitments, you need to accommodate them”. But the realities of life can get in the way. Many people have life situations change that make them no longer a suitable home. Parrots aren’t dispensible, but there may come a time where the needed life changes are so drastic that it becomes unreasonable to expect someone to try to accommodate demanding pets.

I’m not someone to believe that a young person should asked to hamper their career goals and future potential because they made a bad decision about buying a pet of any kind, parrot or otherwise. It’s just unrealistic and unreasonable, in my opinion.

The truth is rehoming or surrendering to a sanctuary may be your only option EVENTUALLY if you will be moving forward with an education or career that mandates extensive travel. You cannot be a world traveler and parrot owner at the same time, unless you have a partner as equally dedicated to the birds as you are.

Maybe you can find somewhere that can do a reasonably priced extended stay arrangement while you are gone. Doubt it.

I certainly wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Wow.

Well, welcome. I'm glad you found us. Our Community here is truly a place where you can find understanding. I have had a Patagonian room mate for decades. Sometimes he has been the light of my life AND sometimes a gut-wrenching albatross around my neck. Somehow we have made it and I believe we will be together until death do us part. I have told my tale here many times, including the story of our "dark" years... here it is, if you'd like to read.
http://www.parrotforums.com/conures/77615-patagonian-conure-tutorial.html
Meanwhile, I'm glad you're here. Whatever you decide, I thank you for sharing, and for reminding us (especially perspective parronts) of the complications that can arise when we pursue life-long companionship with exotic animals.
Thank you.

 

[henry0reilly]

my 2 cents fwiw

I have no specific experience to call on as I've only had birds for three years.

Will your "partner who tolerates them" remain in one location while you're doing this traveling?

My opinion you should take them with you every chance you get and find or hire someone to come in and care for them 2 or 3 times a week in your absence (assuming partner will do the basics other days) when you can't.

Can one Skype with birds? I have no idea but if they can recognize their parront on a screen that might help.

Not to belabor the point, but if you give them up you'll always regret it.

There is no ideal solution but best wishes on finding a good one.

 

[wrench13]

Hang tough with them, though traveling internationally with birds is going to be a huge challenge for you AND the birds, and may even prove impossible due to quarantine issues. Gail here likely has the most experience with moving a lot with a parrot. GoodLuck!

 

[Dusty77]

GaleriaGila I cannot explain how reassuring reading your story was for me. I have thought, still do think all of those things when my Patagonia is being a complete, spoiled turd! I always feel so horrible once he calms down for feeling that way. So thank you for taking the time. I almost cried reading your story.