Trouble bonding

[Briansmumma]

Hi all I have a male Eclectus parrot he is 5 months old and we have had him for 2 months. Initially when we brought him home he was fine, would step up and loved pats and cuddles and was doing well. After two weeks he began to regress and now will only fly to sit on my head and will not allow us to touch him. He does not have clippedd wings and has a large cage but the door is open so he is free to fly around the house at his leisure. He will not go to my partner who is a male and was hand raised by a female. We feed paradise pellets, almonds as treats and he has fresh fruit for breakfast and fresh vegetables for dinner. I'm not sure if this is normal behaviour he is beginning to bite but seems quite happy if left untouched he will make the grinding noise. Will he grow out of this or are there any tips on how to help him bond? We never force him to do anything he doesn't want but I'm worried he is "training" us if that makes sense? I don't want to push him and cause further resentment

 

[Anansi]

Hello, and welcome to the forum!

Sorry I didn't see this before today, but on a busy day posts can sometimes slip between the cracks, so to speak.

Yes, it does sound to me as though he has "trained" you to a certain degree. If things are left as they are and you touch him less and less, he will eventually become somewhat feral and unmanageable. I understand not wanting to force him, but at the same time he can't be allowed to pretty much dictate policy, either.

One of your biggest weapons in forging a bond with him will be treats. If I understood your post correctly, you're currently using almonds and Paradise Pellets for treats? (As a quick aside, a significant number of ekkies have shown a sensitivity to pellets which can result in toe-tapping and wing-flipping. Some owners have found some measure of success with pellets, but I personally do not risk it with my own ekkies.) Well, what you'd want to do is use your chosen treats (maybe experiment with more to find what he'd go most crazy for) as incentives for a desired behavior.

If you want him to step up, put your hand before him and hold the treat out of reach so that he has to step up in order to get it. Then praise him for doing a good job. Make him earn his treats.

Target train. Point to certain spots and then reward and praise him for listening with a treat. You want to set up the association in his mind that doing as you ask leads to good things. Just the process of training alone will be an expedient to the bonding process.

Conversely, if he does unwanted or unacceptable behaviors, there should be an association for that as well. Namely timeouts. Biting is unacceptable. (But make sure that you're not triggering the bite behavior by flinching with your hand as he's trying to beak you.) If he bites, or even nips uncomfortably hard, you have to make it clear that you don't like it. Tell him "no" in an even and firm voice. A repeated offense should see him on timeout. When on timeout, you should completely turn your back on him or even leave the room. No contact whatsoever for the next 5 or 10 minutes. Then try again. If the behavior happens again, act accordingly.

You won't see results overnight, but if you are consistent with both the rewards and the timeouts, you will eventually see a change in his behavior.

Also, if he doesn't yet seem ready for too much touching, you can ease him into it by spending time with him that doesn't include petting or cuddling. You can read to him, for instance. In this regard, your instinct is correct. No need to push him. Just work to form the association in his mind that hanging out with you = fun time. He'll come around.

Though keep in mind that ekkies aren't known as an especially cuddly species. Some can be quite affectionate, but others just never become quite comfortable with the touching or petting. And you cant pet them the way you would other parrots. With ekkies, make sure you always pet them "with the grain". Petting against the grain is uncomfortable and even irritating to them. Their feathers just sit differently than most other parrots' do.

Hope this helps, and let us know if you have any other questions.

 

[Briansmumma]

Thankyou I will try the tips you seem to know a lot about Ekkies 😊

 

[Newbsi]

(But make sure that you're not triggering the bite behavior by flinching with your hand as he's trying to beak you.)

What do you mean by this? I ask because I am trying to learn Gollums body language and distinguishing between whether he is going to beak or bite me is still unknown. Now other than the ear bite the first night I had him (which he has not been allowed back on my shoulder since) and the next day he bit my pinky when I was walking with him... he hasnt given me a really hard bite again (knock on wood). I have caught myself flinching a couple times since. Once I realize I am doing it I stop but sometimes it is just a reaction because of the previous two bites.

 

[Anansi]

(But make sure that you're not triggering the bite behavior by flinching with your hand as he's trying to beak you.)

What do you mean by this? I ask because I am trying to learn Gollums body language and distinguishing between whether he is going to beak or bite me is still unknown. Now other than the ear bite the first night I had him (which he has not been allowed back on my shoulder since) and the next day he bit my pinky when I was walking with him... he hasnt given me a really hard bite again (knock on wood). I have caught myself flinching a couple times since. Once I realize I am doing it I stop but sometimes it is just a reaction because of the previous two bites.

Hi, Newbsi.

Basically, a bird beaks you (using his /her beak to gently grip you) either for balance or simply for exploratory purposes. So, if you suddenly flinch, you can either startle your bird or throw him/her off balance... which often results in a bite of annoyance or a painfully tight grip to regain lost balance. Either way, you've triggered the bite. The ease with which you can determine whether a bird is about to beak you or bite you varies with the individual bird. Some birds have easy tells in their body language. Others, like my Maya, not so much.

For most birds, there will be a sign beforehand. Pinning of the eyes, (a sign of excitement) fanning of the tail, a certain movement of the wings... you basically learn through observation and experience. Soon enough, you'll see it coming and learn to take your hand out of harm's way.

Some other birds have a bit of a ninja thing going on, where their body language doesn't seem to give much of anything away. One of my ekkies, Maya, is just such an example. She is never anything less than completely gentle with me, beaking my hand with a tenderness that never ceases to amaze me.

But not so with my wife. I've seen it happen, and I tell you there is no difference that I can discern between how she approaches me before a tender beaking, and how she approaches Aida before a blood-drawing strike! Her eyes pin, yes, but they pin every bit as much when she's with me. Two different kinds of excitement, but excitement still.

So what to do in this case? We just pay more attention to which circumstances will trigger the bite. If I'm around, for instance, she's far more likely to bite her. There are also certain things that she has less tolerance for with Aida. So Aida respects that and, within the bounds of what's practical, tries to avoid those actions. They basically forge their own relationship with a set of rules different from those established between me and Maya.

As for the bites that occur when I'm around, well, that's still a work in progress. Their relationship is better than it was, but they still have a ways to go.

As for your flinching, that's just something you have to try and control. Remember, body language is a far bigger thing for birds than it is for us.

Does that help? If I haven't quite answered your question, let me know.

 

[SoCalWendy]

(But make sure that you're not triggering the bite behavior by flinching with your hand as he's trying to beak you.)

What do you mean by this? I ask because I am trying to learn Gollums body language and distinguishing between whether he is going to beak or bite me is still unknown. Now other than the ear bite the first night I had him (which he has not been allowed back on my shoulder since) and the next day he bit my pinky when I was walking with him... he hasnt given me a really hard bite again (knock on wood). I have caught myself flinching a couple times since. Once I realize I am doing it I stop but sometimes it is just a reaction because of the previous two bites.

It's so hard not to flinch when you get bit. For me if I see it coming I can prepare myself and not flinch. But one time Kiwi flew to me and landed on the back of my arm then used her beak to try and climb up. The skin on the back of the arm is very sensitive. So it all happend so fast, I reacted and instinctively shook her off. I felt so bad and showers her with kisses.

But most of the time I don't react. Sometime they do it to get a reaction. A stern no bite or I grab the beak and say no bite. Another thing I will do is distract when I see a bite about to occur. I do this by shifting/rocking my hand backwards, just enough to knock kiwi off balance a little. Not enough to scare her, but enough to make her forget what she was about to do. Then I put her down for a little while. I did the same with my Senegal, and it helped a lot.

By the way kudos to you by following through by not allowing Gollum back on to your shoulder.

Edited: when I say grab the beak, I don't mean in a forceful way. Rio and I made it a game, me touching / scratching / grabbing her beak so she was comfortable with it.

 

[Doublete]

Chiqui and I got comfortable with each other by me stroking her beak in her cage. I've taught her now that if I come to her cage and hold my hand up she scrambles to stick her head between the bars and I will rub her head starting at her beak.
This helps when she is out as well. I will ask if she wants a scratch and touch her beak first. If she draws away she didn't want it. Or she will hold her foot up as if she's saying "not now mom". By me touching her beak first it makes both of us more aware and comfortable. I don't push her to it but she hasn't bit me. I don't sneak up on her and she doesn't sneak up on me

 

[Newbsi]

Thank you all. Yes it does help. This is one of those situations where no matter how much research you do, exp and paying attention to your bird is the only way through it.
Gollum has not bit to the point where it hurts since day two with my pinky. He has put enough pressure for it to be uncomfortable but not a quick, fast, hard bite. But when he is on my lap and I am scratching him and he is beaking me... sometimes he starts increasing his beaking little by little. Its like he is testing me. To see how hard he can bite. I was just putting him back in his cage but thought that I dont want him to think that biting me is an acceptable way to ask to be put back in his cage. So I have started the quaking or tilting my hand, if that doesnt work i push my hand into him (gently) that ALWAYS works. He seems so surprised by that lol.
Oh and the other thing is if I stop scratching sometimes he gets mad and starts gnawing on my finger. Which again, not sure how to teach him what TO do to ask for scratches.... not using his beak. Any suggestions for that? I see other birds tilt their heads. Not Gollum, he starts nipping the fingers like why did you stop