A Rant About My Family (Mental Illness and Neurodiversity)

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Zilaxia

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I'm sorry if this is a sad or weird thing to post in the off topic forums but I couldn't find anywhere else to write about this. Sorry if its a weird or out of place thing to post. Anyways, here.

For the longest time people have genuinely asked me if I am autistic or have adhd, I thought "Im not like that" and then about a year ago, I actually started doing research and I am, extremely sure, that I have adhd. I don't say I have adhd because im not diagnosed with it, but when friends, family, your own boyfriend, people with adhd, and even older friends studying psychology in uni ask/tell you, they think you have adhd it becomes kinda obvious. I am very convinced I have it, but I do not call myself neurodivergent or say I have adhd because im not diagnosed yet and a 15 year old girl saying "I think I have adhd" when its not diagnosed yet sounds very iffy and people will immediately demonize me because teenage girls self-diagnose all the time. But all ive been doing is research about adhd and I relate to so many things. I found out the word for my inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner, its alexithymia and its very common in people with adhd, I found out the name for the reason I can't process what people tell me, its called auditory processing disorder I can hear perfectly but my brain just cannot register what someone tells me the majority of the time, the words sound like gibberish to me.

Finding out about adhd and seeing people talk about symptoms, seeing memes about it, and people describing what its like online is like someone talking about me, for years I thought I was just an idiot that couldn't do anything right and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, but if I do indeed have adhd, then nothing is wrong with me, I just think and see the world differently and thats ok. It's like everything I do has a name and its the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders.

Heres the problem, my family are of course very iffy about mental illnesses and stuff like adhd, autism, etc. when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression they lost it, my dad doesn't even really know about my mental illness because if my mom told him he would blame me and tell me im lying or to stop overreacting or just beat me. Something like that, classic cuban parents. My mom already thinks I have adhd and im telling her how much easier it would make my life to just, have someone check me and see if I have it or not, and if I do have it, that it would be great to have meds and possibly be moved to 1 or a few classes that are for people like me, because I feel extremely out of place in most classes that are for neurotypical teenagers, I also cannot learn verbally, which is why I struggle when a teacher isn't extremely specific with their work/words or doesn't come to help the students hands-on.

My mom does this thing where she tells me "ok ill do this for you" and then doesn't do it, and the things she never wants to do are things that involve me and my mental health, its like she doesn't want to know theres "something wrong with me" and my dad would do the same, so I am getting extremely frustrated with how long shes taking to talk to my doctor and get us settled to speak to a therapist/psychiatrist, because if she never does it, I'll keep being someone who is most likely not neurotypical but doesn't have a diagnosis, I want a diagnosis, I want help, but I don't need to be "cured".

My whole family will treat an autistic/adhd person as if they are a goddamn toddler, they do it with my cousin and they treat an autistic kid in my family like some "poor little boy" they pity him when he does not need pity, he is fine, just because someone sees the world differently than you and because they are "slow" does not mean they are these poor little creatures that need your help and pity, even worse the boys dad denies that theres something "wrong" with his son. I hope his son leaves that house once hes 18 and never comes back. They even want to keep my cousins adhd a secret for gods sake, because its such a "big deal" when it isn't, my auntie literally said the horrible line "were all a little bit adhd" which is extremely offensive and ignorant to people with adhd.

Its disgusting, I know if I get diagnosed they're gonna treat me like some sort of alien, some weird black sheep in the family (they already do but they'll do it more now) and they WILL want to keep it a secret if I do turn out to have adhd. If I have adhd, and get diagnosed, I WILL throw it out there, if I have adhd, I am proud of who I am, I love my weird neurodivergent brain, I don't need your pity, I'm not a secret, I don't need to be cured, and I am not "special".

I have a beautiful brain, stop trying to make it something its not.
 

SailBoat

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Interesting Rant!

It is very important to understand that the 'World unto itself' mental health, has so overused the term 'ADHD', and have so expanded 'what it is' that they can label near anyone as ADHD. And, surprise, surprise, there are drugs and treatments (seems like everyone has a book).

If you want to be ADHD, go ahead and be ADHD! If it makes you feel better to have someone who barely made their PHD to define you as ADHD, spend your parents money or wait a few years and spend your own money. And, then spend even more money for meets with the same individual as they really do little more that take your money, if it makes you feel better this week. Just understand that they will always want the next meeting.

You have spent so much time trying to prove your are something, what chance is there that you would believe that you are likely something else?

Be very careful what you wish for, your wish is likely to come true!
 

Skarila

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OK, this is VERY relatable to me. I felt like I was reading my life story.

I'm most likely high functioning autistic, formerly known as Aspergers (Never got official diagnosis but my shrink and psychologist highly suspect it). Even if I did get an official diagnosis in this case it wouldn't change much for me, but I am comfortable knowning that I might be an Aspie (I like that word.)
Very recently I have been diagnosed with ADD (well, it goes under ADHD but I am not hyperactive at all, just my attention span sucks). My problems are exactly as you described - unable to express my feelings and emotions with words, unable to react and express emotions as I should, awful aggressive reactions even on the slightest things, very forgetful about things, easy to distract, absolutely no social intuition, unable to converse in loud places as I cannot block the other sounds, light sensitivity, etc. I was a weirdo ever since I know for myself.
I don't even talk with my parents about these things. Only thing is that I found about this Aspergers thing only 2 years ago - when I was 26. I will be 28 next month. I suffered from depressive episodes since I was 18, but my parents said "it is just the way you think, no pill will help you, you have to make peace with your self". This came from my ultimately depressed mother who did get her psychiatric help before, but she dropped the whole thing for some reason.
I was heavily struggling with myself - I was hoping if I move in with my partner far away from my parents that I would be free from the toxicity and be magicaly cured or something, that I would calm down. Things were so much better for me - I got a job, a loving partner, a nice place to live. But my episodes were getting worse and worse for absolutely no reason, which is I went for a psychologist first. That time I was already suspecting that I am probably and Aspie. He helped me much as he could, I learned a lot from him but I felt that I still kept hitting a wall. I was going for sessions almost every week or every 2 weeks for the next 6-7 months. After that he suggested to maybe go on the meds. 5 months ago, I was put on antidepressants, and I can openly say that I feel like myself again after almost 10 years. I feel genuinely happy and relaxed for once. My aggressive reactions went away. with just a small dose of antidepressants. For a very long time I didn't tell my parents about it.
My parent's reaction was weird. Their first question was "what triggered your depression" and "but you're living so nice!" It hurt me to the bone, I openly told them that I had depression since I was 18 and noone believed me. I was stupid back in the time for not starting my therapies sooner. As you said, I was just a young teenager girl, it is just a phase. Except it wasn't for me.
When I was dropping hints to my family that I might be an Aspie, it did not go well. They were just staring at me that who the F told me all this stuff. That's when I knew that I just cannot tell them. It's not worth it. Even my partner didn't really believe me, for a long time he said it's not possible, just that I might be special.

Now for the ADHD part - Funny enough, my partner was reading a psychological book called "Scattered minds" by Gabor Mate. The book is about ADHD. He was reading it, and at one point he just looked at me and said "Hey, darling, I think you have ADHD". I was pretty surprised. A lot of things he has read in the book, truly described me. It makes all sense - Aspergers and ADHD is heavily mixed and similar. This happened just few months back, and I did spoke to my shrink about it, and I got Conner's ADHD test to do, and yep, seems that's that.

Remember when I mentioned you can't really treat Asperger's/autism? Well, you can treat the other "symptoms", like the depression, and ADHD as well. Apparently there are special meds for that too. I am quite reluctant as starting any medication like that is such a rollercoaster, but it's worth a try.

Now, since you're underage it can be VERY hard for you to get any professional help. My parents would've never gotten me the help. My little brother who is 21 now, still living with my parents, also is an Aspie and has awful depression as well. I begged my parents to take him to a therapist because he really needs that help. Their answer was "well, he is an adult, I cannot make him go to a therapist". He is very hard to start ANYTHING, so you gotta keep pushing him. It is sad I cannot rely on my parents for these things. For them autistic people are only those non verbal autists who are absolute geniuses or absolute retards (no offense - that is the official name!). I cannot educate my parents on anything, they're not stupid, but they have their own view on the world and they stick to it.

I hope my little story might be helpful to you, maybe you get some new ideas. I can only suggest to pick up the book I mentioned (originaly it is on english).
Another book that I adore is by a french psychologist Christel Petitcollin - and i am SO furious there are non on English! (I have it on croatian). One book is called "how to think less" and the sequel "How to think better". She writes about "special minded" people, who are on verge of being an autist or just simply special. She really hits the jackpot on how we feel, and our troubles. In the sequel she breaks down some actual help about our troubles. Also she is a specialist with manipulators too, it seems. As Mentioned, she is french, if you speak french I highly suggest to pick up a few books from her.

I think this might've been a rant of my own - I just wanted to tell you not to give up, not all hope is lost. It will be a tough fight, but you're not alone in it. Surely make sure to connect with people who share similar things with you - they could give you some new perspectives.
 

texsize

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I don't know where to begin.

I am sorry you have all this to deal with.
It seems to be a fact that teenagers have fewer rights that a convicted felon in prison.

I have always been interested in medicine. No formal education in that area but my mother was studying to be a nurse when I was in 6th grade.
To help her study my sister and I would ask her questions out of books.
When she was working as a nurse she would "bring her work home".
Not literally but she would mention difficult cases (no names attached).

When I was a little older I skimmed through this set of thick medical books about all kind of diseases. As I read through the symptoms of each disease I would think . I got that and I got that . As I read each symptom aand put a mental check mark next to it.

So that's the first thing. Don't let yourself be fooled into a label that others want to fit you into.

Second thing.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD in grade school.
Not by a Dr but by a teacher. Most likably a boring teacher that could not keep children's attention even reciting "Who's on first" routine.
We were forced into giving our son speed under the name Ritalin.
Sure it help him, and I don't know if that confirms the ADHD.
But know he has in his medical record that he has ADHD.
That will follow him around the rest of his life.

There are jobs that make it a requirement to turn over your medical records.
The military.
A job in defense that requires a security clearance. I am sure there are more.
It may make it difficult for him to own or buy firearms.

All of these problems could be your problems if you go through getting diagnosed adhd or autistic.

I had my own mental issues growing up but most of that is...not gone away it never goes away but it's under tight control.

I wish you good luck.
texsize.
 

Betrisher

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Zilaxia, I feel for you, I really do. However it is absolutely not possible to diagnose yourself with any of these very specific disorders. It really does take a trained professional to take an exhaustive case history and weigh the various aspects of your background, experiences and behaviour in order to make an educated assessment of what you need.

My son, aged 45 was diagnosed with 'acute infantile autism' as a toddler. My husband has ADHD (inattentive type) and so does my daughter, aged 27, and so, probably, did her grandfather, although we'll never know because he refused to seek help.

People like me spend a great deal of time online, discussing the aspects of our loved ones' behaviours and difficulties. It can be very easy to read posts like those and think 'that is absolutely what I do!' - but that can be a pitfall all its own.

For example, both my kids stim and have very obviously obsessive compulsive traits. The thing is, the *reasons* for those behaviours are vastly different between the two of them and the treatment is also different. With my son, behaviour modification made all the difference, while my daughter has taken Ritalin and Concerta to help when she was at school. She chooses not to take those meds any more because she prefers to 'be my own self' and 'live my own reality'. I support her in that.

I hear what you say about your parents not wanting to acknowledge your findings about yourself, but have you tried sitting down with them and outlining all the problems you're experiencing? Have you put those problems in terms of extreme difficulty achieving or maintaining grades? Have you told them you simply cannot learn as effectively as your classmates and you're afraid for your future? Have you confided in a trusted teacher and asked for support in talking to your parents about your troubles? Is there a school counsellor who might take on your case and go to bat for you?

Try to look at it from an adults' perspective. You're a young teenager, not an experienced educational or even clinical psychologist. What's affecting you now could change in a day or a week or a month. They need data to prove to them that 'something' is going on that is undermining your education and may affect your future. That would be in the form of slipping grades and various inabilities which your teachers would be able to list for you.

My daughter, for example, presents as highly intelligent. She has a huge vocabulary and has always had a remarkable depth of understanding, far beyond her years. Yet, on paper, she's barely literate. Rarely passed exams. Had difficulty being promoted each year. Remains unable to read even the simplest kiddie literature because she can't concentrate enough to form an idea of the story, let alone sub-plots and themes.

My son has alexithymia, among numerous other findings (including echolalia, perseveration, stimming, Tourette's and OCD). That means he cannot (and I do mean *cannot*) tell me how he's feeling. He once fell and dislocated his shoulder and was struck dumb when I asked him what had happened. All he could do was point and then faint! If I ask him about his emotions, he simply goes away. He might be able to tell me some weeks later, but usually not.

You've written a highly articulate and comprehensive article outlining your troubles and I'm thinking a true alexithymic wouldn't be able to do that. However, neither am I a trained professional and I wouldn't presume to diagnose you either. I'm just a retired school teacher who's seen some of these disorders in action.

Parrotforums isn't really the place to get the help you want, although you're more than welcome to discuss your difficulties here. You need to collect a dossier of all the things you cannot do and get one or more of your teachers to support your claims. If your parents still won't listen, then apply to the head of Special Ed. at your school, make an appointment and discuss all this with him or her.

Aside from that, work out what your strengths are and play to those. If it turns out you do have either of these disorders, then finding work will be trebly - no - quadruply hard for you. It's very important that you begin gaining skills now so that you'll be employable when you leave school. Speak to your parents in those terms (ie. skill-building, desire for employment, a demonstrated inability to keep up with peers) and I feel sure they'll listen to you.

As has already been mentioned, labels such as Asperger's or ADHD can be a double-edged sword. They will most definitely preclude you from doing certain things and will indeed follow you through life. Be careful what you set in motion and don't be too ready to dismiss your parents' point of view: they may have wisdom you're not really hearing.

Best of luck to you! :)
 

SailBoat

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You're receiving truly excellent insight above.

Sadly, in North America today, one must be truly careful in seeking out support /help from our Educational system as it is quickly losing its way and seems to be ever more engaged in separation of the child from the family.

There is no question that parents are stupid! Mine were dumb as rocks! But, as I became older, it was shocking just how smart they had become and became even smarted as I became older.

Today, both have left my side and are again waiting for me to catch-up. Today, as an old man, I long for our discussion and their wisdom.

At the very least, your parents are concerned about you. Not so true for others, who are more concerned about themselves.
 
Last edited:

Flboy

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Hi! A different train of thought! And an analogy to express my thinking!

I am in the deep woods, being eaten alive by mosquitoes and flies! Covered in bites and sores, I am constantly swatting, scratching, and exhausted from lack of sleep! If someone interpreted my condition without consideration of my environment, they would be treating me for skin conditions and insomnia! If, even when out of the woods, I continue to pick at the wounds, I will slow down the healing and potentially turn it into a chronic condition!
In life, we can’t escape ‘stuff’! We are always hit with ‘stuff’! But! Analogy again! Exercise builds us up, but hard physical work tears us down? Why? Because of the glasses you are wearing to view what you are seeing/experiencing!
Very easy to say! Easy to do? Yes, BUT! Try telling a drowning person, just relax and you will float! Good luck with that one!
 

texsize

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Zilaxia

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You're receiving truly excellent insight above.

Sadly, in North America today, one must be truly careful in seeking out support /help from our Educational system as it is quickly losing its way and seems to be ever more engaged in separation of the child from the family.

There is no question that parents are stupid! Mine were dumb as rocks! But, as I became older, it was shocking just how smart they had become and became even smarted as I became older.

Today, both have left my side and are again waiting for me to catch-up. Today, as an old man, I long for our discussion and their wisdom.

At the very least, your parents are concerned about you. Not so true for others, who are more concerned about themselves.

I don't think the man that abuses me and the woman who sees me being abused by him and does nothing are "concerned" they are ****ty. I should've gone more into detail about that. Thanks for your insight I guess? but you are completely wrong about my parents being concerned, they are horrible. My dad literally beats me to the pulp. My family isn't much help either. I just have to wait 3 more years to get out of here.
 
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Zilaxia

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Zilaxia, I feel for you, I really do. However it is absolutely not possible to diagnose yourself with any of these very specific disorders. It really does take a trained professional to take an exhaustive case history and weigh the various aspects of your background, experiences and behaviour in order to make an educated assessment of what you need.

My son, aged 45 was diagnosed with 'acute infantile autism' as a toddler. My husband has ADHD (inattentive type) and so does my daughter, aged 27, and so, probably, did her grandfather, although we'll never know because he refused to seek help.

People like me spend a great deal of time online, discussing the aspects of our loved ones' behaviours and difficulties. It can be very easy to read posts like those and think 'that is absolutely what I do!' - but that can be a pitfall all its own.

For example, both my kids stim and have very obviously obsessive compulsive traits. The thing is, the *reasons* for those behaviours are vastly different between the two of them and the treatment is also different. With my son, behaviour modification made all the difference, while my daughter has taken Ritalin and Concerta to help when she was at school. She chooses not to take those meds any more because she prefers to 'be my own self' and 'live my own reality'. I support her in that.

I hear what you say about your parents not wanting to acknowledge your findings about yourself, but have you tried sitting down with them and outlining all the problems you're experiencing? Have you put those problems in terms of extreme difficulty achieving or maintaining grades? Have you told them you simply cannot learn as effectively as your classmates and you're afraid for your future? Have you confided in a trusted teacher and asked for support in talking to your parents about your troubles? Is there a school counsellor who might take on your case and go to bat for you?

Try to look at it from an adults' perspective. You're a young teenager, not an experienced educational or even clinical psychologist. What's affecting you now could change in a day or a week or a month. They need data to prove to them that 'something' is going on that is undermining your education and may affect your future. That would be in the form of slipping grades and various inabilities which your teachers would be able to list for you.

My daughter, for example, presents as highly intelligent. She has a huge vocabulary and has always had a remarkable depth of understanding, far beyond her years. Yet, on paper, she's barely literate. Rarely passed exams. Had difficulty being promoted each year. Remains unable to read even the simplest kiddie literature because she can't concentrate enough to form an idea of the story, let alone sub-plots and themes.

My son has alexithymia, among numerous other findings (including echolalia, perseveration, stimming, Tourette's and OCD). That means he cannot (and I do mean *cannot*) tell me how he's feeling. He once fell and dislocated his shoulder and was struck dumb when I asked him what had happened. All he could do was point and then faint! If I ask him about his emotions, he simply goes away. He might be able to tell me some weeks later, but usually not.

You've written a highly articulate and comprehensive article outlining your troubles and I'm thinking a true alexithymic wouldn't be able to do that. However, neither am I a trained professional and I wouldn't presume to diagnose you either. I'm just a retired school teacher who's seen some of these disorders in action.

Parrotforums isn't really the place to get the help you want, although you're more than welcome to discuss your difficulties here. You need to collect a dossier of all the things you cannot do and get one or more of your teachers to support your claims. If your parents still won't listen, then apply to the head of Special Ed. at your school, make an appointment and discuss all this with him or her.

Aside from that, work out what your strengths are and play to those. If it turns out you do have either of these disorders, then finding work will be trebly - no - quadruply hard for you. It's very important that you begin gaining skills now so that you'll be employable when you leave school. Speak to your parents in those terms (ie. skill-building, desire for employment, a demonstrated inability to keep up with peers) and I feel sure they'll listen to you.

As has already been mentioned, labels such as Asperger's or ADHD can be a double-edged sword. They will most definitely preclude you from doing certain things and will indeed follow you through life. Be careful what you set in motion and don't be too ready to dismiss your parents' point of view: they may have wisdom you're not really hearing.

Best of luck to you! :)

...I realize now I should've gone way more into detail about how my parents are genuinely abusive and my dad physically beats me..I like your input and I thank you for it. I already said I don't call myself adhd and don't diagnose myself with it I just am very sure I might have it and im working on trying to get it checked out. So please, don't assume everyones parents are actually good. Just because im a teenager does not mean I hate my parents because they take my phone sometimes.
 
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Zilaxia

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I don't know where to begin.

I am sorry you have all this to deal with.
It seems to be a fact that teenagers have fewer rights that a convicted felon in prison.

I have always been interested in medicine. No formal education in that area but my mother was studying to be a nurse when I was in 6th grade.
To help her study my sister and I would ask her questions out of books.
When she was working as a nurse she would "bring her work home".
Not literally but she would mention difficult cases (no names attached).

When I was a little older I skimmed through this set of thick medical books about all kind of diseases. As I read through the symptoms of each disease I would think . I got that and I got that . As I read each symptom aand put a mental check mark next to it.

So that's the first thing. Don't let yourself be fooled into a label that others want to fit you into.

Second thing.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD in grade school.
Not by a Dr but by a teacher. Most likably a boring teacher that could not keep children's attention even reciting "Who's on first" routine.
We were forced into giving our son speed under the name Ritalin.
Sure it help him, and I don't know if that confirms the ADHD.
But know he has in his medical record that he has ADHD.
That will follow him around the rest of his life.

There are jobs that make it a requirement to turn over your medical records.
The military.
A job in defense that requires a security clearance. I am sure there are more.
It may make it difficult for him to own or buy firearms.

All of these problems could be your problems if you go through getting diagnosed adhd or autistic.

I had my own mental issues growing up but most of that is...not gone away it never goes away but it's under tight control.

I wish you good luck.
texsize.

I don't plan on working in the military and if I can't own a firearm thats honestly the least of my problems. I just want to know what I have because I know I am not a mentally healthy person, I really do feel like I have adhd or something of the sort, but I dont diagnose myself with it nor say I have it. All I want is to know what I have and if there are meds for what I have/being able to have a different school environment i'd absolutely love it.
 
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Zilaxia

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OK, this is VERY relatable to me. I felt like I was reading my life story.

I'm most likely high functioning autistic, formerly known as Aspergers (Never got official diagnosis but my shrink and psychologist highly suspect it). Even if I did get an official diagnosis in this case it wouldn't change much for me, but I am comfortable knowning that I might be an Aspie (I like that word.)
Very recently I have been diagnosed with ADD (well, it goes under ADHD but I am not hyperactive at all, just my attention span sucks). My problems are exactly as you described - unable to express my feelings and emotions with words, unable to react and express emotions as I should, awful aggressive reactions even on the slightest things, very forgetful about things, easy to distract, absolutely no social intuition, unable to converse in loud places as I cannot block the other sounds, light sensitivity, etc. I was a weirdo ever since I know for myself.
I don't even talk with my parents about these things. Only thing is that I found about this Aspergers thing only 2 years ago - when I was 26. I will be 28 next month. I suffered from depressive episodes since I was 18, but my parents said "it is just the way you think, no pill will help you, you have to make peace with your self". This came from my ultimately depressed mother who did get her psychiatric help before, but she dropped the whole thing for some reason.
I was heavily struggling with myself - I was hoping if I move in with my partner far away from my parents that I would be free from the toxicity and be magicaly cured or something, that I would calm down. Things were so much better for me - I got a job, a loving partner, a nice place to live. But my episodes were getting worse and worse for absolutely no reason, which is I went for a psychologist first. That time I was already suspecting that I am probably and Aspie. He helped me much as he could, I learned a lot from him but I felt that I still kept hitting a wall. I was going for sessions almost every week or every 2 weeks for the next 6-7 months. After that he suggested to maybe go on the meds. 5 months ago, I was put on antidepressants, and I can openly say that I feel like myself again after almost 10 years. I feel genuinely happy and relaxed for once. My aggressive reactions went away. with just a small dose of antidepressants. For a very long time I didn't tell my parents about it.
My parent's reaction was weird. Their first question was "what triggered your depression" and "but you're living so nice!" It hurt me to the bone, I openly told them that I had depression since I was 18 and noone believed me. I was stupid back in the time for not starting my therapies sooner. As you said, I was just a young teenager girl, it is just a phase. Except it wasn't for me.
When I was dropping hints to my family that I might be an Aspie, it did not go well. They were just staring at me that who the F told me all this stuff. That's when I knew that I just cannot tell them. It's not worth it. Even my partner didn't really believe me, for a long time he said it's not possible, just that I might be special.

Now for the ADHD part - Funny enough, my partner was reading a psychological book called "Scattered minds" by Gabor Mate. The book is about ADHD. He was reading it, and at one point he just looked at me and said "Hey, darling, I think you have ADHD". I was pretty surprised. A lot of things he has read in the book, truly described me. It makes all sense - Aspergers and ADHD is heavily mixed and similar. This happened just few months back, and I did spoke to my shrink about it, and I got Conner's ADHD test to do, and yep, seems that's that.

Remember when I mentioned you can't really treat Asperger's/autism? Well, you can treat the other "symptoms", like the depression, and ADHD as well. Apparently there are special meds for that too. I am quite reluctant as starting any medication like that is such a rollercoaster, but it's worth a try.

Now, since you're underage it can be VERY hard for you to get any professional help. My parents would've never gotten me the help. My little brother who is 21 now, still living with my parents, also is an Aspie and has awful depression as well. I begged my parents to take him to a therapist because he really needs that help. Their answer was "well, he is an adult, I cannot make him go to a therapist". He is very hard to start ANYTHING, so you gotta keep pushing him. It is sad I cannot rely on my parents for these things. For them autistic people are only those non verbal autists who are absolute geniuses or absolute retards (no offense - that is the official name!). I cannot educate my parents on anything, they're not stupid, but they have their own view on the world and they stick to it.

I hope my little story might be helpful to you, maybe you get some new ideas. I can only suggest to pick up the book I mentioned (originaly it is on english).
Another book that I adore is by a french psychologist Christel Petitcollin - and i am SO furious there are non on English! (I have it on croatian). One book is called "how to think less" and the sequel "How to think better". She writes about "special minded" people, who are on verge of being an autist or just simply special. She really hits the jackpot on how we feel, and our troubles. In the sequel she breaks down some actual help about our troubles. Also she is a specialist with manipulators too, it seems. As Mentioned, she is french, if you speak french I highly suggest to pick up a few books from her.

I think this might've been a rant of my own - I just wanted to tell you not to give up, not all hope is lost. It will be a tough fight, but you're not alone in it. Surely make sure to connect with people who share similar things with you - they could give you some new perspectives.

THANK YOU SO MUCH it feels like you're the only person in this thread that didn't call my parents "good" or say im dumb for being a minor trying to see what I have. You're so much help tysm.
 

Scott

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RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
Have you considered seeking help from school counselors or state/local child protective services? (forgive the use of child, I mean no disrespect or belittlement but that is more a legal constraint for minors) I am not so naive to believe that route is a bed of roses but perhaps alternative to three more years of discomfort. Quick search suggests age of emancipation is 16 in Florida. Do you have sympathetic relatives?
 

Skarila

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✻RIP - 28 YO Zeleni the mischievous IRN
✻RIP -Sunny the budgie
OK, this is VERY relatable to me. I felt like I was reading my life story.

I'm most likely high functioning autistic, formerly known as Aspergers (Never got official diagnosis but my shrink and psychologist highly suspect it). Even if I did get an official diagnosis in this case it wouldn't change much for me, but I am comfortable knowning that I might be an Aspie (I like that word.)
Very recently I have been diagnosed with ADD (well, it goes under ADHD but I am not hyperactive at all, just my attention span sucks). My problems are exactly as you described - unable to express my feelings and emotions with words, unable to react and express emotions as I should, awful aggressive reactions even on the slightest things, very forgetful about things, easy to distract, absolutely no social intuition, unable to converse in loud places as I cannot block the other sounds, light sensitivity, etc. I was a weirdo ever since I know for myself.
I don't even talk with my parents about these things. Only thing is that I found about this Aspergers thing only 2 years ago - when I was 26. I will be 28 next month. I suffered from depressive episodes since I was 18, but my parents said "it is just the way you think, no pill will help you, you have to make peace with your self". This came from my ultimately depressed mother who did get her psychiatric help before, but she dropped the whole thing for some reason.
I was heavily struggling with myself - I was hoping if I move in with my partner far away from my parents that I would be free from the toxicity and be magicaly cured or something, that I would calm down. Things were so much better for me - I got a job, a loving partner, a nice place to live. But my episodes were getting worse and worse for absolutely no reason, which is I went for a psychologist first. That time I was already suspecting that I am probably and Aspie. He helped me much as he could, I learned a lot from him but I felt that I still kept hitting a wall. I was going for sessions almost every week or every 2 weeks for the next 6-7 months. After that he suggested to maybe go on the meds. 5 months ago, I was put on antidepressants, and I can openly say that I feel like myself again after almost 10 years. I feel genuinely happy and relaxed for once. My aggressive reactions went away. with just a small dose of antidepressants. For a very long time I didn't tell my parents about it.
My parent's reaction was weird. Their first question was "what triggered your depression" and "but you're living so nice!" It hurt me to the bone, I openly told them that I had depression since I was 18 and noone believed me. I was stupid back in the time for not starting my therapies sooner. As you said, I was just a young teenager girl, it is just a phase. Except it wasn't for me.
When I was dropping hints to my family that I might be an Aspie, it did not go well. They were just staring at me that who the F told me all this stuff. That's when I knew that I just cannot tell them. It's not worth it. Even my partner didn't really believe me, for a long time he said it's not possible, just that I might be special.

Now for the ADHD part - Funny enough, my partner was reading a psychological book called "Scattered minds" by Gabor Mate. The book is about ADHD. He was reading it, and at one point he just looked at me and said "Hey, darling, I think you have ADHD". I was pretty surprised. A lot of things he has read in the book, truly described me. It makes all sense - Aspergers and ADHD is heavily mixed and similar. This happened just few months back, and I did spoke to my shrink about it, and I got Conner's ADHD test to do, and yep, seems that's that.

Remember when I mentioned you can't really treat Asperger's/autism? Well, you can treat the other "symptoms", like the depression, and ADHD as well. Apparently there are special meds for that too. I am quite reluctant as starting any medication like that is such a rollercoaster, but it's worth a try.

Now, since you're underage it can be VERY hard for you to get any professional help. My parents would've never gotten me the help. My little brother who is 21 now, still living with my parents, also is an Aspie and has awful depression as well. I begged my parents to take him to a therapist because he really needs that help. Their answer was "well, he is an adult, I cannot make him go to a therapist". He is very hard to start ANYTHING, so you gotta keep pushing him. It is sad I cannot rely on my parents for these things. For them autistic people are only those non verbal autists who are absolute geniuses or absolute retards (no offense - that is the official name!). I cannot educate my parents on anything, they're not stupid, but they have their own view on the world and they stick to it.

I hope my little story might be helpful to you, maybe you get some new ideas. I can only suggest to pick up the book I mentioned (originaly it is on english).
Another book that I adore is by a french psychologist Christel Petitcollin - and i am SO furious there are non on English! (I have it on croatian). One book is called "how to think less" and the sequel "How to think better". She writes about "special minded" people, who are on verge of being an autist or just simply special. She really hits the jackpot on how we feel, and our troubles. In the sequel she breaks down some actual help about our troubles. Also she is a specialist with manipulators too, it seems. As Mentioned, she is french, if you speak french I highly suggest to pick up a few books from her.

I think this might've been a rant of my own - I just wanted to tell you not to give up, not all hope is lost. It will be a tough fight, but you're not alone in it. Surely make sure to connect with people who share similar things with you - they could give you some new perspectives.

THANK YOU SO MUCH it feels like you're the only person in this thread that didn't call my parents "good" or say im dumb for being a minor trying to see what I have. You're so much help tysm.

I don't think anyone called you "dumb" for being a minor, but others do have a point regarding self analysis, it can be a downward spiral, if you really start believing in smth you have, can get worse. That being said, at the very first point I genuinely thought I had borderline personality disorder, the thought did mess me up, but turns out that a lot of "symptoms" have been missing, it was not it. Psychology is a very complicated thing... My partner could help me as he was studying quite a lot about it, but he could give me only hints, the rest was on the professionals and myself. At this point you can do as @Scott suggested, try to seek help even from the school if possible. If you genuinely feel that something is wrong with you, only a specialist could help you. We can only assume. I am aware of the feeling when you just know something is wrong and you are eager to slap a lable on it. Believe me, I have been there. While it can be a relief, it does has it downsides too - I just cannot tell anyone. Noone from my friends know about my adhd or potential Asperger's. Noone at my work. I just have to keep it silent, since many people do not fully understand these disorders. They fear it, and they might think I am an idiot or something. It will be something you might have to live with, depends with what kind of people you are surrounded with.
Another thing to be careful with is wether you really wish to get the official papers about your disorder(s), if you do have any. For me the most important thing was simply to get the right treatment, and not that much official papers, not sure how it works where you are from. For example, I was thinking of getting the official papers one day, so I could get discount on the public transport because I cannot drive. My partner did point out somethint - what if in few years I get the courage and really do go for driviny lessons? I should be aware if I get these documents, that I might never be eligible for driving ever again. And boyz he had a point. Luckily I don't need to have the official documents to get treatment. I need it only if I want some discounts from the government. I am at a stage where I don't need such type of help.
Just thread carefully, my dear. Go seek help if you can. And I am so sorry you have an abusive family, I really hope your life could go in a better direction soon. I genuinely cried while reading your story, as I might've felt in a similar way as you do. I wish I could take you under my wing, I wish that was possible.
 
OP
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Zilaxia

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Have you considered seeking help from school counselors or state/local child protective services? (forgive the use of child, I mean no disrespect or belittlement but that is more a legal constraint for minors) I am not so naive to believe that route is a bed of roses but perhaps alternative to three more years of discomfort. Quick search suggests age of emancipation is 16 in Florida. Do you have sympathetic relatives?

School counselors will do nothing especially because I've already spoken to school counselors saying "my dad beats me" and they didnt even call my parents. Also the risk of child protective services doing nothing/messing up by asking me IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS if they've ever hit me is too high because my friends, in this area, have tried it and got grounded/beaten by their parents because CPS never knows how to do anything right. Nobody can help me because Florida is filled with idiots and all I can do is wait until im 18, and no, the age of emancipation is not 16 in Florida I looked it up myself, I live in Florida it said it was 18. Thanks for trying to help but honestly Florida is horrible and CPS is useless, counselors even worse.
 

Owlet

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I can relate. My brother was diagnosed with ADHD pretty early on in life. I got tested at some point and the results were not word for word, but in verbatim "We dont know but shes definitely depressed". I always struggled with school. Could never pay attention in class despite my best efforts and homework was an insane struggle thanks to executive disfunction. I only graduated highschool cause I ended up in an alternative school that had no homework just classwork. Since adulthood I havent been tested again for ADHD but a lot of those resources just dont exist for adults unfortunately. With family history (my mom has adhd too) and the symptoms shown my doctors agree that the chances of my having it are very high. But with dysthymia, MDD, and generalized anxiety it is difficult to get a clear diagnosis on something like ADHD. So I accept my 'diagnosis' of "highly probable" I've been medicated with streterra and it has helped immensely with my ability to function day to day. If I forget to take it for even a couple days I definitely feel the affect.

I know you say counselors are useless but have you talked to all the available counselors? Some arent reliable sure but there are some that are genuinely wanting to help their students. I personally likely wouldnt be here if not for my school counselor. However given your age I understand it's really difficult to make any progress without parent intervention and given your situation... I'm really sorry you're going through all of this.
 

Scott

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Goffins: Gabby, Abby, Squeaky, Peanut, Popcorn / Citron: Alice / Eclectus: Angel /Timneh Grey: ET / Blue Fronted Amazon: Gonzo /

RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
Have you considered seeking help from school counselors or state/local child protective services? (forgive the use of child, I mean no disrespect or belittlement but that is more a legal constraint for minors) I am not so naive to believe that route is a bed of roses but perhaps alternative to three more years of discomfort. Quick search suggests age of emancipation is 16 in Florida. Do you have sympathetic relatives?

School counselors will do nothing especially because I've already spoken to school counselors saying "my dad beats me" and they didnt even call my parents. Also the risk of child protective services doing nothing/messing up by asking me IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS if they've ever hit me is too high because my friends, in this area, have tried it and got grounded/beaten by their parents because CPS never knows how to do anything right. Nobody can help me because Florida is filled with idiots and all I can do is wait until im 18, and no, the age of emancipation is not 16 in Florida I looked it up myself, I live in Florida it said it was 18. Thanks for trying to help but honestly Florida is horrible and CPS is useless, counselors even worse.

I am not surprised the barriers to receiving competent state aid in Florida are high. Please know the best we can offer in a parrot forum is respectful listening, anecdotal advice, and shared experiences.

You may have access to up to date Florida ruling, but from what I can determine, age of emancipation is 16 with sufficient evidence of self support: https://www.15thcircuit.com/sites/d...juvenile-division/emancipation-fact-sheet.pdf
 

Terry57

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This thread has now been closed at OP's request.
 
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