
I'm having trouble coping with this because aside from the fact that I'm a single veteran with ptsd, and my parrot has been my ONLY companion for the past 15 years. I cannot stop blaming myself. I know he's dead. There is no way he could survive in the wild more than a day or two and by the third day the temperatures were in the 30's. I just keep reliving knowing he was alone and terrified until the end where he likely starved to death or was killed by a predator or the elements. I know he was crying out for help and waiting for me to come get him. I'm sorry if this sounds morbid but it's the reality of what likely happened and it's tearing me up inside. I'm not sure what the point of even talking about this is but I sob for hours almost every day and it's been a month. I know it will get better but I don't think I'm ever going to be able to come to terms with now knowing what happened while somewhat knowing what likely happened. My family tries to be supportive with "I know what it's like to lose a pet" referring to my brother's dog they had to put to sleep when he got sick. That was devestating but there was closure and his dog lived a full life. My bird's life was mostly snuffed out at a young age and not in a nice manner.
He was supposed to be with me until the end. I'm almost 60 so I was expecting that he would outlive me. People tell me to have hope and that he may have been found or survived but I know that would be a million to one shot. I also keep some reptiles as a hobby but my little man was like my child. I can't even imagine my future without him. I cannot get another bird and I can't even walk down an aisle in a pet shop with bird supplies without breaking down into tears. There is not much else to say and I'm not sure if writing all of this is going to buy me some closure but I doubt it. Perhaps I'm over emotional but I just go back to if only I had kept his wings clipped or stuck with the first cage I had. I would still have my baby. I miss him so much every minute of day. The pain is unbearable and I barely have any interest in my other pets to the point that I 'm thinking of just getting rid of them.
Ironically just weeks before I left someone showed up at my front door asking if I had seen her African Gray that flew out of her window. She lived up the street. I had not and explained I had a bird and knew the aunguish she must be feeling. When she left I broke down in tears knowing how devestated she must be and reflecting on how glad I was that my little guy was safe and sound. I even went out that night and walked around looking for her bird but we had no luck. I guess that's all. Sorry this is so long but I'm hoping that writing it all down will help me process some of this and move on but i don't think I'm ever going to get over this. Goodbye Wickee, I miss you so much. I would give anything and everything I have to get you back.
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