Alright, I'll throw something a little different into the ring here...
I started having horribly painful ovarian cysts from the age of 16, pretty much every month I was down for a day or two while they ruptured and went away...And at just 19 while a sophomore in college I got my first kidney stone and had to have surgery to remove it, and have probably had 4-5 a year since that I'm aware of, some worse than others. I was misdiagnosed as having Polycystic Ovaries for years, until finally I found a Gynecologist who was willing to do an exploratory laparoscopy, during which he found that I was absolutely riddles with Endometriosis (can't be seen on a CT Scan, only on an MRI, and no one ever did that, of course). It was stage 3 Endometriosis, meaning it was outside of my reproductive tract and growing every month in the ligaments of my hips. I had a complete open hysterectomy at 32, they took everything, both ovaries, etc. But the pain finally stopped...Then a year later I was diagnosed with stage 1 vaginal cancer (actually cervical cancer from cervical cells left behind)...So again started the surgery, biopsies, tests, lasers treatments, blah blah blah...and the kidney stones continue (have one right now, lol)...I'm fine as far as the cancer/reproductive issues go now, finally, on hormone replacement and that all is fine...
So obviously, having suffered from these 2 extremely, agonizingly painful medical issues from the age of 16 until, well, now really (along with some nasty orthopedic surgeries while in high-school, as I played varsity softball and soccer, and am a hard-core mountain biker and skater), I have obviously been on a massive amount of opiate narcotic pain killers since being a teenager. There is literally no other way to stop the pain of a kidney stone that is obstructing your urine and making it back-up into your kidney, the back/flank pain that results from this is indescribable, only if you've felt it can you fully understand it (very similar to the pain you get with a severe kidney infection, except sharper)...and this started in the mid-90's when I was 14 years old (the first orthopedic surgery, a big one, broke my leg badly in softball and had it rebuilt with hardware), so back then I don't remember there being any awareness of the danger prescription opiates present when taken on a regular basis. Any time I had a kidney stone my urologist would diagnose it, tell me I had a month to pass it or he was going to have to remove it again, and then give me a prescription for like 160 15mg oxycodone (I'm 5'6 and weigh around 135 pounds, so it's not like I'm huge and needed much of the stuff to help, but that's just the way it was back then)...
Add all of this to the fact that I've been in the car business since I was 23 years old, which is and always has been riddled with drug use and abuse, and it was sometime in my late 20's, like 28 or so, that I realized I had a serious issue. I was promoted to sales manager of a 3-franchise car dealership after being an extremely successful salesperson for only 5 years, in a business full of men, all older than me, that I was not only way more successful than, but then I was promoted to being their boss...It was stressful, to say the least..But more dangerously, from the age of 23-24 I was making more money than I knew what to do with, and once I was promoted to sales manager, well, forget about it. I was making ungodly money to play with cars all day long, and it really was like one big party...Oh, and I'm a musician who plays guitar in a punk band...So yeah, it was one, big party...Until it wasn't anymore. Until you start having to buy drugs illegally, until you start spending more than you're making, until you have to switch from buying opiate pills on the street to buying a much cheaper alternative because you have no choice, well, that's when most people either wake-up and get themselves help, or they go to jail...or they die. After several failed attempts I finally got myself well, and have been clean for 2 years and 4 months as of now...But addiction is a disease, anyone who says otherwise either doesn't understand it, or has been hurt by an addict and is so angry that they refuse to call it a disease...So many people have said to me "Why don't you just stop?", and as an addict you have do your best to try to remember that people just don't get it...And 2 of the people who just don't get it are my mom and my dad...My mom has at least tried to understand and be supportive, but she has said some things to me that made me consider never speaking to her ever again..My father doesn't want to understand it and makes no effort to do so, he just yells and name-calls, says horrible, hateful things to me, and accuses me of things that are just insane...So we no longer have any contact, as I have to take care of myself and keep myself on the right track. Anyone who is counterproductive to that is unfortunately off-limits until they wake-up and at least attempt to make an effort to understand that addiction is a disease, it's not something that anyone does to themselves intentionally, and if an opiate/heroin addict could "Just stop" they would..
But the birds, the birds get it.
I've always had birds, I grew-up with them all around me. But I went through a long period of time between the ages of 24-35 where I had only my Budgies and that was it. And ironically it was just after I got into treatment that I brought home Lita, my Quaker, as a baby, and shortly after Bowie and Duff, and then Kane. I had always volunteered at the rescue, and I quickly realized that I could go to the rescue and spend all day with the birds, talk to them, play with them, and all of that stress, all of the pain, both physical and emotional just left me. So when i brought Lita home it was giving myself a purpose and a responsibility. I obviously can't ever have children, maybe things would have been different if I had, maybe not, but having my birds has given me a very good reason to stay clean, as well as a healthy, positive way to deal with stress, pain, etc. Like with the kidney stone i have right now, when this happens I know that it may get to the point where I end-up needing to have IV opiate pain meds, as the pain can be so great that you literally can't breath. And most addiction physicians will tell you that when you're in such severe pain as that brings upon you that you not only need the pain relief, but that it won't cause a relapse, per se, because you really do need to stop the pain...This may be true, but I'd rather not find out. I take prescription NSAIDs for this, mostly Mobic, which does actually help when combined with Pyridine to numb your urinary tract. But just having my birds with me, around me, sitting on me while I'm laying on the floor trying to get through the little "episodes" of kidney pain, it really does help so much...
And most of all, my birds don't judge me, they don't look down on me, they don't call me stupid or tell me how much of an idiot I am for allowing this to happen to me, etc. They don't say things to me like "you're so much smarter than this Ellen, what were you thinking?", as if I purposely made myself into a drug addict. Empathy is scarce when it comes to being an addict, so is understanding, and even just kindness or basic human politeness. But not with the birds.
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) my house is in forclosure, I'm on disability ect ect ect.. Depressed??? Ya THINK??? If it weren't for the unconditional love from my fids and knowing they need ME for their proper survival and enrichment..
