My parrot lost his mate and he’s not doing good

[kme3388]

I had to say goodbye to one of my parrots Wednesday. She was very sick. Her mate is still here. He’s lost 10 grams, and is self mutilating. I did get him a brand new cage to change the environment for a distraction. Yes, I am taking him out of his cage, and giving him attention. He just sits on my shoulder sleeping. Does anyone know how to handle this situation?

 

[texsize80]

I don’t have a good answer, I wish I did.

Two of my parrot pairs lost their partner.

Patcho & Plumas.
Plumas died from a series of strokes or seizures.
Patcho died 8 months later. I tried giving her extra attention but….
I think what happened was 1/2 …..how do they say it ..self delete. She started eating her rope perch and I just didn’t realize it. I thought she had finally found a play activity but I didn’t see the danger.

Lucky and Baby.
I don’t know what took Lucky and as a rescue have no idea how old he was. He died in my hands while trying to give him useless medicine..
It took Baby a long time to start behaving his normal self.
But no adverse behaviors he just stopped “playing house” in the cardboard boxes and did a lot of contact calling.
Despite having other cockatiels some of whom want to spend time with Baby he wants nothing to do with them.
Baby is an elderly birb 25 years old so he’s set in his ways.

 

[DonnaBudgie]

Have you asked your vet about medication for anxiety to take temporarily while he adjusts? It would be awful if he developed a long lasting habit.

 

[kme3388]

I have contacted a vet that was treating Kiwi to let them know that Charlie is struggling. I’m still waiting on a response. I just did this this morning.

I do feel like Charlie is shutting down and I don’t know how to stop it. His tail looks awful. He’s not preening or caring for himself.

 

[Jcas39]

Aww I’m so sorry to hear this . Animals grieve just like we do and birds seem to develop closer bonds than a lot of animals. Spend as much time as you can with your boy and tempt him with his favorite foods. Even if they aren’t the healthiest, getting him to eat something is better than nothing. This might be a long shot but Is there something like a special toy that belonged to Kiwi that would remind him of her? When our old pit bull passed away my dog was out of sorts and seemed to find comfort sleeping in the old dog’s bed.

 

[kme3388]

He is literally just sleeping like this on my shoulder he is shut down

 

[LaManuka83]

Oh that poor little darling! I'm sorry I don't have any particular advice for you other than what's already been said, but please give him lots of extra love and cuddles from me!!

 

[DonnaBudgie]

I would take him to the vet to make sure he isn't sick on top of grieving.

 

[SailBoat]

With many of our Parrots cherishing long relationships with another parrot, the loss of their mate is very hard on them. They are much like Humans who had like relationships and loss their loved one.

Yes, get your buddy into the Vet and as stated, check for underlying issues that maybe adding to this.

You are doing what is most needed, comforting your dear parrot in its time of loss. Keep your parrot close by you at all times.

 

[kaiyla]

That poor baby. That picture made me cry. I am so so sorry. You’re such a good mom to stay on top of this and be there for him while he’s going through this.

I probably offer no help. I’m going through a similar situation. I’m a mess
I lost my little girl (Charlie, oddly enough) a greencheek conure last Friday. Her mate, Phoenix, did everything with her. Everything. I have a Quaker Parrot, Sage, as well. Sage loves Phoenix but Charlie intimidated Sage so he’d stay a distance.

Since I’ve lost Charlie last Friday, Phoenix is so clingy with Sage -to the point it overwhelms Sage..Phoenix is eating and I’m grateful for that. Phoenix definitely knows that Charlie is gone, I think he’s confused, but he definitely knows. Putting him to bed every night without her, and their little carry case has made me cry every night. I think the only thing that is keeping him study is being around sage.


I’m sorry, I saw your post and I just really feel for you and your bird. I don’t have any good advice to offer, I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone- this is so hard, and so emotionally draining. . What you’re going through is the biggest heartbreak. Just know you’re doing good. You’re doing everything right. Sending you and Charlie so much hope.

 

[kme3388]

That poor baby. That picture made me cry. I am so so sorry. You’re such a good mom to stay on top of this and be there for him while he’s going through this.

I probably offer no help. I’m going through a similar situation. I’m a mess
I lost my little girl (Charlie, oddly enough) a greencheek conure last Friday. Her mate, Phoenix, did everything with her. Everything. I have a Quaker Parrot, Sage, as well. Sage loves Phoenix but Charlie intimidated Sage so he’d stay a distance.

Since I’ve lost Charlie last Friday, Phoenix is so clingy with Sage -to the point it overwhelms Sage..Phoenix is eating and I’m grateful for that. Phoenix definitely knows that Charlie is gone, I think he’s confused, but he definitely knows. Putting him to bed every night without her, and their little carry case has made me cry every night. I think the only thing that is keeping him study is being around sage.


I’m sorry, I saw your post and I just really feel for you and your bird. I don’t have any good advice to offer, I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone- this is so hard, and so emotionally draining. . What you’re going through is the biggest heartbreak. Just know you’re doing good. You’re doing everything right. Sending you and Charlie so much hope.

I am sorry you are in a similar situation as me. I haven’t really had a chance to properly grieve Kiwi as Charlie her mate isn’t doing well. I can feel his sharp breast bone which is a sign of anorexia in parrots. He is eating a little better now but those first few days were rough. Because of disease transmission I was concerned about adding Charlie to my large parrot room. The vet got back to me and informed me there are risks but more than likely all of my parrots have already been exposed to bornavirus. The vet couldn’t quantify the risks for me. Testing is considered subjective from what I’ve been told from doctors. It’s stressful at times having multiple parrots. I hope Phoenix is okay. I’ve been tracking weight with Charlie, and he’s no longer losing weight. He just isn’t gaining it back.

 

[kme3388]

It’s been 5 months since my sun conures (Charlie) mate died.

He’s still struggling. He is screaming pretty much all day. No, I’m not complaining of his screaming. It’s just not normal when it looks like a high state of arousal. It’s like he doesn’t know how to regulate himself. He was only 1 years old when he pair bonded with my Jenday. She was so calm, and relaxed for a conure. She was also quiet most of the time. She preened him all day. He fed her, and they just had a unbelievable bond. I can tell my sun conure just isn’t happy anymore. Even when we interact with him he calms down but it’s very temporarily. He’s always in a high state of arousal is how I would describe it.

I tried to move him into my large parrot aviary but he didn’t fit in. He brought out the predatory instincts in my macaw.

Has anyone else went through this? Are there things you tried that helped?

So far taking him out of his cage is a temporary fix (until he returns to his cage), and darkening the room helps too.

 

[kme3388]

I wanted to add additional context to this as well. My parrots vet do NOT recommend getting another parrot, or boarding my current ones due to my parrots mate dying of bornavirus, and it being in my flock (Nico). They said it’s a death sentence if activated.

 

[LaManuka83]

The poor darling, such a pity you can’t try getting another bird but even without the threat of bornavirus there’s no guarantee they’d get along. Wish I was able to give him some big snuggles, please pass some on to him from me

 

[kme3388]

I just wished there was a quick fix. My sun conure is social. This just makes me feel terrible. He prefers the company of other conures.

I do get sad but it’s more situational. As I teen I was told I went through mood swings, and such but I don’t remember the details vividly. I’ve been trying to do research on depression, and how to help him cope. I’ll admit I’m probably not the most educated in this area.

 

[osklvste79]

I understand completely. I had two dogs. One since a puppy. The other found a few years later wandering the side of a highway. Both under 15#. The vet said newbie was close in age. 16 year later #1 died of stroke. #2 was upset and layed in my arms crying and low howling. If I had to work he laid in her sleeping area. It was so sad. He ate, went out side. He eventually refused to move, just moaned. Vet said he was wanting to die. Nothing physical was wrong. Choice was mine. I took him home for one last night. He died. I was sad and happy. He was with her. He died at home. Pets grieving for their own no matter who is tragic on both ends. My little dog lasted nearly 8 months before grieving over took him. His age negated a new dog. He was nearly 18. All I could do was give support. My CAG at the time grieved for both of them. He sat on my shoulder giving comfort. He'd call their names softly. Not in his I am the boss voice. I can only you both can find peace.

 

[texsize80]

I understand completely. I had two dogs. One since a puppy. The other found a few years later wandering the side of a highway. Both under 15#. The vet said newbie was close in age. 16 year later #1 died of stroke. #2 was upset and layed in my arms crying and low howling. If I had to work he laid in her sleeping area. It was so sad. He ate, went out side. He eventually refused to move, just moaned. Vet said he was wanting to die. Nothing physical was wrong. Choice was mine. I took him home for one last night. He died. I was sad and happy. He was with her. He died at home. Pets grieving for their own no matter who is tragic on both ends. My little dog lasted nearly 8 months before grieving over took him. His age negated a new dog. He was nearly 18. All I could do was give support. My CAG at the time grieved for both of them. He sat on my shoulder giving comfort. He'd call their names softly. Not in his I am the boss voice. I can only you both can find peace.

I think something similar happened with my two amazon parrots Plumas & Pacho.
Plumas died first from strokes or seizure.
Pacho was inactive but was eating and drinking.
After about 6 months she (Pacho) started chewing on her rope perch (one of those multi colored cotton ones).
I had no idea she was actually eating it.
I still blame myself for her death, I should have noticed what was going on.

But she came back to me in a dream, two dreams acutely.
The first was just her no place or location and she was quivering her wings the way she always did when she was happy to see me.
Second was her WITH Plumas and the were both climbing on me while I was laying on the couch.

The first dream I think was to show me she didn’t blame me for what happened.
Second let me know she was happy with her partner.

 

[kme3388]

I think something similar happened with my two amazon parrots Plumas & Pacho.
Plumas died first from strokes or seizure.
Pacho was inactive but was eating and drinking.
After about 6 months she (Pacho) started chewing on her rope perch (one of those multi colored cotton ones).
I had no idea she was actually eating it.
I still blame myself for her death, I should have noticed what was going on.

But she came back to me in a dream, two dreams acutely.
The first was just her no place or location and she was quivering her wings the way she always did when she was happy to see me.
Second was her WITH Plumas and the were both climbing on me while I was laying on the couch.

The first dream I think was to show me she didn’t blame me for what happened.
Second let me know she was happy with her partner.

I know you are going to probably find this odd. I got my conure a new cage. His old one was only 5 months old. We got him a larger cage when his mate died in hopes that it would give him more space to do things, and hopefully it would help his depression. It went all the way to the floor. So he’d sit there and throw food on the floor, and then bite my senior dog. Then I moved him to my large bird aviary. That didn’t work out so I bought him a new cage I just got 2 days ago. As I was cleaning his cage yesterday (I was planning on donating it to a shelter) I noticed he had chewed off the paint on several bars in the back. He was eating paint chips. Needless to say I can’t donate something that way. What you shared is honestly 100% déjà vu to me.

 

[osklvste79]

It took awhile to remember and find what we describing. This was common in Japan. It wasn't a crime or dishonor. A lover, husband, wife, child or someone very dear dies. The living takes their own life to to be with them. In the old days it was a blade to the abdomen. These days it can be anything. Voluntary it's called SHINJU. My dog mourned to death. Dogs have been domestic for thousands of years. Companion parrots a fraction of that time. So they would possibly take a more active role to reach their beloved.

 

[texsize80]

It took awhile to remember and find what we describing. This was common in Japan. It wasn't a crime or dishonor. A lover, husband, wife, child or someone very dear dies. The living takes their own life to to be with them. In the old days it was a blade to the abdomen. These days it can be anything. Voluntary it's called SHINJU. My dog mourned to death. Dogs have been domestic for thousands of years. Companion parrots a fraction of that time. So they would possibly take a more active role to reach their beloved.

I thought The blade was the method for men but women used a different method, I don’t recall what.
I’ve been a big reader and the subject comes up now/then.

I have wondered often about emotion in birds.
There’s just no doubt that they have and display emotions.
Jealousy.
Anger.
Fear.
Love.

But there’s no way to know how equivalent it is to human emotion.
You can only judge by their actions.

Birds have been around for a long time, not domesticated but surviving and developing these complex emotions for survival.

In the case of the OP it’s bird/bird bonding (love) not bird/human bonding.
I guess what I’m saying/asking is “what does being domesticated have to do with it?”
The bonding and attachment go beyond domestic/undomesticated.

This bonding happens in the wild. I don’t think there has been a lot of study as to what happens to parrots in the wild when they loose a mate.

I’m sorry if this comes across……upset or angry or something. I’m not at all.