Really sad right now :(

[Featheredsamurai]

My mom was asking why I couldn't watch one of my nieces tomorrow evening right after work, I explained that when I get home I need to be with Rosie and Kenji since they've been alone all day. and it would of been fine if it was a day I didn't work. I had told my sister that she could watch a movie, or play and I could check on her everyonce in a while. I thought that was ok, since I had already told her no and she complained and complained to me until I finally gave in. My mom, after hearing my side of the story, said at times like this she feels I shouldn't have birds. That I act like I love them more than my family, I told her I don't love them more but I do have the same amount of love.

She looked at me with a horrified expression, and said I must have a mental condition if I could think such a thing. To love a pet the same as your human family! A human family with feelings that get hurt. She asked if I would be as sad if Rosie died as I would if one of my nieces died. I lied and said I would be more sad if my niece died, I couldn't take her shocked expression any more. She said to tell my sister I would hang out with my niece, and all she did was show me the difference between loving a pet and family. She did compromise, she's going to let my niece use her iPad to play, or she can bring books into my room so Rosie and Kenji still get to get their time with me.

Now I'm really sad sitting on my bed, and I just keep crying. I feel like I can't stop, I hate that humans feel that they're so much more important that every other animal. I love my birds so much, especially Rosie. If anything ever happened to Rosie I would be broken. And I expect that within a few years it will be the same with Kenji.

Rosie and Kenji are my family, in my eyes they are the kids I wi never have(sorry all you moms, I just really don't want kids).

That's all, just needed to share all these feelings I'm having

 

[faeryphoebe1]

It's smart that you lied when your mom asked about a niece's death vs. one of your parrots. Sometimes one has to lie to family members about things that they'll never comprehend (I've been there, done that). Especially since you live with your mom because ultimately, she can force you to give up your parrots.

You're a great parront and a wonderful person, Ashley. Many people, even family members will not understand how some of us can love our parrots as much as, or more than we love other humans. Occasionally, you may have to compromise a bit, to keep the peace at home.
Hang in there.

 

[antoinette]

That is so sad when human do not regard our birds as family members.
You are trying to be fair and compromise surely your mum sees that.

Spend time in your with with them and your fid's as you suggested in that way no-one is being neglected.

When anyone phones or visits here, they always ask after Mishka knowing he is a part of our family.

Don't be sorry about not wanting kids, the choice is yours and yours alone. I have a few friends that do not want to have children and would also rather have pets.

 

[Abigal7]

Some people do not understand. It is for the best that you lied to your mom and that you allowed a compromise. My dad and some other people I know are just not animal people or even bird people. Of course I would be sad if one of my pets or family members passed away. Some people may just need assurance that they have a special place. I know some people that have cats and dogs but kicked them outside, or people that do not understand the concept that a bird needs time out of its cage. I had people tell me they would get rid of a dog if it bitten their child (Though on this one I can understand why they feel that way). I think they told me that to test me. As for Me? Well I have a bird and dog in the house. I picked animals that fit into my life, and I do not mind spending time with them. My mom knows they mean a lot to me and though my dad is not big on having animals in the house he thinks my dog and Captain Jack are good for me to have. I think differently then most people. I grew up on a farm so I do not understand Peta that well. I do not view my pets as disposable. In fact I care as much for them as I do my family.

 

[Featheredsamurai]

Thankyou fairy phoebe and antionette, I'm glad no one here thinks I'm crazy too haha.

After an hour my mom came in and gave me a hug, she said she didn't mean to hurt my feelings and that it's ok to love my birds. She knows that they need me, and can't be magically self sufficient. She still feels that no pet should have equal love to our human family, and it hurts her feelings to think I felt that way. I continue to allow her to feel I have less love for the birdies, I think things are easier that way and I don't want her to feel so bad about my mental health.

@fairyphoebe, my mom's really reasonible, she knows I would never rehome Rosie or Kenji. She used to threaten that I would have to rehome Rosie because I wouldn't go on overnight trips with my friends, and she was angry that I let Rosie affect my life. I told her very clearly that rosie was never going to be rehomed. She's also a animal lover, although she may not see eye to eye at times she still understands. She isn't as, in her words, obsessive as me.

I'm feeling a lot better between you two, and my mom talking to me again. Thank you so much

 

[Featheredsamurai]

Some people do not understand. It is for the best that you lied to your mom and that you allowed a compromise. My dad and some other people I know are just not animal people or even bird people. Of course I would be sad if one of my pets or family members passed away. Some people may just need assurance that they have a special place. I know some people that have cats and dogs but kicked them outside, or people that do not understand the concept that a bird needs time out of its cage. I had people tell me they would get rid of a dog if it bitten their child (Though on this one I can understand why they feel that way). I think they told me that to test me. As for Me? Well I have a bird and dog in the house. I picked animals that fit into my life, and I do not mind spending time with them. My mom knows they mean a lot to me and though my dad is not big on having animals in the house he thinks my dog and Captain Jack are good for me to have. I think differently then most people. I grew up on a farm so I do not understand Peta that well. I do not view my pets as disposable. In fact I care as much for them as I do my family.

The idea if a disposable pet is so sad, I've known people like that. Just breaks my heart to see their animals who don't get the same love as my own.
That's great that your dad is ok with your dog and captain jack being in side, sometimes it's so hard for people to change their ways.

 

[MikeyTN]

I soooooooooooo understand where your coming from!!!!! For YEARS my family couldn't understand my love for animals until they see how I do with animals throughout the years watching me grow up. They USED to complain about it but they don't anymore and they now have the understanding what my babies mean to me. They don't even fuss at me about my animals. IF anyone says anything to them, they would tell them I've always been like that since I was young, my animals are my life. They understand about birds after learning to like Cracker the Quaker when they cared for him and they learn how smart they really are. After that they completely understood and never fuss at me about birds. They're rather impressed! Your family may or may never understand. But I always tell mine straight up, even my co-workers know, even my customers too. IF I need to take off because my animal is sick, they understand.

 

[JerseyWendy]

I'm sorry you were feeling so sad, Ashley. AS a mom, I'll be the first to tell you that my "boys" are well aware that I love all my animals JUST as much as I love them. We've had our fair share of disputes when my kids were still living at home because I never allowed parties inside my house in the evening. Why? Because my fids wouldn't get enough sleep. :54:

Love is love, and it can't be measured with a yardstick.

Please don't ever have an ounce of guilt for loving your babies as much as you do.

 

[Arwyn1313]

Some people just don't get it. I love my boys more then anything in the world and Arwyn has a big spot in my heart right next to them. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for loving your babies,you are their mommy and they need you.:smile015::smile015::smile015:

 

[Birdman666]

Well, there is always a balance between family responsibilities and the responsibilites you have to your animals.

Parrots are very child like, and it's natural to have strong parental-like feelings for them. BUT the humans in your life, and their human needs also need looking after. And your Adult relatives probably need a break from their parental duties once in awhile to remain sane...

Try to understand and stay balanced.

This isn't anything to be sad about.

"Overbonding" works both ways where parrots are concerned.

Your mom is probably concerned about you becoming "overbonded." It's her job to worry about such things.

 

[MonicaMc]

I feel the same way! My entire family consists of animal lovers, but I'm like the oddball of the group. My grandmother raised her kids (my mother and aunts) around animals, but now she often jokes about how the cats or the dog will eat my birds up! How the birds will be a nice snack for them.

My mother loves animals, but puts her desires above that of the animals. It annoys her when I ask for bird related stuff for my birthday or for Christmas, and when that fails, I ask for money. I rarely ever get what I want, so I'd rather have money than an item I wont like or use.

Well, I guess my father is kind of odd, as well... when he lived with his mother, he'd go down to the local park and feed the "wild" rabbits (domestic rabbits that people let go). When he was living on his own in a tent off the river, he had his own colony of feral cats! (and he's allergic to cats).


And then there's me. I like to save money up so I can buy toys and perches for my birds. I take them to the vet when they are sick. I spend hours with them, cleaning up after them, petting them, napping with them (not the birds!), watching TV or playing a game with them, occasionally going on walks, being a member of the local bird club... the things I do weird other people out! If I walk into a baby store, a hard ware store, a regular store and sometimes even a toy store, I'll look at things and wonder how I might incorporate that item to be used within my flock.... to provide them with more enrichment.



My mother thinks that I'll be a great mom when the time comes.... I'm 25 and still not interested in having kids! I can look at my nephew and say yup, he's cute! But I don't want him!



There are plenty of other wackos out there like us! No need to feel ashamed or sad about it!

 

[Featheredsamurai]

Well, there is always a balance between family responsibilities and the responsibilites you have to your animals.

Parrots are very child like, and it's natural to have strong parental-like feelings for them. BUT the humans in your life, and their human needs also need looking after. And your Adult relatives probably need a break from their parental duties once in awhile to remain sane...

Try to understand and stay balanced.

This isn't anything to be sad about.

"Overbonding" works both ways where parrots are concerned.

Your mom is probably concerned about you becoming "overbonded." It's her job to worry about such things.

You make good points, but I should have added that I'm extremely helpful. And it REALLY irritates me when I say I don't want to watch the girls, and they guilt me into it anyway. Five days out of the week I'm waking up at 6am, I run downstairs to let the dogs out, start coffee, and try to be quite because everyone except for Kenji and I are still sleeping. When the coffee pot is done I make a cup for myself and my mom, then run upstairs give my mom her coffee, and start the task of waking two little girls who would much rather be asleep.

The girls are usually dressed by 7:10-7:20. The three of us then go downstairs, I make them breakfast (a favorite is egg on toast/Eggo). Then I sit down and brush their hair, make sure they have everything they need and wait for my older nieces carpool to come. Once my older niece is gone I walk my younger niece to school, then run home and make sure Rosie and Kenji are set up for the day before I head off to work.

My sister used to make me watch the girls nearly every night to host AA meetings, I put them to bed and give them dinner. After a while I got really tired of it, and so did my older niece who was angry that her mom wasn't there when she woke up or went to bed. My mom said that I need to learn to tell my sister no, and not let myself be her personal slave. But when I actually DO say no my sister gets mad and says I'm really selfish and only care about myself. Whenever she says stuff like that it annoys both my mom and I. My mom knows how much I help, not just with my nieces either. I'm also the one who suddenly has to cancel plans because my sister needs me, or goes places with her at night because she's scared to go alone.

My sister knows my birds are important to me, and I was very unhappy that she couldn't take no for a answer, she has to get my mom involved to guilt me into it. I told her the exact reason why I couldn't watch them. I do SO much for my sister, and I don't mind helping. But whenever I say no she acts like I don't do anything for her! Sometimes I really want to let her fend for herself for a month, that way she'd have a better appreciation for me and wouldn't take me for granted so much.

I never mind at all to help my mom, she appreciates me and enjoys my company the most. I want to help my mom, and try often just sit and hang out with her. I drove and picked her up from work(70 miles away) for a month and a half, we had a lot of fun together. I never feel used and unappreciated when I'm with my mom the way that my sister makes me feel.

 

[Steph182]

I kind of know how you feel. My animals are my life, no matter what the species. My ex boyfriend got really angry at me and treated me like I was a horrible person because I refused to stay at his mams with him when I was trying to nurse a hamster back to health and then she died.

It's horrible when people can't understand what your pets mean to you. I don't want kids either, my only longing is for animals and to have people imply it's wrong is so frustrating!

 

[MonicaMc]

Seems we both have sisters that need help being a mom! Albeit, in different ways... my sister doesn't have me watch my nephew very much, but then again, she's very protective of him and doesn't like most people to watch over him. She had a panic attack when her mother in law took him home rather than taking him to the pool... and then took a shower and couldn't hear my sister calling. The only people she is ok with watching over him is her husband (who rarely plays the fatherly figure), our mother and myself. She's not without her son for more than a few hours of one day of the week, at best... and there are times she definitely needs a break!


I can see where your sister is coming from, but wow!!! She's being unrealistic! She should be grateful for the amount of help you do provide for her! And more respectful of you! It's no fun growing up without your parents around much or really being able to spend time with you because they are too busy doing their own thing...

 

[ruffledfeathers]

I'm sorry you were feeling so sad, Ashley!!! I have barely been on this forum for a few days and i'm just seeing this (some help I am!! LOL)

My pets are my children now. It's not what I expected or 'planned' but even with having planned to have a human child, I would never have forsaken my dogs and birds. I can't even play into the 'who is more important' or 'who is worth more' because that's subjective and probably ever-changing.

I think some of these things get easier with age. Not sure why. Maybe because our families feel less like they have to 'watch over us' or have something to say about what we do. (When I was in my 20s, how many times I had to hear "what if you meet Mr Right and he hates animals?" What part of "then he isn't Mr Right" didn't they understand??)

We animal lovers know there is a difference between being a doting human guardian and being "weird" and obsessive about it. I think we are relatively balanced people with a whole world of thoughts and feelings other than ONLY our pets. But to someone who may not understand the intensity of what we feel for an animal, it may just seem a little odd or obsessive.

 

[mtdoramike]

My mom was asking why I couldn't watch one of my nieces tomorrow evening right after work, I explained that when I get home I need to be with Rosie and Kenji since they've been alone all day. and it would of been fine if it was a day I didn't work. I had told my sister that she could watch a movie, or play and I could check on her everyonce in a while. I thought that was ok, since I had already told her no and she complained and complained to me until I finally gave in. My mom, after hearing my side of the story, said at times like this she feels I shouldn't have birds. That I act like I love them more than my family, I told her I don't love them more but I do have the same amount of love.

She looked at me with a horrified expression, and said I must have a mental condition if I could think such a thing. To love a pet the same as your human family! A human family with feelings that get hurt. She asked if I would be as sad if Rosie died as I would if one of my nieces died. I lied and said I would be more sad if my niece died, I couldn't take her shocked expression any more. She said to tell my sister I would hang out with my niece, and all she did was show me the difference between loving a pet and family. She did compromise, she's going to let my niece use her iPad to play, or she can bring books into my room so Rosie and Kenji still get to get their time with me.

Now I'm really sad sitting on my bed, and I just keep crying. I feel like I can't stop, I hate that humans feel that they're so much more important that every other animal. I love my birds so much, especially Rosie. If anything ever happened to Rosie I would be broken. And I expect that within a few years it will be the same with Kenji.

Rosie and Kenji are my family, in my eyes they are the kids I wi never have(sorry all you moms, I just really don't want kids).

That's all, just needed to share all these feelings I'm having

I applaud your realization that you don't want to have children and I hope you stick to your guns on that issue if that is how you truly feel I know we all love our pets and I agree, it's a tremendous loss when one of our pets die. But there really is no comparison between losing a pet and losing a child. To put this into prospective, the hurt from losing a pet stays with you for a while, but the hurt of losing a child stays with you FOREVER.

 

[Abigal7]

Well, there is always a balance between family responsibilities and the responsibilites you have to your animals.

Parrots are very child like, and it's natural to have strong parental-like feelings for them. BUT the humans in your life, and their human needs also need looking after. And your Adult relatives probably need a break from their parental duties once in awhile to remain sane...

Try to understand and stay balanced.

This isn't anything to be sad about.

"Overbonding" works both ways where parrots are concerned.

Your mom is probably concerned about you becoming "overbonded." It's her job to worry about such things.

You make good points, but I should have added that I'm extremely helpful. And it REALLY irritates me when I say I don't want to watch the girls, and they guilt me into it anyway. Five days out of the week I'm waking up at 6am, I run downstairs to let the dogs out, start coffee, and try to be quite because everyone except for Kenji and I are still sleeping. When the coffee pot is done I make a cup for myself and my mom, then run upstairs give my mom her coffee, and start the task of waking two little girls who would much rather be asleep.

The girls are usually dressed by 7:10-7:20. The three of us then go downstairs, I make them breakfast (a favorite is egg on toast/Eggo). Then I sit down and brush their hair, make sure they have everything they need and wait for my older nieces carpool to come. Once my older niece is gone I walk my younger niece to school, then run home and make sure Rosie and Kenji are set up for the day before I head off to work.

My sister used to make me watch the girls nearly every night to host AA meetings, I put them to bed and give them dinner. After a while I got really tired of it, and so did my older niece who was angry that her mom wasn't there when she woke up or went to bed. My mom said that I need to learn to tell my sister no, and not let myself be her personal slave. But when I actually DO say no my sister gets mad and says I'm really selfish and only care about myself. Whenever she says stuff like that it annoys both my mom and I. My mom knows how much I help, not just with my nieces either. I'm also the one who suddenly has to cancel plans because my sister needs me, or goes places with her at night because she's scared to go alone.

My sister knows my birds are important to me, and I was very unhappy that she couldn't take no for a answer, she has to get my mom involved to guilt me into it. I told her the exact reason why I couldn't watch them. I do SO much for my sister, and I don't mind helping. But whenever I say no she acts like I don't do anything for her! Sometimes I really want to let her fend for herself for a month, that way she'd have a better appreciation for me and wouldn't take me for granted so much.

I never mind at all to help my mom, she appreciates me and enjoys my company the most. I want to help my mom, and try often just sit and hang out with her. I drove and picked her up from work(70 miles away) for a month and a half, we had a lot of fun together. I never feel used and unappreciated when I'm with my mom the way that my sister makes me feel.

I am guessing your mom knows how you feel about all this. I would explain you do not mind helping out with your nieces but there needs to be a middle ground. Children need to spend time with their mother too. I am assuming your mom watches the girls too? I guess you can put it this way you take care of your birds but you do not cancel plans, or miss work for them either. No problem with you and your mom watching the girls but this needs to be appreciated and she needs to spend time with them too. No one works every single day.