Attitudes and responses to other members.

azdesertrhino

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Oct 29, 2010
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Excellent thread.

Even though the entire focus is on the care and protection of the FID, what is meant as advice can be easily construed as criticism.

I find this in e-mails a lot. As someone mentioned previously, some of the most important parts of conversation are missing on forums or e-mails.

Facial expression, body language, speech inflection are all missing in written text.

Thanks for posting this although I'VE never over reacted myself, for sure!!:rolleyes::54::54::54::54::54::54:
 
OP
Mayden

Mayden

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Thought I'd just update my opening piece with a picture of 'Mister' in his cage. It's one of the very few pictures I've got of him and I have it as a little reminder that I did something awesome for a very special, beautiful birdy. :)

As I mentioned in the edit, that pic was taken before we showered him with more toys and swapped out his dowel perch for perches that are 'natural' with stripaway bark to keep his feet in better shape and a little less bored with the beak! This was within his first hour home with me. :)
 

HusseinBerjaoui

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That's exactly why I'm not posting any picture of my bird in his cage.
But to be franc, I love the people in these forums. They care about our fids more than we do.. Especially you, Mayden!
But I don't understand some people. There is no reason to use the arrogance while responsing to others. I mean, think of how happy you turn both the owner AND the bird when you give positive advices that lead to the development of the relationship between them.
 

Terry57

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I think this is an excellent thread to bump. It takes courage for people to come here to post asking for help, and rather than judgement, they need help with their bird. The birds should be the most important thing, and if someone is attacked they may not come back to read the responses of people who are truly trying to help.
Reading things is so much different than when we can hear a person's voice, and it only helps everyone if we keep that in mind when we type. Also, using all caps is considered in most online circles to be yelling, rather than emphasis, so I think we all should keep that in mind when responding as well.
I know we all just want to help people with their birds, and receive help for our own.
 

Squeekmouse

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I TOTALLY AGREE! THANKS FOR BUMPING THIS!

Sorry... I couldn't resist... :D

Seriously though, I'm glad you did bump this. Text communications always come with potential for misunderstanding and everyone here has strong feelings about some topics, especially about our Fids. But even if someone is making a terrible mistake regarding the care of their bird, the simple fact that they posted on these forums shows their intentions are good and they have a desire to learn and share.

Every person deserves to be treated with the benefit of the doubt, and everyone should strive to treat others as they would wish to be treated.

...and everyone here has made their share of mistakes, right? :)
 

Terry57

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I TOTALLY AGREE! THANKS FOR BUMPING THIS!

Sorry... I couldn't resist... :D

Seriously though, I'm glad you did bump this. Text communications always come with potential for misunderstanding and everyone here has strong feelings about some topics, especially about our Fids. But even if someone is making a terrible mistake regarding the care of their bird, the simple fact that they posted on these forums shows their intentions are good and they have a desire to learn and share.

Every person deserves to be treated with the benefit of the doubt, and everyone should strive to treat others as they would wish to be treated.

...and everyone here has made their share of mistakes, right? :)

I love your post, and the top part cracked me up..lol.
 

caiquewalk

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Wow, this is insanely well said! I am amazed that i only just came across this. Thankyou Terry for bumping it. Also thanks to the OP for this thread if they’re still around. You know sometimes i catch myself treating or judging others badly, then i always regret it after. The best book I have ever read of communication - Dale Carnegie: How to win friends and influence people, is a testament to how much i have improved and would recommend it to anyone.

“Even God doesn’t propose to judge a man till his last days, why should You and I?” - Carnegie
 

GaleriaGila

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Terry, you're the best. I had not seen this thread before, and I'm glad to have read it.
In my experience, this is the absolute friendliest and most constructive parrot/bird Forum, but we aren't perfect, and I appreciate the reminder and call to action.
The guiding light and truest rudder... it's about the birds.
It can be challenging to balance honesty with gentleness, but if our work here helps one little caged darling... somehow, somewhere, someplace... have a better life, then I'm grateful to have participated.
 

Scott

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What a treasure, Terry! Thanks for bumping so a new generation can read the wisdom.
 

reeb

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I've noticed a bit of hostility recently in some threads... Hopefully people will still feel welcomed and encouraged. I only just saw this, and I hope all members will give this a read at some point.
 
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itzjbean

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I admit I can get carried away with my replies.. I find much of it happens in the breeding parrots subforum or when members buy an unweaned baby and have problems helping baby thrive.

I try my best to give advice and help, but there is a difference between asking for help and taking it to heart, changing your mistakes made and asking for help but refusing to take the advice given because you don't think you're doing anything wrong. When it is between life and death for a baby bird, it becomes very frustrating when a parrot owner doesn't realize the severity of the issue until its too late.
 
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caiquewalk

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“When dealing with people, let us remember we are
not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with
creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices
and motivated by pride and vanity.”

Excerpt from
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Dale Carnegie
This material may be protected by copyright.
 

Scott

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RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
Thanks for bumping, Dave! :)

It is not always what we say but how we say it. I well know the desire to convey urgent advice while being mindful of avoiding collateral emotions that may taint the delivery.
 

buurd

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I would also add, that if you are trying to sway minds on an issue, don't just negate what a person had said. Explain the 'why' behind what you are trying to explain.
You could be a parrot genius, but to a person just posting here who doesnt know you, you re just another person with an opinion.

Explain, gently, why you have an objection to something.
Give the alternatives with information as to why they are preferable.

And also, try to have an open mind and listen. Please dont make the mistake of projecting any preconceived notions you may have onto anyone else, and jumping all over them. There's a lot of ignorance out there when it comes to people treating animals with the respect they're due, and everyone's been guilty of it at some point .

As newbie, my initial reaction is that most people Ive seen post here have been great advocates for birds and respectful of others.
 

EllenD

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I admit I can get carried away with my replies.. I find much of it happens in the breeding parrots subforum or when members buy an unweaned baby and have problems helping baby thrive.

I try my best to give advice and help, but there is a difference between asking for help and taking it to heart, changing your mistakes made and asking for help but refusing to take the advice given because you don't think you're doing anything wrong. When it is between life and death for a baby bird, it becomes very frustrating when a parrot owner doesn't realize the severity of the issue until its too late.


Ha Ha Itzjbean, I think we were separated at birth, as we both seem to agree on most topics, and we are both equally-passionate about our birds and in our responses...for good or for bad :16:


For the most-part I've found that on this forum, even when a post becomes hostile, members are typically not disrespectful or nasty, and people are far-more able to express themselves than in a lot of other forums, even if what we are saying is not "popular" or what the OP wants to hear, just as long as we do it in a way that is respectful and not juvenile or just plain ridiculous. And that's a fact that is not wasted on me at all, being a long-time member of other forums where the senior-members cannot "criticize" or point-out a new-member's behavior, mistakes, neglect, etc., for fear that the new member will simply leave and never come back. While that should be a concern, if you can't even respectfully tell a new member who is new to keeping a pet that what they are doing is harmful, dangerous, irresponsible, etc., or telling them that there are no "home remedies" that will help their pet and they need to get their pet to a vet ASAP or they are going to die, then what's the point in the first-place? How much good can you do if you cannot give constructive-criticism? And there are some other pet-forums/communities online who literally do not allow ANY respectful, constructive-criticism of a new-member who has only joined for emergent help. So this forum is unique in this way, and I am grateful and thankful for this...

****What I will say is this (I couldn't not-post a little bit of friction-inducing text, it wouldn't be like me :D)...What I absolutely, positively REFUSE to do (yes, I'm screaming in this particular instance), under ANY circumstance, is to "coddle" an OP who has had the ****s to write about the way they are neglecting and/or abusing their bird. And we have had a bit of that, one recent post in-particular that most are very aware of, and it got ugly (Though had one of the happiest and most beautiful outcomes in history, thank God!). That is the only post that I can remember from this forum that got to that point, and if I'm being completely honest, it happened with good-cause, in my own, personal opinion. Now I'm not condoning some of the words that were used or the names that the OP was called at all, and if I'm being completely and totally honest, I had to step-away from my computer and go snuggle with Kane a bit to calm myself down, or I too would have ended-up posting something that I would have very much regretted and that would have gotten me suspended/banned from this forum. And I was actually quite proud of myself for handling it the way that I did, as i did literally force myself to step-away from the computer and take a deep-breath, and think about how lucky I am to have my birds and the extremely-close bond that I have with all of them, and how happy I am that I am able to understand how special my relationship with my birds is. It's a very foreign thought to me and to most people in this community that there are people in this world who are lucky enough to own a beautiful, highly-intelligent, highly-affectionate parrot, yet they think of them as nothing more than "property"...this is unfortunately very, very common, and it's another situation where I have to check-myself and try to put myself in the other person's shoes/situation, and try to understand where they are coming from...Sometimes this is warranted... But again, I refuse to "coddle" people such as that one, or anyone who is not only admitting to neglecting and physically abusing their bird, but who also state that there's nothing wrong with the way they are treating their bird, that their bird deserves the abuse and neglect they are getting, etc. That doesn't fly with me at all, and never will. Birds cannot advocate for themselves, so it's up to us to advocate for them, to protect them, and to help them when they cannot help themselves...

However, the point is that there are ways to do this that don't involve name-calling, swearing, or puffing your chest out in a showing of dominance. And I've recently just been learning this, at the age of 38...and the reason I've been learning this and actually practicing it on a regular-basis is completely and totally due to my participation in this community...no joke. So for that I will forever be grateful....We're never too-old to educate ourselves and learn from others...
 
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Tami2

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DOH-4/2/2016
I will add this...
I will be a member of this community a year next month.
I lurked, read & learned from this forum for years prior to getting Levi & joining.
My experience has been nothing but pleasant and positive. I was warmly welcomed from the start. Thank you for that. :heart:

I have found that every time I posted a question many members & mods would be very kind and help me try to not only resolve my issue, but understand the why behind it. I have nothing but admiration for this lovely community.

Also, when responses, (that I have read) were a bit harsh I usually agreed with the sentiments.

That’s my two cents, for what it’s worth. :)
 
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Anansi

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...However, the point is that there are ways to do this that don't involve name-calling, swearing, or puffing your chest out in a showing of dominance. And I've recently just been learning this, at the age of 38...and the reason I've been learning this and actually practicing it on a regular-basis is completely and totally due to my participation in this community...no joke. So for that I will forever be grateful....We're never too-old to educate ourselves and learn from others...

Awesome post, especially this portion here. One of the things that I have the most respect for in a person is an understanding that we are all still learning. It's only through this understanding that we all continue to grow as parronts... and as people in general. This community teaches me something new all the time.

I will add this...
I will be a member of this community a year next month.
I lurked, read & learned from this forum for years prior to getting Levi & joining.
My experience has been nothing but pleasant and positive. I was warmly welcome from the start. Thank you for that. :heart:

I have found that every time I posted a question many members & mods would be very kind and help me try to not only resolve my issue, but understand the why behind it. I have nothing but admiration for this lovely community.

Also, when responses, (that I have read) were a bit harsh I usually agreed with the sentiments.

That’s my two cents, for what it’s worth. :)

Worth quite a lot in my book, Tami. Your positive experience here, a year in, is exactly the atmosphere we mods work toward for this community. A place where we can all engage respectfully in dialogue, learn from each other, share with one another, and continue to grow... all via the common thread of our love for the beautiful birds under our care.
 

GaleriaGila

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I'd say it in every thread if I didn't fear it would get tiresome, buttt...

This is the friendliest, most big-hearted, most tolerant and temperate parrot place online, and I am a veteran of at least five, before settling here.

That's why I was thrilled to have the opportunity to help with moderating, and it's an honor, every day.

Thanks to each of you who make it a joy.
 

DiscoDuck

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Please guys, just take into consideration that we are human, we make mistakes and we're all here trying to learn. So let's get rid of all that nastyness, intended or not and encourage others to learn - and come back to learn some more!

The number one mistake is that we are human controlled by after the fact emotions instead of boring learning before causing the mistake.
 

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