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[LaManuka]

Heist (Wafting fetid odors of broiled haggis shipment attract workers at Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi Airport, spurring their desire for scrumptious imported cuisine. A heist is organized leading to total consumption of Snappy branded haggis without payment. Panic stricken senior representatives for whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā give chase aided by Thai gangs to no avail. They plan to forfeit themselves for next batch of organ meat haggis production upon return to the beautiful Coromandel.)

Thais (Enterprising Thais, hungry for more Sardinian maggot cheese slathered Spam and organ meat haggis, smuggle shipment bound for Bogside aboard the King's Royal Barge, the "Suphannahong". Senior representatives of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā disguised as barge oarsmen don traditional red costumes and assist in the heist by rowing the contents up the mighty Chao Phraya River. Fetid and putrefying aromas of tarmac broiled haggis hidden by stench of raw sewage emanating from klongs emptying into the river!)

 

[Scott]

Thais (Enterprising Thais, hungry for more Sardinian maggot cheese slathered Spam and organ meat haggis, smuggle shipment bound for Bogside aboard the King's Royal Barge, the "Suphannahong". Senior representatives of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā disguised as barge oarsmen don traditional red costumes and assist in the heist by rowing the contents up the mighty Chao Phraya River. Fetid and putrefying aromas of tarmac broiled haggis hidden by stench of raw sewage emanating from klongs emptying into the river!)

Halts (Senior representatives of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā commiserate with Thai gang leaders over platters of Pad Thai garnished with putrifying, fetid broiled haggis and hatch plan of profit and redemption. Shorts Sandringham flying boats specially modified with collection apparatus skim the mighty Chao Phraya River and scoop raw sewage from emptying klongs. A sample load is flown to the beautiful Cormandel to the delight of SEI head curator Snippy. Exotic flavors and rich textures lead to new and exquisite line of delicacies. Snappy pardons treacherous senior representatives and halts planned disembowelments.)

 

[LaManuka]

Halts (Senior representatives of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā commiserate with Thai gang leaders over platters of Pad Thai garnished with putrifying, fetid broiled haggis and hatch plan of profit and redemption. Shorts Sandringham flying boats specially modified with collection apparatus skim the mighty Chao Phraya River and scoop raw sewage from emptying klongs. A sample load is flown to the beautiful Cormandel to the delight of SEI head curator Snippy. Exotic flavors and rich textures lead to new and exquisite line of delicacies. Snappy pardons treacherous senior representatives and halts planned disembowelments.)

Blast (Senior representatives of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā deliver delightful Thai flavours to Snippy's kitchen for incorporation into her exquisite line of putrefying, fetid, tarmac broiled haggis recipes via Shorts Sandringham flying boats. Exotic lemongrass and coriander aromas help perfume the odours of Spam, offal, organ meats, Sardinian maggot cheese and raw klong sewage that blast forth from Snappy's much abused and malodorous cloaca following consumption!)

 

[Scott]

Blast (Senior representatives of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā deliver delightful Thai flavours to Snippy's kitchen for incorporation into her exquisite line of putrefying, fetid, tarmac broiled haggis recipes via Shorts Sandringham flying boats. Exotic lemongrass and coriander aromas help perfume the odours of Spam, offal, organ meats, Sardinian maggot cheese and raw klong sewage that blast forth from Snappy's much abused and malodorous cloaca following consumption!)

Atlas (Unrivaled success of SEI's Thai flavored exquisite line of putrefying, fetid, tarmac broiled haggis recipes foment unbearable, festering pollution over the beautiful Coromandel. Whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā commission an Atlas rocket to loft dozens of low earth orbit drones dispensing exotic lemongrass and coriander aromas. Entire whānau infected with Snappy Malodorous Cloaca syndrome, endangering all life forms on the continent.)

 

[LaManuka]

Atlas (Unrivaled success of SEI's Thai flavored exquisite line of putrefying, fetid, tarmac broiled haggis recipes foment unbearable, festering pollution over the beautiful Coromandel. Whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā commission an Atlas rocket to loft dozens of low earth orbit drones dispensing exotic lemongrass and coriander aromas. Entire whānau infected with Snappy Malodorous Cloaca syndrome, endangering all life forms on the continent.)

Stale (Dozens of low earth orbit drones dispensing exotic lemongrass and coriander aromas ensure the atmosphere above the beautiful Coromandel does not go stale. Whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā infected with Snappy Malodorous Cloaca syndrome sent into quarantine and guarded by flock of murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets and believe me you do NOT want to mess with them, ya flamin' galah!!)

 

[Scott]

Stale (Dozens of low earth orbit drones dispensing exotic lemongrass and coriander aromas ensure the atmosphere above the beautiful Coromandel does not go stale. Whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā infected with Snappy Malodorous Cloaca syndrome sent into quarantine and guarded by flock of murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets and believe me you do NOT want to mess with them, ya flamin' galah!!)

Tales (Quarantined escapee whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua regaled friends with tales of Snappy Malodorous Cloaca syndrome. Murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets wreaked havoc on transgressors by disciplining with trademark Lorikeet squirts. Snippy concocted SEI nectar metabolized and excreted, causing scorching, acidic, rancid wounds on contact. Once squirted, forever cured of misbehaving!)

 

[LaManuka]

Tales (Quarantined escapee whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua regaled friends with tales of Snappy Malodorous Cloaca syndrome. Murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets wreaked havoc on transgressors by disciplining with trademark Lorikeet squirts. Snippy concocted SEI nectar metabolized and excreted, causing scorching, acidic, rancid wounds on contact. Once squirted, forever cured of misbehaving!)

Seals (Misbehaving whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā forever discouraged from further misconduct after being squirted with scorching, acidic, rancid liquid poop manufactured in the intestines of murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets, of which there is a limitless supply. Snippy further augments the irresistibleness of her tasty liquid poop concoction with the addition of luscious and addictive specially imported Icelandic fermented shark which seals their fates forever!)

 

[Scott]

Seals (Misbehaving whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā forever discouraged from further misconduct after being squirted with scorching, acidic, rancid liquid poop manufactured in the intestines of murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets, of which there is a limitless supply. Snippy further augments the irresistibleness of her tasty liquid poop concoction with the addition of luscious and addictive specially imported Icelandic fermented shark which seals their fates forever!)

Gases (Coromandel environmental monitoring detected unique gases since introduction of murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets. Seems Snippy's liquid poop concoction interacts with Icelandic fermented shark creating toxic spew of cyanide, ammonia, and chlorine. Mortality rate of misbehaving whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā reach staggering levels, threatening extinction.)

 

[LaManuka]

Gases (Coromandel environmental monitoring detected unique gases since introduction of murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets. Seems Snippy's liquid poop concoction interacts with Icelandic fermented shark creating toxic spew of cyanide, ammonia, and chlorine. Mortality rate of misbehaving whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā reach staggering levels, threatening extinction.)

Sagas (Long, looooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnngggg drawn out and epic sagas of Snappy, Snippy, whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā, Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh, shape shifting Lizard People, Sardinian maggot cheese, vats of Spam, offal and organ meats, pinheads with clipboards, plagues of tsetse flies and flocks of murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets finally reach the ears of Environmental Protection Agency responsible for safe-keeping of the beautiful Coromandel, who send out inspectors to see just exactly what the hell is going on out there. Snappy rounds them up on arrival and has them all shot!)

 

[Scott]

Sagas (Long, looooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnngggg drawn out and epic sagas of Snappy, Snippy, whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā, Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh, shape shifting Lizard People, Sardinian maggot cheese, vats of Spam, offal and organ meats, pinheads with clipboards, plagues of tsetse flies and flocks of murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets finally reach the ears of Environmental Protection Agency responsible for safe-keeping of the beautiful Coromandel, who send out inspectors to see just exactly what the hell is going on out there. Snappy rounds them up on arrival and has them all shot!)

Gassy (Snippy gathers hapless inspectors, removes organs, prepares slow-roasted celebratory feast. Snappy releases gassy cloacal discharge into clay oven and ignites with glee. Wafting hallucinogenic fumes elevate the croc duo's brains to ethereal level, reliving the epic sagas of Snappy, Snippy, whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā, Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh, shape shifting Lizard People, Sardinian maggot cheese, vats of Spam, offal and organ meats, pinheads with clipboards, plagues of tsetse flies and flocks of murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets. Was it all just a stoner's dream?)

 

[LaManuka]

Gassy (Snippy gathers hapless inspectors, removes organs, prepares slow-roasted celebratory feast. Snappy releases gassy cloacal discharge into clay oven and ignites with glee. Wafting hallucinogenic fumes elevate the croc duo's brains to ethereal level, reliving the epic sagas of Snappy, Snippy, whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā, Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh, shape shifting Lizard People, Sardinian maggot cheese, vats of Spam, offal and organ meats, pinheads with clipboards, plagues of tsetse flies and flocks of murderous feral crazed hormonal Rainbow Lorikeets. Was it all just a stoner's dream?)

Bassy (Snappy, Snippy, and whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā enjoy slow roasted celebratory feast of Bangkok tarmac broiled haggis, Sardinian maggot cheese, vats of Spam, offal and organ meats, with added patented probiotic formula made from distilled Icelandic fermented shark to assure diverse gut flora and healthy micro-biome. Resulting deep, low-pitched brown note was reportedly very sonorous and bassy and registered a solid 3.2 on the Richter scale.)

 

[Scott]

Bassy (Snappy, Snippy, and whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā enjoy slow roasted celebratory feast of Bangkok tarmac broiled haggis, Sardinian maggot cheese, vats of Spam, offal and organ meats, with added patented probiotic formula made from distilled Icelandic fermented shark to assure diverse gut flora and healthy micro-biome. Resulting deep, low-pitched brown note was reportedly very sonorous and bassy and registered a solid 3.2 on the Richter scale.)

Swabs (Following a slow roasted celebratory feast of Bangkok tarmac broiled haggis, Sardinian maggot cheese, vats of Spam, offal and organ meats, with added patented probiotic formula made from distilled Icelandic fermented shark, global health agencies detected a mighty rumble. Coincident vile stench compelled UN pinheads with clipboards to perform cloacal swabs of Snappy, Snippy, and whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. Pharmaceuticals worldwide ordered to produce vaccine in effort to forever rid the planet of nauseating cloacal blasts.)

 

[LaManuka]

Swabs (Following a slow roasted celebratory feast of Bangkok tarmac broiled haggis, Sardinian maggot cheese, vats of Spam, offal and organ meats, with added patented probiotic formula made from distilled Icelandic fermented shark, global health agencies detected a mighty rumble. Coincident vile stench compelled UN pinheads with clipboards to perform cloacal swabs of Snappy, Snippy, and whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. Pharmaceuticals worldwide ordered to produce vaccine in effort to forever rid the planet of nauseating cloacal blasts.)

Swaps (Incompetent UN pinhead with clipboard inadvertently swaps used cloacal swabs for nasal ones, thus introducing bacteria from Snappy's, Snippy's, and whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā's hideously fertile nether regions into their nasal cavities as well. Subsequent oozings from Snappy's polluted proboscis is sufficient to discourage even brave Snippy from leaning in for a goodnight kiss!)

 

[Scott]

Swaps (Incompetent UN pinhead with clipboard inadvertently swaps used cloacal swabs for nasal ones, thus introducing bacteria from Snappy's, Snippy's, and whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā's hideously fertile nether regions into their nasal cavities as well. Subsequent oozings from Snappy's polluted proboscis is sufficient to discourage even brave Snippy from leaning in for a goodnight kiss!)

Swamp (Inadvertent swaps of cloacal swabs into nasal cavities introduced flesh eating organisms capable of devouring the brain within hours. Hordes of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā's stumbled across a Coromandel swamp in wild stupor searching for antidote. The answer predictably came from Snappy's polluted proboscis in form of naturally antiseptic saliva, quickly distilled into lifesaving tonic by SEI Enterprises.)

 

[LaManuka]

Swamp (Inadvertent swaps of cloacal swabs into nasal cavities introduced flesh eating organisms capable of devouring the brain within hours. Hordes of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā's stumbled across a Coromandel swamp in wild stupor searching for antidote. The answer predictably came from Snappy's polluted proboscis in form of naturally antiseptic saliva, quickly distilled into lifesaving tonic by SEI Enterprises.)

Swami (Having consulted an online swami, Snappy realises he cannot go on polluting the world with his noxious blendings of Spam, offal, freshly harvested organ meats, Icelandic fermented shark, Sardinian maggot cheese, Scrapple, Vegemite, Bangkok tarmac-broiled haggis and Head Cheese forever. Snappy, Snippy and senior representatives of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā head for Kerala, India, where Snappy turns vegetarian and pledges his life to the guru of the local Hindu temple and vows never to partake of any kind of meat ever again! Snippy and whānau visibly shocked!!)

 

[Scott]

Swami (Having consulted an online swami, Snappy realises he cannot go on polluting the world with his noxious blendings of Spam, offal, freshly harvested organ meats, Icelandic fermented shark, Sardinian maggot cheese, Scrapple, Vegemite, Bangkok tarmac-broiled haggis and Head Cheese forever. Snappy, Snippy and senior representatives of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā head for Kerala, India, where Snappy turns vegetarian and pledges his life to the guru of the local Hindu temple and vows never to partake of any kind of meat ever again! Snippy and whānau visibly shocked!!)

Masai (Three months later, an emaciated Snappy is at death's door from horrible vegetarian diet of simple carbs, no veggies or meat substitutes. Snippy rushes to Kerala and observes her croc-mate hallucinating, babbling desires for organ meats, Icelandic fermented shark, Sardinian maggot cheese, Scrapple, Vegemite, Bangkok tarmac-broiled haggis and Head Cheese. Hindu priests at a loss for recovery until senior representatives of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā import a laying Masai Ostrich. Snippy concocts nutritious omelets daily, nurses Snappy to robust health.)

Huge Masai Ostrich Egg

 

[LaManuka]

Masai (Three months later, an emaciated Snappy is at death's door from horrible vegetarian diet of simple carbs, no veggies or meat substitutes. Snippy rushes to Kerala and observes her croc-mate hallucinating, babbling desires for organ meats, Icelandic fermented shark, Sardinian maggot cheese, Scrapple, Vegemite, Bangkok tarmac-broiled haggis and Head Cheese. Hindu priests at a loss for recovery until senior representatives of whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā import a laying Masai Ostrich. Snippy concocts nutritious omelets daily, nurses Snappy to robust health.)

Huge Masai Ostrich Egg

Alias (So desperate is he for a change of diet away from unsatisfactory meat substitutes, Snappy takes on alias of "Snappinder" in order to slip away unnoticed from Kerala temple and seek out local source of Spam. Under cover of darkness and accompanied by only the most trusted whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā, he stumbles across British owned cafe that has just what he needs on the menu!)

 

[Scott]

Alias (So desperate is he for a change of diet away from unsatisfactory meat substitutes, Snappy takes on alias of "Snappinder" in order to slip away unnoticed from Kerala temple and seek out local source of Spam. Under cover of darkness and accompanied by only the most trusted whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā, he stumbles across British owned cafe that has just what he needs on the menu!)

Asian ("Snappinder" befriends trusted whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā as they slip away from Kerala temple in search of exotic Asian and global Spam foods. Snappy is incensed Spam Carbonara and Spam Pesto are unavailable and orders a round of human sacrifices.)

 

[LaManuka]

Asian ("Snappinder" befriends trusted whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā as they slip away from Kerala temple in search of exotic Asian and global Spam foods. Snappy is incensed Spam Carbonara and Spam Pesto are unavailable and orders a round of human sacrifices.)

Snail (Sneaking slyly and stealthily away from his Kerala temple lair, Snappinder and trusted whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā search for exotic Asian and global Spam inspired foods. Horrified at the non-availability of Spam Carbonara and Spam Pesto, but convinced to delay human sacrifices just for now, Snappinder turns inadvertent environmental saviour when he substitutes flesh from invasive African giant land snail into delectable Spam concoction. Snappinder declared a God by native Indian snail populations when their habitat is restored!)

 

[Scott]

Snail (Sneaking slyly and stealthily away from his Kerala temple lair, Snappinder and trusted whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā search for exotic Asian and global Spam inspired foods. Horrified at the non-availability of Spam Carbonara and Spam Pesto, but convinced to delay human sacrifices just for now, Snappinder turns inadvertent environmental saviour when he substitutes flesh from invasive African giant land snail into delectable Spam concoction. Snappinder declared a God by native Indian snail populations when their habitat is restored!)

Vials (Snippy experiments with vials of finely ground invasive African giant land snail hoping to replicate organ meat and offal flavor. Turns out snail excrement was useful additive producing amazing suppositories. Whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā line up for clinical trials guaranteed to produce sly and stealthy experience. Native Indian snail populations erect massive Snappy statue and throw all night party with endless Spam Carbonara and Spam pesto.)