grief and how to deal with loss.

[HeadlessH00ligan]

hello all.
today, my baby girl mango has passed away. she had an egg that has attached to her egg duct, and caused her to bleed internally.
i am beyond gutted. mango was my very first baby bird, and i feel like a part of me died with her. the world part of this is the fact that she died while i was at work. she had entered surgery, went under Anastasia, and within seconds she passed away. this was all while i was at work. i couldn’t say goodbye. i couldn’t tell her i love her with all of my being. and i feel like the worst bird mama ever.
my only peace of mind is at least she passed in a sleep, and not bleeding out and awake.
mango had apparently been bleeding internally for a few days before this point, and the fact she did not die sooner is because of her health and her love for me, at least that’s what the vet said.
i miss her so so much, and i can’t stop shaking. i’m so sad and empty.
i am reaching out to seek any advice or guidance on how i can overcome this. i have 2 other birds that are in my flock, and they need me. i want to stay upbeat for them, but right now i just don’t know what to do.
thank you to all who have read this.

 

[LaManuka66]

hello all.
today, my baby girl mango has passed away. she had an egg that has attached to her egg duct, and caused her to bleed internally.
i am beyond gutted. mango was my very first baby bird, and i feel like a part of me died with her. the world part of this is the fact that she died while i was at work. she had entered surgery, went under Anastasia, and within seconds she passed away. this was all while i was at work. i couldn’t say goodbye. i couldn’t tell her i love her with all of my being. and i feel like the worst bird mama ever.
my only peace of mind is at least she passed in a sleep, and not bleeding out and awake.
mango had apparently been bleeding internally for a few days before this point, and the fact she did not die sooner is because of her health and her love for me, at least that’s what the vet said.
i miss her so so much, and i can’t stop shaking. i’m so sad and empty.
i am reaching out to seek any advice or guidance on how i can overcome this. i have 2 other birds that are in my flock, and they need me. i want to stay upbeat for them, but right now i just don’t know what to do.
thank you to all who have read this.

@HeadlessH00ligan, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss of Mango Honestly I think this is one of the hardest things we ever have to deal with as keepers of birds. You have my every sympathy as I have been through some not dissimilar situations with two "heart birds" of mine. One was a GCC called Baci (Italian for "kisses") in 2018, he became ill with pancreatitis on a Friday afternoon, and despite our taking him to an after-hours (non avian) vet on the weekend and getting him to our regular (and most excellent!) avian specialist first thing Monday morning, we lost him. I had to leave him at the clinic for treatment but he didn't make it through the night, and had I known that I might've had him treated but brought him home to be with me rather than leaving him there all alone, but at the time I thought I was doing the best thing for him. The other was my purple-crowned lorikeet hen, Lilly, who also had issues related to chronic egg laying. She also required surgery and she survived the procedure but then crashed and went into heart fibrillation during recovery, and despite her vet's best efforts she could not be saved. Again, lost at the clinic and I couldn't hold her or tell her one more time how much I loved her or say goodbye. Needless to tell you how devastated I was, as you are feeling that same way now, and I am so very sorry for it.

I don't know how we get through it, but somehow we do, little by little, one breath and one step at a time. We need to feel the grief but not add to it by factoring in the myriad "what ifs" and self-blame that we usually attach to losses like this - they are terribly self-destructive and only serve to make an already awful situation even worse. Be kind to yourself, speak to yourself the way you would your most beloved friend if they were going through this. I lost Baci before I joined the forums, in fact it was his loss that brought me here, and although I cried every day for a solid year after his loss, being able to lean on people here made it more bearable because of our shared experiences. Losing Lilly just about broke me, but again it was the people here who helped me through it, and that's what will go a long way to help you too. With the passage of time it will get better, I promise, but in the meantime you have your other two birds who will ease your heart, and you have this place too. And for you, like it was for me, being here among people who understand this pain is the very best place for those of us who love birds to be.

 

[Vampiric_Conure58]

I'm still dealing with the loss of Tailgate, who I had for 6 months before they passed from an unknown cause. I'm in a bit of a haze. Numb. But getting another bird has helped some of my pain. It always hurts losing a beloved family member, no matter the species—My condolences to you.

 

[wrench1359]

Know how you feel, so much. My little Max, a yellow winged parrot, was with us for 6 years and then passed suddenly, with no obvious cause. Just try to keep in mind the good times and things. The pain will lessen over time.

 

[HeadlessH00ligan]

@HeadlessH00ligan, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss of Mango Honestly I think this is one of the hardest things we ever have to deal with as keepers of birds. You have my every sympathy as I have been through some not dissimilar situations with two "heart birds" of mine. One was a GCC called Baci (Italian for "kisses") in 2018, he became ill with pancreatitis on a Friday afternoon, and despite our taking him to an after-hours (non avian) vet on the weekend and getting him to our regular (and most excellent!) avian specialist first thing Monday morning, we lost him. I had to leave him at the clinic for treatment but he didn't make it through the night, and had I known that I might've had him treated but brought him home to be with me rather than leaving him there all alone, but at the time I thought I was doing the best thing for him. The other was my purple-crowned lorikeet hen, Lilly, who also had issues related to chronic egg laying. She also required surgery and she survived the procedure but then crashed and went into heart fibrillation during recovery, and despite her vet's best efforts she could not be saved. Again, lost at the clinic and I couldn't hold her or tell her one more time how much I loved her or say goodbye. Needless to tell you how devastated I was, as you are feeling that same way now, and I am so very sorry for it.

I don't know how we get through it, but somehow we do, little by little, one breath and one step at a time. We need to feel the grief but not add to it by factoring in the myriad "what ifs" and self-blame that we usually attach to losses like this - they are terribly self-destructive and only serve to make an already awful situation even worse. Be kind to yourself, speak to yourself the way you would your most beloved friend if they were going through this. I lost Baci before I joined the forums, in fact it was his loss that brought me here, and although I cried every day for a solid year after his loss, being able to lean on people here made it more bearable because of our shared experiences. Losing Lilly just about broke me, but again it was the people here who helped me through it, and that's what will go a long way to help you too. With the passage of time it will get better, I promise, but in the meantime you have your other two birds who will ease your heart, and you have this place too. And for you, like it was for me, being here among people who understand this pain is the very best place for those of us who love birds to be.

thank you so much for sharing your story and responding. reading this on my break..
i miss her more than words can even describe. i have her little feet engraved in a little white heart to hold and talk to until i receive her ashes…im holding her right now.

 

[LaManuka66]

thank you so much for sharing your story and responding. reading this on my break..
i miss her more than words can even describe. i have her little feet engraved in a little white heart to hold and talk to until i receive her ashes…im holding her right now.

Oh my heart is breaking for you, and I am sending you big hugs and all the strength that I can right now, this is so hard!!

 

[HeadlessH00ligan]

Oh my heart is breaking for you, and I am sending you big hugs and all the strength that I can right now, this is so hard!!

thank you