Home Invasion

Redballoon

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Some one thought it would be a good idea to try a house invasion at my house tonight, While I was in it.
I was getting the machine ready at about 11.45pm. The doorbell rings twice. It could only 2 or 3 people I can think of so I answer it in my blue robe. I open the inner door and out side the cage are 2 kids about 15-17. I asked them "whats up" and they said,...Get this folks,.... "Give us your smokes c**t". Pardon" says I with a smile growing on my face that Im trying to hide. "Give us all your smokes now or Ill beat you to death with this ",.......wait for it again,....."Skoota".
Well, this was all too much for me. In the next 5 seconds, about 20 if's and maybe's went though my mind and then I thought,.....Why not? Its my house! A small child and his friend have threatened my life at the front door,.... what shall I do? I know, I will club them to death with their own arms, that's what i will do. So I opened up the cage and told them they picked just the right door to knock on. What ensued should be on Funniest home videos. The mouthier lad tries to beat me to death with an L shaped scoota that turns in your hand, So I took it from and advanced on him. His friend started swinging his scoota like it was a pair of nunchkas, while his brave buddy backed into Debbie's un-pruned rose bushes and got caught up. He staggered onto the road backwards and nearly got hit by a passing taxi. Once he realised his $1000 Skooota was now leaving the scene, he got brave again and told me to give him the Skoota or else he would kill me. I laughed at him when I realised he now had to go home and tell his dad where his skoota is. He decided he wanted to say something intelligent, but could only come up with,..I know where you live c**t. Sadly, They just walked from the local service station where they had been harassing customers for smokes., and the clerk knows of him and his parents, so we also know he lives. I asked the cops to give the skoota to the salvo's, but they said if doesnt claim it in 30 days, its mine, and I should keep it coz it worth about $1000. So I decided I will write up the story and put up a sign and raffle the skoota off amongst the people in the area, then I can just give the money to the salvo's.
Any way, about 10 minutes after the cops left I heard glass breaking and went out the front to find the rear window On The station wagon had been smashed. Now this car of Dabs is 7 years old and perfect in every way except one. About 5 weeks ago I bought some of them bamboo lanterns that were on special in the middle of winter here. I bought them and took them out to the car, and placed them across the laid down passengers seat. On the drive home the 6 bamboo ends carved 6 little 1/2 circles in the expensive rear window tinting. Now I had not yet mentioned this to Debbie, and she has not yet mentioned it to me, and now you cant tell what was there and we wont have to pay the deductible coz We are "Victims of crime" and covered by the "victims of crimes "act. Coz we get a crime number, the damage is is covered by a fund that criminals pay into. So all in all its a been and interesting night and in 31 days, I will Have a MADD new Skoota. Its chrome, it is made for an adult and its very light and very strong. I wonder if its a 10 speed racing skoota?
 
HA HA....

When I started reading this I was thinking maybe we were gonna hear about the birds f**cking up an intruder... that would have been better.

But this was good :o)
 
Can Someone tell me what a MAddGear skooter (adult size, top end model) is worth?
I have a few plans. Which is best?
1) take it to the local skate park and let the best skaters do their most damaging tricks and destroy it, then put it on Youtube.
2) Take it to the skate park and let them take all the good parts for themselves.
Then put it on youtube.
3)Find a kid with a Crappy Skooter at the skate park and give it to him. (this one is flawed coz I can see the offender tracking the kid down and trying to take it back, so I dont want to bring trouble on a stranger).
Any other good vengeful ideas come to mind?
 

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