My girlfriend has a phobia of birds.

[Kalidasa]

Ok, I'm going to play the devils advocate here....if it came down to your GF or the bird, if she gave you an ultimatum, which would it be?

 

[Chassy13]

The girlfriend. However, I don't think it'd get forced to an ultimatum, and I'm saying that out of other personal items and ideas in our lives. This isn't headed in the direction of an ultimatum - she isn't giving a solid NO NOT A CHANCE, it's a 'let me experience them first' type of thing.

 

[JadeC]

Well, I think what people are trying to say is if she can't get over her fear at least enough to have a bird fly around the house, you probably shouldn't get one. You gotta think of the bird. I'm sure you know, but a lot of people give up their birds because of a small change in their lives where they "can't" have them anymore. She sounds like she could come around, but just remember that a lot of people on this forum know first hand how much a bird can love you and how detrimental it can be on the bird when the owner decides they can't take care of it anymore or don't want it anymore. Like I said, she sounds like she could come around, but make sure she's at least comfortable enough letting you handle the bird and letting it fly a little, because that's what birds do. You sound like you are taking a good approach though, so keep us updated.

 

[Kalidasa]

The girlfriend. However, I don't think it'd get forced to an ultimatum, and I'm saying that out of other personal items and ideas in our lives. This isn't headed in the direction of an ultimatum - she isn't giving a solid NO NOT A CHANCE, it's a 'let me experience them first' type of thing.

If the bird is bonded to you, which he will be because she's fearful, during hormone season especially (about half the year) that bird will most likely nail her every chance it gets. Parrots eat fear like sunflower seeds, they are the ultimate terrorists. He'll be flying at her, biting her. This will not help her phobia.
"Let me experience them first"? And then what???
Not trying to be a jerk, but this is how it goes it parrotville! How long do you think she will put up with having her skin ripped open? Ask any parrot owner how their parrot responds to people that fear it.

 

[Chassy13]

The idea of this is to get her over the fear so that won't happen. I don't by any means think she is the only one who has had this situation.

The bird WILL bite her. The bird WILL fly. The bird WILL call out. She knows this, and she accepts it - but I also know that she has not experienced it, she has not learned how to deal with it.

I know your fear as well, Kalidasa - and that's having the bird rehomed because of my ultimatum response. That is my fear as well. However, this is not a week process, this is not a month process. The bare minimum this bird could be taken in would be 6 months from now, and that is very unlikely. During these 6 months I hope to expose her to the elements of the parrots. Today she said she actually wanted MORE to go and see them, but jumping to a sanctuary with macaws and african greys are a big step.

I understand where you are coming from, I really do. But I feel like you also don't believe that her phobia has a chance of disappearing. Only time can tell that. Like I said, she's not a major animal person. About the only animal you can get her to say "I like" to are cats. It's a difficult situation for me too and it does make me worry, but it's worth giving it a shot to get her over her fear and enjoying the company (before the bird is taken in).

 

[Kalidasa]

The fact that you are even on here seeking dialogue in this issue shows this isn't a rash decision, and that you are thinking it through. Remember, I was playing devils advocate

 

[Chassy13]

And you are dang good at it!

I want the best for my girlfriend. I really do. I want the best for the parrot. I really do.

That is why I'm putting tons of efforts into research, help, and advice. You guys are a great aid with all of those and I really enjoy seeing this thread get a new post.

It's a difficult decision but it's even harder for her, which can be hard on the parrot. My goal is to balance these out so all three of us will be satisfied. It's not easy because of the fact she isn't a big fan of animals of course! We're all different, but I definitely think it could get there.

 

[RavensGryf]

Good points Kalidasa... both your posts have valid points. I agree with the reality!

If you choose the gf, and if birds just aren't her thing (after trying) are you going to be just as happy of a person being 'birdless' for the rest of your life? Seriously, I couldn't
This and Kalidasa's posts are just questions to ask yourself.

Sounds like your gf is really trying hard and giving it her best shot - she must really love you. Still, since love isn't a cure all unfortunately... Best of luck!!

 

[Chassy13]

I think there are many more factors determining the relationship than just a bird right now overall in our personal lives. Being 'birdless' for life would definitely hurt too. I'm not sure how to accurately respond to your question.

 

[RavensGryf]

I do understand. Life's certainly more complicated than bird or no bird lol. IF you could adjust to the idea of living "birdlessly", and you pick your gf... how about CATS?!!! :cat:
We'll cross our fingers for the bird, but in the event it doesn't work, can you see yourself becoming a CATguy?? The gf would be very happy with that!

 

[Chassy13]

I actually live in a household with two cats right now and I could be considered a CATguy! Haha!

However, we've agreed not to have household cats or dogs, simply from the fur shedding. It's a nightmare in the house I have right now. I love them a lot, but walking outside in a black shirt with white fur-stripes is a pain!!!

 

[RavensGryf]

Just OT for a second... I hear you about the hair and fur... That is the major drawback for me with dogs. Otherwise I do like dogs very much. IF I got a dog, think I might want a poodle because of the non shedding hair
Doesn't bother other people much, but I'm with you on that! Also how Cockatoos, Cockatiels, and Greys have that white powder. I've lived with that before and it drove me crazy :30: I know. I'm weird, it's just me..

 

[Chassy13]

I can't relate on the parrots but I can imagine it! I did read that awhile back about the Greys having that quite excessively. It is a big personal thing, most people don't care about the hair unless they're in your home...then you have to deal with common allergies, etc...animals really are tough but so worth it!

 

[JadeC]

I hope she can get over it but if she can't, I think you could still have birds, but maybe like aviary birds that stay outside Depending on where you live, of course. People here are just concerned about your future parrot and being rehomed, like so many parrots. I don't think it's right for people to be telling you to think about breaking up with her though!! If she can't get over it, living without a bird should be something you can live with if you love her. Especially if you've never lived with a bird before anyway. She sounds like she's coming along and I'm glad you did your research before just getting one. I wouldn't give up my bird for a guy but I wouldn't have gotten him if my boyfriend (at the time, I'm single now) didn't like birds; and this is my second bird, so I knew how amazing parrots could be. My ex husband hated my previous bird because he would go after him and bite him and fly at him, but he loved me and put up with it. He never asked me to get rid of it. Anyway, my rant is over..

 

[Chassy13]

Hello everyone, quick update again!

We visited a parrot sanctuary near my girlfriend's college yesterday. She stayed in the sanctuary the whole time, did have a Sun Conure fly at her, and was up close and personal with a few caged birds. She did not hold any, but she did watch me hold a macaw, an Amazon, and a few others.

The sanctuary was mostly filled with macaws and cockatoos. This amplified the sound A LOT, but I am kind of glad I heard the screeches (although it was difficult to pick out a solo sound).

I still have not moved entirely closer on what species I'm interested in.

The best part of the trip was seeing a Jenday (beautiful birds) get adopted by an elderly lady who had lost her bird of 25 years. She came with her son and his wife who have owned birds. She broke down when the Jenday attached to her (it would barely step-up to anyone, but it was protective of her and only her!) She adopted it for $100 and it was around 13 years old I believe. My girlfriend and I were really awe-struck by that experience and I think it helped her a lot.

She doesn't avoid the birds is one thing I'm implying. She asks questions and she isn't avoiding them completely. She is taking her time and she often brings up the subject herself.

It was a great experience but I'm still trying to depict what kind of bird suits me! I take interest to all of them!

 

[faeryphoebe1]

^Chassy, that is great. It sounds like she's open minded and making wonderful progress! It's so difficult to pick a species because there are so many.

 

[JadeC]

Fantastic!!

 

[BoomBoom]

You and your girlfriend are doing all the right things! Taking it slow and letting this whole deal sink in with her is the best for now. Touching story about the old lady! Classic bird choosing its human.

 

[Pinkbirdy]

Our first bird was a African Grey. My guy was going to be given one some people didn't want. I didn't want him because I thought I had a big fear of birds . I knew I would be the one who would end up caring for him . Like if he had food ,water and a clean cage [ I was right ] So Max came home ,I made an honest effort to learn all about him .He of course loved Dave [and ,bit the crap out of me]. I tried to not show fear. But if you have ever been bit by a Grey .you know their bites are one of the worse ones . This of course made me super scared of birds. I learned to really love him[even though I didn't touch him ]. I then realized I wanted my own [that could maybe like me. I went to are local bird guy . He would let me spend all day at his shop and interact with the babies . That was enough to build my confidence [and didn't realize what a bird person I was!! My first bird was a Caique [Greta and I figured it out together.Birds are so much more than any other animal I have had . I think its a confidence thing. Try a baby that is being weaned you can go visit [and she can handle] My advice is get one you can grow with and learn together.Then maybe understanding them will have you ready for rehomes . Good luck

 

[Chassy13]

I also took interest again into Indian Ringnecks. There was a young one there that kept saying "Hi baby!" in that awesome voice they have. There was also a B&G macaw named Louie that was very shy towards the girl volunteer, but when he came on my arm he just sat there and said, "Hi!."

Does anyone have input on Indian Ringnecks? I've been looking around and I'm liking them more and more. If I stick with the conure, I think it'll be a GCC. The loud shrieks of the macaws and the constant chitter of the suns at the sanctuary were kind of overwhelming (probably since there were so many at once).