Am I a bad bird owner?

[SleepyLuca]

This is kind of a vent but I am looking for help if anybody has advice :’)

First of all, I of course love my boy with everything I have. He’s my almost three year old sun/dusky headed conure. We hatched and raised him ourselves (that being me and my mom) in 2020 and we have an extremely close bond with him. But I always feel like I’m not doing enough. He has about three or four hours out of the cage every day (ofc split up into segments so he can stay hydrated and eat) and all that time is interactive. We engage with him during play, we take him outside in his backpack on occasion and every once in a while we try our best to teach him how to play with bird toys.

I don’t know, I just feel like he shouldn’t be in the cage at all- but with my depression/anxiety issues I have to put him in his cage before I have a burnout/meltdown. I love him with all of my heart but some days, especially when he’s acting up, I get extremely overwhelmed and I can’t get him out of his cage for enough time on those days.

I do know though, that we feed him well. Every day he gets chop filled with all kinds of veggies and stuff that he absolutely adores, and then he gets pellets as well. We keep him away from seeds and we do our best to avoid giving him human snacks/treats. (He’s sneaky and steals the occasional chip or a bite of a sandwich lol) He is a very healthy bird luckily, very bright, curious and active with shiny feathers and a straight tail, no wavy/curly feathers. And yet I still feel like I’m not doing enough.

I always feel like crying when I put him back in his cage cause I feel like im just abandoning him. Im constantly worried that he’s not getting enough exercise or he’s not getting enough interaction and just being away from him in general triggers my anxiety really bad. But im stuck because sometimes being WITH him triggers my anxiety too. I don’t know,, I feel like I should teach him free flight too but the last time he went flying (this was an accident, my mom took him outside, he got spooked and flew. He hasn’t been outdoors outside of his backpack since then.) he was chased by a crow. He didnt get injured (thank God) but I feel like it’s not safe to attempt free flights here cause of the larger birds. And then I feel like I should get a bigger cage or get rid of the cage all together, like I should be interacting with him more or giving him more attention etc etc.

and then we need to figure out how to safely trim his nails because the old place we went to has taken a plummet in quality and treated him horribly the last time. I don’t want to take him back there because they’re really rough with him, but he’s terrified of the nail clippers so we just don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry this is so long lol, I haven’t been able to let all this out so it just kind of spilled :’) I don’t know if all this is just my anxiety screwing with me again and it’s really stressful. If anybody has tips on how I can be better or if I need to be better,, and especially how I could trim his nails at home safely, please let me know

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

I don't have advice, but I'm just here to say, I understand to an extent. I have moderate-severe sensory issues, and just decided to buy my 3 free-roaming budgies a flight cage. It's just too much to have loud little birds flying around while I'm having a meltdown or shutdown or just plan old sensory overload. And the decision has been difficult, and it will be difficult to confine them, and I will feel an immense amount of guilt (I have tried before, so I know) when it comes time to keep them in there instead of letting them fly everywhere. So I understand feeling tons of guilt, but just not being able to function, or even be remotely OK with the birds out. I'm sorry you're struggling, but as long as the cage is a good size, and has plenty of toys, try not to feel guilty. All birds want and need quiet time anyway.

 

[ravvlet]

Hey, be kind to yourselves. The fact that you are here and the level of care you have laid out clearly shows you care.

We are not perfect, and captivity always has trade offs. Your bird will never have to worry about food, warmth, shelter, or predators. However, as you outlined, they have limited free out time and cannot fly outdoors for safety reasons. It sounds like you’re struggling with the ethics of keeping and raising wild species in captivity, and I imagine it’s something most people wrestle with here. I have definitely felt immense guilt before because I feel like I am not doing enough.

You sound like you are doing your very best, and you deserve to be commended for that.

 

[Owlet]

I understand the anxiety, I have a lot of it myself. But I do recommend doing what Stormy suggests in just getting them a really nice big cage where they cna flutter around and you can fill with all sorts of toys and perches. I know a lot of parrot owners push for as much outside time as possible, but sometimes that outside time isn't much and it's our job to find alternatives to keep our birds happy. I honestly don't take my birds out as much as I would like but I still handle them at least a little everyday make sure they're healthy and happy otherwise they are pretty happy in their cages.

as for the nails, you can try getting some of those gritty perches. they make special ones where the sides are grit but the top isn't so you're not hurting their feet. Or I recently discovered the joys of flat flagstone perches. My cockatiel loves hers and it helps with her nails. I'm considering getting one for the other birds.

 

[SleepyLuca]

Thank you everyone, I genuinely appreciate the support and encouragement. It definitely helped knowing that I’m not the only bird owner with sensory issues, thank you for sharing that. it made me feel a lot better not being alone haha :’)

I’m definitely gonna try to get him a flight cage too, we’re a little tight on money and space- but I wanna work out a way to do that so he can have a little freedom in the cage.

And! I looked up some of the grit perches and found one that has great reviews, im definitely gonna order one and see how it works for him! Thank you so much for this advice, I didn’t even know these existed so this is a lifesaver haha!

 

[wrench13]

Sleepy Luca, deep breath. Slow exhale. Good? Great! First, the suggestions by my friend Owlet are good ones regarding both a grit perch, and a flat flagstone perch are good ones. I have both for Salty and they do keep his claws trimmed up. SHorter, but not dull ! Just make sure his sleeping perch is not a gritty one, too much time on those is very tough on the bottom of the footsies.

As far as out of cage time, try to make what ever time he has out of his cage to be a rewarding one. If he wants to play by himself, great, but interactive play is more rewarding for both of you. Simple bedspread games like Fetch, Peek-a-boo, What's in my Hand, are good starters. But I think the best would be if you start to train him on doing tricks. Simple at first and depending on his interest and ability, get progressively more complex. Parrots LOVE to learn stuff, especially for a small schnibble of treat. Trick training is a super way of engaging your parrot, building and strengthening your bond and I will bet it becomes the highlight of his day.
I know my Salty LOVES his training sessions. Sessions don;t need to be long, 15 min at most. You could include free flight training in it, but from the sound of things, the presence of predators in your area, free flight might not be a good idea. Harness training might be a better idea (though that also is risky in predator rich areas). With a harness, though Indi can be brought to all sorts of places he will enjoy. Salty and I go toy shopping together, and always stop afterwards for a nice adult beverage at a friendly tavern, where they love seeing him. For ideas on tricks, please check out some of Salty and me in trick training videos , link below.
https://m.youtube.com/user/captniceguy?itct=CAEQ8DsiEwjIkt6to-fWAhUK8ZwKHVY_AsI=

Last, if the auditory overload gets to big sometimes, either noise cancelling Ear-buds ( which aint cheap), or the noise cancelling headphones used in rifle ranges ( MUCH cheaper!). I have the latter, and they work great.

Good Luck!

 

[DonnaBudgie]

Thank you everyone, I genuinely appreciate the support and encouragement. It definitely helped knowing that I’m not the only bird owner with sensory issues, thank you for sharing that. it made me feel a lot better not being alone haha :’)

I’m definitely gonna try to get him a flight cage too, we’re a little tight on money and space- but I wanna work out a way to do that so he can have a little freedom in the cage.

And! I looked up some of the grit perches and found one that has great reviews, im definitely gonna order one and see how it works for him! Thank you so much for this advice, I didn’t even know these existed so this is a lifesaver haha!

You are a GREAT bird owner! Your birds are lucky to have you taking care of them. You can't be expected to interact with the all day long and they need to learn how to entertain themselves when you can't. You're doing everything right.

 

[Jcas]

This is kind of a vent but I am looking for help if anybody has advice :’)

First of all, I of course love my boy with everything I have. He’s my almost three year old sun/dusky headed conure. We hatched and raised him ourselves (that being me and my mom) in 2020 and we have an extremely close bond with him. But I always feel like I’m not doing enough. He has about three or four hours out of the cage every day (ofc split up into segments so he can stay hydrated and eat) and all that time is interactive. We engage with him during play, we take him outside in his backpack on occasion and every once in a while we try our best to teach him how to play with bird toys.

I don’t know, I just feel like he shouldn’t be in the cage at all- but with my depression/anxiety issues I have to put him in his cage before I have a burnout/meltdown. I love him with all of my heart but some days, especially when he’s acting up, I get extremely overwhelmed and I can’t get him out of his cage for enough time on those days.

I do know though, that we feed him well. Every day he gets chop filled with all kinds of veggies and stuff that he absolutely adores, and then he gets pellets as well. We keep him away from seeds and we do our best to avoid giving him human snacks/treats. (He’s sneaky and steals the occasional chip or a bite of a sandwich lol) He is a very healthy bird luckily, very bright, curious and active with shiny feathers and a straight tail, no wavy/curly feathers. And yet I still feel like I’m not doing enough.

I always feel like crying when I put him back in his cage cause I feel like im just abandoning him. Im constantly worried that he’s not getting enough exercise or he’s not getting enough interaction and just being away from him in general triggers my anxiety really bad. But im stuck because sometimes being WITH him triggers my anxiety too. I don’t know,, I feel like I should teach him free flight too but the last time he went flying (this was an accident, my mom took him outside, he got spooked and flew. He hasn’t been outdoors outside of his backpack since then.) he was chased by a crow. He didnt get injured (thank God) but I feel like it’s not safe to attempt free flights here cause of the larger birds. And then I feel like I should get a bigger cage or get rid of the cage all together, like I should be interacting with him more or giving him more attention etc etc.

and then we need to figure out how to safely trim his nails because the old place we went to has taken a plummet in quality and treated him horribly the last time. I don’t want to take him back there because they’re really rough with him, but he’s terrified of the nail clippers so we just don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry this is so long lol, I haven’t been able to let all this out so it just kind of spilled :’) I don’t know if all this is just my anxiety screwing with me again and it’s really stressful. If anybody has tips on how I can be better or if I need to be better,, and especially how I could trim his nails at home safely, please let me know

I agree with those who say you’re doing a great job with your little buddy! We all love our birds but sometimes they can drive us crazy! One thought on spending time with your bird: When JJ first came to live with me, it was hard because he was so upset by all the changes in his life that any attempt to interact would easily end in blood. At the same time, he hated being left alone. What I ended up doing was taking some time each day to sit down next to his cage and read a book, watch videos on my phone, listen to music etc. This became a really easy, low- pressure way to spend some time with him and we both enjoyed it. Although playing with your bird, teaching him tricks etc. is really great, my experience with birds is that they don’t ALWAYS need our time with them to be interactive. Sometimes just quietly hanging out together can count as quality time, too!

 

[kdoyle]

Im

This is kind of a vent but I am looking for help if anybody has advice :’)

First of all, I of course love my boy with everything I have. He’s my almost three year old sun/dusky headed conure. We hatched and raised him ourselves (that being me and my mom) in 2020 and we have an extremely close bond with him. But I always feel like I’m not doing enough. He has about three or four hours out of the cage every day (ofc split up into segments so he can stay hydrated and eat) and all that time is interactive. We engage with him during play, we take him outside in his backpack on occasion and every once in a while we try our best to teach him how to play with bird toys.

I don’t know, I just feel like he shouldn’t be in the cage at all- but with my depression/anxiety issues I have to put him in his cage before I have a burnout/meltdown. I love him with all of my heart but some days, especially when he’s acting up, I get extremely overwhelmed and I can’t get him out of his cage for enough time on those days.

I do know though, that we feed him well. Every day he gets chop filled with all kinds of veggies and stuff that he absolutely adores, and then he gets pellets as well. We keep him away from seeds and we do our best to avoid giving him human snacks/treats. (He’s sneaky and steals the occasional chip or a bite of a sandwich lol) He is a very healthy bird luckily, very bright, curious and active with shiny feathers and a straight tail, no wavy/curly feathers. And yet I still feel like I’m not doing enough.

I always feel like crying when I put him back in his cage cause I feel like im just abandoning him. Im constantly worried that he’s not getting enough exercise or he’s not getting enough interaction and just being away from him in general triggers my anxiety really bad. But im stuck because sometimes being WITH him triggers my anxiety too. I don’t know,, I feel like I should teach him free flight too but the last time he went flying (this was an accident, my mom took him outside, he got spooked and flew. He hasn’t been outdoors outside of his backpack since then.) he was chased by a crow. He didnt get injured (thank God) but I feel like it’s not safe to attempt free flights here cause of the larger birds. And then I feel like I should get a bigger cage or get rid of the cage all together, like I should be interacting with him more or giving him more attention etc etc.

and then we need to figure out how to safely trim his nails because the old place we went to has taken a plummet in quality and treated him horribly the last time. I don’t want to take him back there because they’re really rough with him, but he’s terrified of the nail clippers so we just don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry this is so long lol, I haven’t been able to let all this out so it just kind of spilled :’) I don’t know if all this is just my anxiety screwing with me again and it’s really stressful. If anybody has tips on how I can be better or if I need to be better,, and especially how I could trim his nails at home safely, please let me know

I’m in a similar situation with my conure, I wake up a bit early before I get ready for work so I can spend at Least an hour with her and do at least 10 minutes of tricks/training, I work for 6 hour shifts 5 days a week and then I come home at 6pm and have her out until about 9pm/just after it gets dark. She gets 4-5 hours out every day and my roommate is amazing for visiting her when I’m not home I just can’t help but feel like I should be doing more, I bought a large flight cage for her in hopes she would be able to entertain herself a little bit more and it’s filled with foraging toys i stuff with treats

A lot of the time when I get home from work (i work a customer service/warehouse job) and when I get home sometimes I’m just so tired and anxious I just don’t have the energy to keep her out or deal with her biting for very long at a time. She has a biting issue right now she had to stay with my mom for a couple months when I moved because of where I was living at the time but I live with my three friends from highschool who are very understanding and helpful towards my situation with her. But my mother let her “nest” under a cabinet and just sleep there overnight sometimes (despite my warning like that’s so bad for her) and she’s become incredibly hormonal and moody now that she’s back in my care and on a regular schedule again, it’s really a lot sometimes,

what I’m trying to say is I think you’re doing amazing for the tools you have atm, don’t put more stress on yourself than you can handle and burnout even further I think your bird will be in your life a long time and you have time to improve when you’re ready

 

[Botsari]

I think we ALL feel this way from time to time. The fact that you are asking the question, I think, means you are a GOOD owner. Currently I have a new “baby”,well past weening about 5 1/2 months old that whenever he sees me wants to be with me as his overriding concern. When in his cage he makes this clawing motion with one of his legs as if to dig his way out of the cage. It’s heartbreaking, but like a crying baby, I try to keep reminding myself. It is designed be to be that way. When he is out, which is a lot, he acts like his heart’s desire is to crawl inside my body. If I scratch his head he is finally at peace and I think he would let me do this 24/7 when he is not eating. But that would never be possible - even if I was his real mom. If you are paying attention you are worrying to one extent or another. I think that is a good thing provided you don’t get yourself too twisted up in knots about things.

Every bird is different but a couple of ideas to throw into the ring. You are never going to be able to mitigate the desire to be in close contact with the flock at all times, but as mentioned above, having a big enough cage where the bird does not feel constricted in an way, and actively enjoys the space is step one.

Placing the cage where he can see the action going on in the house even when he is not out will also help a lot. When I moved to my present house years ago I built the an elaborate bird area in a huge solarium with a 7 foot high set of manzanita branches I built into a tree plus other goodies. But my birds clearly hated the fact that they couldn’t see me. They had this ( in my view) huge parrot paradise and just spent all their time looking for me through the screen door. So eventually I got rid of the whole idea and moved them adjacent to the kitchen.

Third, if it is feasible in your life consider getting him a friend/cagemate. If he/she has another bird there most of the flock separation anxiety should disappear. I’m a huge believer in the idea that other birds can give each other things we never can. If the bond between them is strong enough they might not be quite as close to you anymore. But once you realize that some of the “affection” they express for you is actually tied to flock separation anxiety it may seem like a small price to pay. ESPECIALLY in the cases where there will be of necessity a total physical separation from your bird for significant amounts of time a bird companion might be just the ticket.

 

[Botsari]

Oh, I also forgot to explicitly mention that a lot of time with two birds rather than one the loudest location calls you get when your bird is calling for you will actually go down as the birds relax more in each other’s company. So it can often be a case where 1+1 =1/2 as far as the noise goes - up to a point. For birds never being alone = calm. That goes for species that live in the wild in large groups as well as ones where single pair bonding is the main interaction of adults. This is not to say some birds can’t learn to adapt and still be happy. I just feel like it is important to understand the biology behind the issue. They are very adaptable but I personally feel like we should never anthropomorphize them too much. It is good to try to meet them in the middle somewhere.

 

[cradle1127]

This is kind of a vent but I am looking for help if anybody has advice :’)

First of all, I of course love my boy with everything I have. He’s my almost three year old sun/dusky headed conure. We hatched and raised him ourselves (that being me and my mom) in 2020 and we have an extremely close bond with him. But I always feel like I’m not doing enough. He has about three or four hours out of the cage every day (ofc split up into segments so he can stay hydrated and eat) and all that time is interactive. We engage with him during play, we take him outside in his backpack on occasion and every once in a while we try our best to teach him how to play with bird toys.

I don’t know, I just feel like he shouldn’t be in the cage at all- but with my depression/anxiety issues I have to put him in his cage before I have a burnout/meltdown. I love him with all of my heart but some days, especially when he’s acting up, I get extremely overwhelmed and I can’t get him out of his cage for enough time on those days.

I do know though, that we feed him well. Every day he gets chop filled with all kinds of veggies and stuff that he absolutely adores, and then he gets pellets as well. We keep him away from seeds and we do our best to avoid giving him human snacks/treats. (He’s sneaky and steals the occasional chip or a bite of a sandwich lol) He is a very healthy bird luckily, very bright, curious and active with shiny feathers and a straight tail, no wavy/curly feathers. And yet I still feel like I’m not doing enough.

I always feel like crying when I put him back in his cage cause I feel like im just abandoning him. Im constantly worried that he’s not getting enough exercise or he’s not getting enough interaction and just being away from him in general triggers my anxiety really bad. But im stuck because sometimes being WITH him triggers my anxiety too. I don’t know,, I feel like I should teach him free flight too but the last time he went flying (this was an accident, my mom took him outside, he got spooked and flew. He hasn’t been outdoors outside of his backpack since then.) he was chased by a crow. He didnt get injured (thank God) but I feel like it’s not safe to attempt free flights here cause of the larger birds. And then I feel like I should get a bigger cage or get rid of the cage all together, like I should be interacting with him more or giving him more attention etc etc.

and then we need to figure out how to safely trim his nails because the old place we went to has taken a plummet in quality and treated him horribly the last time. I don’t want to take him back there because they’re really rough with him, but he’s terrified of the nail clippers so we just don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry this is so long lol, I haven’t been able to let all this out so it just kind of spilled :’) I don’t know if all this is just my anxiety screwing with me again and it’s really stressful. If anybody has tips on how I can be better or if I need to be better,, and especially how I could trim his nails at home safely, please let me know

Heya, I too suffer from depression and I've got an Orange Winged Amazon and I cannot be there for her every hour of the day but there's a couple of youtube channels that I always have on to keep her company!!! One's called parrot tv, tons of vid at varying lengths 2 hours, 3 hours or even live (several hours)!!! there's a massive selection of music and natural sounds and always with lots of parrots!! i also play a channel from Tico and the Man where an amazon parrot sings while his human plays the guitar. Be kind to yourself. you're doing great!!!

 

[DonnaBudgie]

Heya, I too suffer from depression and I've got an Orange Winged Amazon and I cannot be there for her every hour of the day but there's a couple of youtube channels that I always have on to keep her company!!! One's called parrot tv, tons of vid at varying lengths 2 hours, 3 hours or even live (several hours)!!! there's a massive selection of music and natural sounds and always with lots of parrots!! i also play a channel from Tico and the Man where an amazon parrot sings while his human plays the guitar. Be kind to yourself. you're doing great!!!

Parrots don't think of their cages as jail cells like we would. Their cage is their house. Their personal safe space. As long as the cage is large enough they can do lots of the same things inside their cages that they do outside, like perch, preen, eat, watch TV, listen to music, play with toys, nap, and sit contentedly grinding their beaks. Not flying, but they don't constantly fly around when let out of their cages and it wouldn't be safe for your bird to have free run of your home. I think you are being way too hard on yourself.