another new member

[Motto]

I was looking for advice and found this. Unlike nearly everyone here no "solution" has been achieved after years with our conure. My husband bought her and I've been utterly miserable. All of her care falls on me because he didn't fully visualize what having a cute talking bird actually looked like. I'm the one who feeds her, gives her water, plays with her, makes sure she is comfortable and has a budgie friend, keeps her cage (which is a huge tower thing) clean, and cover her routinely at night. Yes I've spoken with husband about it. He works long hours and doesn't want to spend his time with her. But he still loves her of course.

Her noises hurt my ears and brain. Her sad noises, her happy noises, her morning noises. It shatters my mind and causes me distress to the point of sitting in the car in our driveway crying. And of course I can still hear her. I think I have sensitive ears. She bites our children, and leaves her droppings all over the furniture. We can't have a dog or a cat because of the potential threat. Her NOISE. I'm so glad everyone else seems to be in love or surviving their spouses cute idea but for those out there who feel the marriage has been damaged, you're not alone.

I feel very hurt and unloved due to the suffering she causes me and my husband's indifference because she's so cute and he saw conures on the internet and wanted one. People who get birds or any pet that torments their spouse ... what is wrong with you? Selfish and inconsiderate are understatements.

P.S. I'm kind to our bird. I don't hate her. It's not her fault for existing and for my husband buying her. I just can't take the noise, the biting, the poop, and the social neediness. I already have children. Sadly this one won't be leaving the house but lives forever?

 

[Motto]

Hi we have a conure. Can't wait to get some advice in here. Her noise makes me miserable.
We've had her for years and she seems pretty happy. Definitely taken care of and played with. I fantasize about her dying so I can regain my sanity, but a peaceful death. No suffering. Just permanently not existing. If my husband gets another bird I'm leaving.

Hope everyone's having a good day.

 

[DonnaBudgie]

Wow! I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. I also thank you for taking care of his bird despite your misery. Have you tried earplugs? If that doesn't help, and I hate to say this, have you considered finding a new home for her where she would be loved well taken care of? Rehoming is a last resort but you shouldn't have to suffer like this and your bird should have a home where she isn't resented so much.

 

[Corkscr.ew35]

I'm sorry. Unfortunately, impulse-buys are very common and I'm sure there are many people in your situation.

If you have tried noise-cancelling headphones/earplugs, changing her diet, increasing her sleep, and training and interacting with her as much as possible, there aren't many more ways to stop her from making noise. This goes double because you have a conure which immediately puts your bird on the noisier side compared to most other small birds. Biting may be a result of inadequate diet or attention, both of which you should focus on if you have time. Sleep can also be a huge factor into aggression. Mess can be reduced but the only way to eliminate it is by confining your bird to her cage.

Also: having a bird should definitely not compromise your marriage or quality of life, so if this continues despite your efforts (and this seems to be the case) I would consider rehoming.

 

[wrench1399]

Look none of us is a marriage counselor, but I would think that there might be more then just this parrot involved in the unpleasantness of the living situation here. A long, frank discussion with your husband is in order, at minimum about the sharing of responsibilities for this bird and possibly quite a lot more. Parrots do respond to training, when it is done properly and everyone adheres to the rules, so some of your complaints could be addressed, however excessive noise is one that is super hard to control, if at all.

 

[rheashard2]

A talk with husband and a counselor is recommended. This can happen no matter the pet; dogs, cats, fish, reptiles. I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Wonderful advice above...
I've had a monster conure for 40 years, and have adopted a bizarre comical coexistence. Everybody hates him. He's awful...in good part due to my bad behavior management... but he's still awful. But I adore him... he's strangely my link with Eternity and Nature (mi enlace con la Naturaleza, as we say in Spanish), and i couldn't do without him. Most friends/family endure him. lamenting that I'm so eccentric (in mannnnnny ways). I got him as a 3-month-old chick, and he's mine. Into Eternity. Yeah, I'm probably nuts. No.. ECCENTRIC!
Thanks for sharing. Very best of luck. If you'd like to message me for support, I'd be glad to reply.
I'm glad you're here.

 

[rheashard2]

I agree with above. Had my CAG since she was 3.5 months old. She'll be 21 yo in a few months. She chose me. I am hers! I tried to keep her from becoming a tyrant. The success depends on what I have and what she wants.

 

[Motto]

A talk with husband and a counselor is recommended. This can happen no matter the pet; dogs, cats, fish, reptiles. I'm sorry you're going through this.

husband refuses to go to counseling.

 

[Motto]

Wonderful advice above...
I've had a monster conure for 40 years, and have adopted a bizarre comical coexistence. Everybody hates him. He's awful...in good part due to my bad behavior management... but he's still awful. But I adore him... he's strangely my link with Eternity and Nature (mi enlace con la Naturaleza, as we say in Spanish), and i couldn't do without him. Most friends/family endure him. lamenting that I'm so eccentric (in mannnnnny ways). I got him as a 3-month-old chick, and he's mine. Into Eternity. Yeah, I'm probably nuts. No.. ECCENTRIC!
Thanks for sharing. Very best of luck. If you'd like to message me for support, I'd be glad to reply.
I'm glad you're here.

I love you. Thank you for replying. It's honestly very helpful to hear the other side.
My husband's feelings towards the bird are actually important and that's why we still have her.

Necessito ayuda por favor. I can't thank you enough for your thoughts. I really really really appreciate the honesty. I don't want to make my husband feel bad or resentful, ya know? Even though that's how the rest of the family feels. He forced me to rehome our dog a long time and I still haven't forgiven him. I have no intention of hurting him like he hurt me.

Also you guys are seriously awesome. Great advice for how to care for birds, who are, some of the most wonderful creature on this earth. Meant to fly but hey if they're happy with you, then who am I to judge? Keep being the loving and kind people you are.

I just. Don't know what to do.

 

[Motto]

I'm sorry. Unfortunately, impulse-buys are very common and I'm sure there are many people in your situation.

If you have tried noise-cancelling headphones/earplugs, changing her diet, increasing her sleep, and training and interacting with her as much as possible, there aren't many more ways to stop her from making noise. This goes double because you have a conure which immediately puts your bird on the noisier side compared to most other small birds. Biting may be a result of inadequate diet or attention, both of which you should focus on if you have time. Sleep can also be a huge factor into aggression. Mess can be reduced but the only way to eliminate it is by confining your bird to her cage.

Also: having a bird should definitely not compromise your marriage or quality of life, so if this continues despite your efforts (and this seems to be the case) I would consider rehoming.

It's funny, I actually have tried ear plugs and noise canceling headphones. and used both simultaneously. My husband also told me to "go to my room" when she bothers me.

It's my home. My ears. Why should I be tap dancing around the bird?

She eats well, a lovely little bully to the other bird in fact. Sleeps great. We have a large cage with a quality sleep covering and consistent schedule. If she communicates needing to sleep early, I help her without hesitation. The children and I take shifts ACTUAL shifts to play with her, cuddle with her, and get bitten by her.

We all kinda serve her? All the time? Husband refuses to rehome, go to counseling, and best of all discuss it with the rest of us. It's kinda messed up.

 

[osklvste58]

Honestly some birds can establish dominance with thier flock. Others may be able to be to help with training. I have a suggestion about the noise. I have migraines. Noises are one of my triggers. Noise canceling devices are best. Counseling places, medical, verbal and the like use them. It's cheaper than building sound proof rooms. Get quality. Place them in hallways and along areas you don't want to hear or decrease her sound. Spacing will depend on how you deal with the white noise.

 

[Motto]

God I appreciate you.

I'm a mother of five so noise canceling headphones feels irresponsible, not to mention it hurts my head. Ear plugs don't work. I'm in therapy and on meds. I can hear her when I sit in my car in my driveway so there is no place for me to move her or myself where I can't hear her.

I actually have a sound proof recording studio in my home but sticking her in there is cruel in my opinion because she's so needy and I kid you not I can still hear her.

It's weird but I feel like training her to be quiet isn't kind (for her personally) she screeches when she's happy. Like it's just her voice. Her way. It feel like I'm supposed to teach her not to talk or express herself and I just can't do that to anyone. She's a good person. Just loud, needy, and bites people. and dominates our home.

Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your situation.

 

[osklvste58]

Thinking about my response to noise that trigger and aggravate my migraines. Is it possible it's in her tone, pitch or something related to it is your trigger? Vibration? People sensitive to sounds can react oddly. Medically the temporal bone just above your ear can be as sensitive or more to sounds, tones, vibration than our ears. Finding the actual trigger is important. The sound is only part.