Heartbreaking

[Rik398]

o...k...

So, I have moved my Jenday conure to my Grans house, so he no longer lives with me. The reason for this, is because my girlfriend hates him. For the last few months, she has been smoking in my room where he lives, throwing things at the cage when he is noisy (to the point where it is no longer a square shaped cage any more) and tried feeding him red bull the other day 'to see what would happen'

Me and my girlfriend have been having problems in our relationship recently. Bearing in mind the fact that she is not nice to the bird at the best of times (she does it when I am not around, but have been informed by other members of my family about how she treats him when I am away) I felt it necessary to move him to my grans house, juts in case she flips on him at this sensitive time.

(the bird is actually a girl, but I call it a He because that is how he was sold to me lol)

I know I should have moved him sooner really, but it was not until the other day when I actually saw it for myself that it really kicked in.

The bird loves me to bits. And when she is not around he basically lives out of the cage. Although, recently he has shown a hatred towards my girlfriend.

I have told my girlfriend that I have moved him becuase I think the bird is winding her up, rather than comming streight out with telling her she is abusive towards him.

I suppose what I am worried about is this, is the bird going to hate me now? I don't know how long he will have to stay at my grans. It may even be sensible to leave him there forever. (my gran is experienced in caring for birds) but I will only realistically be able to see him once a week. Is that going to ruin the relationship I have with the bird?

Thanks for the help folks.

 

[baron1282]

I don't mean to be rude, but you need to tell her to get the "Blank" out!!

You will never be happy without your pet, and you won't be happy with a person that would be cruel to any animal.

Yes your relationship will suffer with your bird, that bird will be sitting in the cage all week long, and only can come out once a week? Your grandma I am sure will take good care of your bird, but that is unfair to your grandmother to ask her to take care of an animal you are the guarding over.

Think about it like this, that Bird is your kid. You raised it, been friends with the bird, that bird in turn loves you. You essentially told your kid that you no longer matter and I don't want you around anymore. That may not be the case, but that is what that poor animal thinks.

I am sorry, but you don't need to be in that kind of a relationship, it is not conducive for you or your animal. Stand up and be the man and tell your girlfriend you stop messing with my bird, or your gone. I personally would let her go and find someone else that will love your hobbies with you as well as your pets. Pets are apart of the relationship and if the other person can't handle your pet, that person is no good for you.

 

[MeganMango]

Please try to remember that people who abuse animals often do the same to children. Is this really the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Is this type of abusive person worth your bird?

 

[wenz2712]

Sorry, but I really am at a loss what to say here, other than I think it is your Girlfriend that you should have moved out!!

 

[osnyder]

What the other two responders said.

Not to read to much into your story-- mind you I'm a psychotherapist so it's basically impossible for me to not read into this sort of thing-- but she sounds at best like an unhappy and unkind person; at worst there is something much more serious going on. You sound like you may be a little stuck in the relationship-- maybe evaluate why.

Can't see an animal lover ever being able to be partners with someone who is abusive toward animals-- makes no logical sense.

I'm glad your bird is safe with your gran, but this doesn't seem like the best long-term solution.

 

[008kenichijouji]

Oh my...

Well, obviously, you've done the right thing in removing the bird from the immediate danger. As for the relationship between you and your bird... I suppose you need to do what you feel you need to do, but I'm just going to say that if my boyfriend EVER did that to something I held dear--especially a living thing, and treating it so nastily--I would seriously give my relationship with HIM a lot of thought, and figure out what is really going on. I think your girlfriend needs to get to the bottom of why she's behaving that way towards your bird. The bird did nothing wrong, so why should it get the brunt of her anger/frustrations?

I think you owe it to your girlfriend and bird to get down to brass tacks and question what's really going on; if she isn't going to be rational, then YOU need to be, and suggest she get some help. As someone else said, being abusive to animals is a precursor to other undesirable behavior. For some reason, she's finding pleasure in causing the "weaker" creature to suffer. It's not fair to keep the situation the way it is: not fair for any of you involved! You shouldn't have to forego your bird pal to keep your girlfriend "happy". And doing that is actually just giving in to her underlying problem, whatever it is....

 

[Kantia]

This could have an impact on your relationship with your Jenday.

Whether it was a dog, cat or bird I could NOT be with someone who dislikes animals, let alone abuse them. It just wouldn't work.

I think you need to ask yourself who you'd rather be with, your bird or girlfriend. As the others have said, I think it should have been your girlfriend who moved out! But only you can make this choice. I don't want to go on and on with relationship advice, but seriously... Give it some thought. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with your girlfriend and possibly lose your Jenday?

 

[Remy]

I think it will likely have an impact on your relationship with your bird. He could become depressed from not seeing your as often, or his bond could weaken with you. You did the right thing by removing him from that kind of treatment though.

However, I have a question. Why on earth would you stay with somebody who is an animal abuser? I say ditch the girlfriend, and keep the bird.

It's not just that the bird bothers her, but how she treats the bird that bothers me. For your own sake (and everyone else's) I highly recommend that you evaluate your reasons for staying in this relationship.

 

[antoinette]

I am so relieved members of your family informed you what is going on, and you saw for yourself exactly what type of a person she is.
You mentioned that this has been going on for months, no wonder the bird has such hatred towards your girlfriend.

Your girlfriend is abusing the poor bird, throwing things at the cage, obviously hard enough to change the shape of the cage OMG just imagine how scared and terrified he was. Trying to feed the bird red bull OMG she was trying to kill your bird.

Besides the problems between you and your girlfriend, she will never change her ways or feeling towards your bird.

If you remain in this relationship, and decide to get another pet, what are the chances she will treat the animal any differently. Would you be willing to put another animal through, what your bird had endured.

People who abuse pets, are at risk to do the same to their children. If you do father her children, you will constantly worry whether they are being abused as well. Need I say more.

Not fair for the bird either, you seeing him once a week. You mentioned he loves you, don't sacrifice your relationship with the bird, for someone who is so cruel.

You need to be honest with yourself and with her, telling her exactly why you have moved the bird.

My honest opinion, you are in a very unhealthy relationship, and need to end it.

 

[ZephyrTK]

Not too trivialize all the complications of your situation: dump the girl and bring the bird home. Someone who loves you should be at your home for you when you come home.

Sorry you are experiencing this.

 

[aliray]

I personally agree with the above posts, she needs to go asap and bring the bird home where it belongs. Just my opinion.

 

[008kenichijouji]

A bit of advice for any future romantic endeavors: I suggest informing them that you love animals, especially your pet bird, and if they don't like that, then ditch 'em!

I told my boyfriend straight up: I WILL have pet birds, macaw, cockatoo, whatever it may be. They will be loud. They will want attention. They will cost a bit of cash. If you don't like it, there's the door. Haha.

Your girlfriend (and perhaps future wife!) needs to be comfortable of your wants and interests, and it's only fair that you let them know right away.

 

[SandyBee]

Well, ok you have had lots of comments on your relationship (which I agree with the other) but...

It's great you got your bird out of a bad situation and that your gran could and would do it.
Yes chances are that you will change the relationship with your bird, he's used to you taking care of him.But if it's a short time he will probably be OK.

You say you may leave it there forever, will he get enough attention there? Remember owning a pet you are responsible for it's well being and best interest. Birds need their flock members(you) socialization, training, love. If your Gran can do these things well he will take to her, If not you are confining him to a life of loneliness and that is unfair. Whatever choice you make, you need to do the right thing by him.

 

[FineFeatheredFriend]

Let me give you my example, my wife does not like my Quaker parrot. The bird flies and bites her if she is too close to me. She has asked me several times to get rid of her. I have explained to her that I love my bird alot and we are both bonded to each other. If I rehome then the bird could die or self mutilate. Birds consider their human companions as their flock. If taken out of this flock then they feel that the flock has rejected them. So there is no way that I will part with my little friend even if the wifey likes it or not. Hope this helps you, Peace Be To You.

 

[Rik398]

Thanks for your responses folks.

Of course, there is more to the story. I am a psychology student, so (as someone has already said) I find it hard not to read too much into things, and it can be a bit of a curse when it comes to personal relationships.

I really cannot go into too much detail, other than the fact that we have been together for 2 and a half years, and the reason she moved in was because of some fairly serious issues at home. She has been in therapy, and she left therapy and everything was fine. Recently however, I believe that the issues she suffers with have been raising their heads again, and this is obviously represented in her recently violent actions. I often get pillows thrown at me, and her mobile phone is currently in for repair after making contact with a wall.

I want to help her through this, just as I have before. The only issue is (to her credit) she seems to take note of the fact that she doesn't want to burden me by letting me help, just in case it does not work out down the road...

Basically, a choice is going to be made tommorow. Either we work through it as a couple, or she leaves. If she fails to make a decission, then she obviously does not care enough and I will make the decission for her by asking her to leave.

It may sound harsh, but I have been in previous relationships with people who have turned out to have fairly serious problems, and have learned the hard way that you cant be their therapist, and you can't fix everyone.

As for the bird, if she leaves he will come back. I am not sure what will happen if we try and work this out though... The bird is all I have, and obviously I am all the bird has.

So, question now then I suppose, is this. If we decide to work things out, and she stays, then what do I do with the bird then? It is possible for me to be at home longer than I am currently on a day to day basis, as I travel to university so could just go to lectures and do all the reading stuff at home instead. I will have to check but I am fairly sure that other than one day a week, this would mean that the bird is never alone with her.

But i think even her presence could annoy the bird. He flew over to her and tried attacking her in his sleep.

Going to take a massive amount of thinking. Main thing for now is that the bird is safe. Have to focus on what is going to happen tomorow now... and work from their. The bird is a priority of mine, it could be that he stays in a different part of the house or something. If she tries anything like that again though... then she will probably have to go.

Don't quite understand why anyone would want to harm such a tiny creature. But hey, we shall see how it goes. He will not be put in any danger ever again whatever happens.

 

[FineFeatheredFriend]

Well then get a good shrink and a therapist but don't give up your bird, peace.

 

[BoomBoom]

Wow. I know you've already got a lot if good advice and opinions so ill keep mine short.

Anyone who treats animals in that way does not deserve the time, love or attention of another human being. She disgusts me.

 

[Karigan]

Honey, you are in a hard position. Whatever you decide, just bear in mind that if you two work things out, it should be because you both want to commit, not because you feel the need to help her because she's in a tough spot. I'm not saying that's what is happening, but I've known many people who stay with someone because they worry about what will happen to that person once they loose their support system, and the relationship is never happy. If you work things out, make sure she wants to put in as much as you

I don't think I would bring the bird home if you two stay together. If she has an episode, there's no telling what accident may happen. I would either leave him with family or rehome in that case, even though it would be devastating for both of you. I am a strong believer in NOT giving birds away, but if abuse is happening, than the life of the bird is the most important thing. He will bond and recover after a while, but physical damage can be permanent.

I hope you make a decision that will be best for you.

 

[BoomBoom]

Sorry was upset by the post to give any advice...

If you decide to work things out with her, leave the bird with your grandna where she will be safe, protected and loved. You will probably lose her loyalty and affections but that is the price of giving her up.

I wish you luck in whatever you choose but please keep the bird's safety first in mind.

 

[94lt1]

What your involved in is known as an avian love triangle.. your gf would have to suck it up and get to know the bird... all birds CAN be possessive..

You have to keep letting the bird be social with people other than you.. that's what I had to do to my scarlet macaw...

Fwiw...I understand your want and need to make it work with your gf.. but remember this.. you chose your bird, and made it part of your flock.. you're family. Would you abandon a family member over a gf??? You may think I'm being hyper sensitive, but its that serious for the bird.