How do I cope with having to rehome my bird?

SleepyLuca

Member
May 7, 2022
6
34
Southern California
Parrots
Independence(indi)
(Long; mentions of anxiety & depression)

I’ve had my boy from the day his egg was laid, and I love him with all my heart and soul. But my mental health has taken a huge dip and it’s getting to the point where I can no longer function. Sadly this is because of my boy, his increasing aggression being the main factor in my mental health decline.

He’s been attacking everyone in the house besides me and my mom, and that now includes him flying to my sister to scare and/or attack her. He even locks his focus on to attacking the little birds so much that if I interfere- I get injured because he attacks me so he can keep attacking them. And his cage aggression has gotten to the point where he’s starting to injure me there too, along with taking advantage of my anxiety by making noises to make me think I’m hurting him so I’ll stop and let him stay out.

I’m just not physically and mentally equipped for this kind of behavior, and I know he needs to go to someone who is. I’m trying to do what’s best for him but it’s still hard because of how much he helped me in the beginning and how much I love him now. Having to rehome him is an incredibly sad situation for me, but there’s no other option because of where I’m at mentally.

My parents and therapists all noticed his affect on my health and agree that it’s the best thing to do for both of us, not just me. We found this gorgeous outdoor sanctuary with spacey perches, countless safety measures, a limit on how many people can enter the sanctuary at once and volunteers that absolutely adore the birds they work with. They take in rescues and birds that can no longer be cared for, and even seeing some of these birds with almost every feather plucked, thriving now because of this place makes me confident that my baby would be so happy there. I didn’t even get the SLIGHTEST whiff of stress hormones from any of the birds, which is something I’ve never experienced at a bird place, so that just made my heart soar. And! They don’t even let you handle the birdies unless they know for a fact that you can do it confidently, keeping both you and the bird safe and stress free :’)
The place keeps them for at LEAST 6 months before allowing them to be adopted, in order to make sure they’re physically and mentally prepared to take on a new home. All the birds are clean, happy, playful, outgoing and incredibly healthy and everybody there are experienced bird handlers and trainers. It’s absolutely beautiful there and I do feel a lot better abt this decision now that I’ve seen all this.

I truly think the biggest reason I’ve been so upset about this is because of the severity of my anxiety. I really can’t do anything without some sort of fear, especially when it comes to change or if it affects those around me- and this happens to be both so it’s just an incredibly stressful situation for me. When things like this happen I tend to shut down and become incapable of functioning, which has already started and which is not an option since my senior year is starting tomorrow. I’ve already been bedridden for the past two days because of the anxiety and depression this has put me through, so if anyone has a way to make this even just a tiny bit easier, please let me know. I’m open to any and all suggestions.

Thank you all for reading this, I appreciate it :’)🤍🤍
 

Greenhouseparrots

Well-known member
Nov 27, 2022
309
431
UK
Parrots
Crimson bellied conure- Tequila
Greencheek conure- Sierra
Pearled cockatiel- Malibu
Cockatiel- Volkan
Yellow budgies- Pina Colada and Houdini
Blue budgie- Lightning
White and blue budgie- Ciroc
I am so sorry to hear this. If you're sure you want to rehome him then things will get easier with time and you'll always have the memories and feelings. They won't disappear. I suffer from anxiety too and my birds don't always help. Some days I don't do a lot with them because of it, and I've had to set some boundaries too so I don't get overwhelmed.

If you're willing to change some things before you rehome him then I might be able to help. I've had a conure, Tequila, for the past three years and she's been just as hormonal as yours sounds. She's been attacking me constantly, screaming most of the day, even trying to pick fights with my other birds. I couldn't look at her without her getting angry and trying to attack me. She's been like this for three years and I've tried everything. She's always had pellets and fresh foods and seeds, and been given foraging opportunities and toys and 12 hours sleep a day, plus plenty of time out of the cage but none of that was working.

A few weeks ago I decided to cut the seeds from her diet, so now she only gets pellets and chop (which is just vegetables and a bit of fruit) and she's calmed down so much. I give her pellets in her foraging toys and she works for them with as much enthusiasm that she did for seeds. She started playing with toys again instead of trying to pick fights and she's stopped trying to attack me constantly. She's still a bit hormonal but it's not been long and she's already improved so much with this change. It's made our lives so much better and she actually goes into her cage willingly now instead of me having to bribe her. Her feathers are much better too and she still loves her vegetables and eats a lot of them.

Perhaps cutting the seeds and increasing the pellet and vegetable intake would work with yours? If not then please don't feel bad about having to rehome him, I might have to rehome mine if I can't find anywhere to rent with pets. I'll never afford a house in my area unless someone I know dies and leaves me a lot of money, but I hope that won't happen for a long time. So my only option may be to rehome them at some point too.
 
OP
SleepyLuca

SleepyLuca

Member
May 7, 2022
6
34
Southern California
Parrots
Independence(indi)
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #3
I am so sorry to hear this. If you're sure you want to rehome him then things will get easier with time and you'll always have the memories and feelings. They won't disappear. I suffer from anxiety too and my birds don't always help. Some days I don't do a lot with them because of it, and I've had to set some boundaries too so I don't get overwhelmed.

If you're willing to change some things before you rehome him then I might be able to help. I've had a conure, Tequila, for the past three years and she's been just as hormonal as yours sounds. She's been attacking me constantly, screaming most of the day, even trying to pick fights with my other birds. I couldn't look at her without her getting angry and trying to attack me. She's been like this for three years and I've tried everything. She's always had pellets and fresh foods and seeds, and been given foraging opportunities and toys and 12 hours sleep a day, plus plenty of time out of the cage but none of that was working.

A few weeks ago I decided to cut the seeds from her diet, so now she only gets pellets and chop (which is just vegetables and a bit of fruit) and she's calmed down so much. I give her pellets in her foraging toys and she works for them with as much enthusiasm that she did for seeds. She started playing with toys again instead of trying to pick fights and she's stopped trying to attack me constantly. She's still a bit hormonal but it's not been long and she's already improved so much with this change. It's made our lives so much better and she actually goes into her cage willingly now instead of me having to bribe her. Her feathers are much better too and she still loves her vegetables and eats a lot of them.

Perhaps cutting the seeds and increasing the pellet and vegetable intake would work with yours? If not then please don't feel bad about having to rehome him, I might have to rehome mine if I can't find anywhere to rent with pets. I'll never afford a house in my area unless someone I know dies and leaves me a lot of money, but I hope that won't happen for a long time. So my only option may be to rehome them at some point too.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for offering some support, it genuinely means a lot to me :’)
Sadly, seeds aren’t the problem for us- he’s been on a pellet and chop diet for about a year now and even before the chop it was only pellets. I just think that he doesn’t know how to deal with so many other things in the house, which stresses him and causes him to lash out. (We have 8 pets; three birds, a dog, two cats and two lizards, and it’s actually about to go up to nine pets haha /lh)

I thank you so much for the suggestion, that’s something I never thought of before and it’s definitely something I’m gonna remember if I ever decide I’m ready to get another bird.

And I thank yo7 especially for the comfort and reassurance. Luckily now that I’ve given myself time to rest, and since I’ve talked with my mom, I feel a lot more confident in the decision. And because you came in to help I feel a lot less guilty for having to do this as well.
Again I wanna thank you for the advice and for the support. It helped a lot and I genuinely appreciate it :’)🤍
 

Jcas

Well-known member
Jan 9, 2023
302
523
Parrots
Quaker, 2 budgies
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this, but it really does sound like you’re making the right decision. First of all, you need to take care of yourself, second, you need to protect the other birds from getting attacked, and third, you need to consider what’s best for your boy. It sounds like rehoming may be the best solution to all of these problems. If your bird is so upset so often, he’s probably living with a lot of stress too. Maybe all of the other pets are just too much for him. Though you will probably feel sad at first, I think there will also be relief at the household being more peaceful without him. It sounds like you have found a really great sanctuary to send him and that is wonderful!
 

Greenhouseparrots

Well-known member
Nov 27, 2022
309
431
UK
Parrots
Crimson bellied conure- Tequila
Greencheek conure- Sierra
Pearled cockatiel- Malibu
Cockatiel- Volkan
Yellow budgies- Pina Colada and Houdini
Blue budgie- Lightning
White and blue budgie- Ciroc
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for offering some support, it genuinely means a lot to me :’)
Sadly, seeds aren’t the problem for us- he’s been on a pellet and chop diet for about a year now and even before the chop it was only pellets. I just think that he doesn’t know how to deal with so many other things in the house, which stresses him and causes him to lash out. (We have 8 pets; three birds, a dog, two cats and two lizards, and it’s actually about to go up to nine pets haha /lh)

I thank you so much for the suggestion, that’s something I never thought of before and it’s definitely something I’m gonna remember if I ever decide I’m ready to get another bird.

And I thank yo7 especially for the comfort and reassurance. Luckily now that I’ve given myself time to rest, and since I’ve talked with my mom, I feel a lot more confident in the decision. And because you came in to help I feel a lot less guilty for having to do this as well.
Again I wanna thank you for the advice and for the support. It helped a lot and I genuinely appreciate it :’)🤍
It sounds like you're making the best decision all around then! Sometimes things just don't work out, no matter how much effort we put into them unfortunately
 

Dancake

Member
Mar 8, 2020
37
98
United States
Parrots
Bubby (U2)
I know how much it hurts, I'm in a very similar boat right now. I've already rehomed my baby boy Titan, just haven't taken him out of my bio yet because it hurts too much, and currently waiting for Sahara to be adopted either this or next weekend. We just need to prioritize that they would be going to a place better suited for them, where they will be happier in the end. Sending all my love and support your way, I completely understand your struggle. It hurts that I've rehomed Titan but I also already feel a sense of relief at the same time.
 

MFajardo86

Member
Sep 3, 2023
19
34
Parrots
Cockatiels
(Long; mentions of anxiety & depression)

I’ve had my boy from the day his egg was laid, and I love him with all my heart and soul. But my mental health has taken a huge dip and it’s getting to the point where I can no longer function. Sadly this is because of my boy, his increasing aggression being the main factor in my mental health decline.

He’s been attacking everyone in the house besides me and my mom, and that now includes him flying to my sister to scare and/or attack her. He even locks his focus on to attacking the little birds so much that if I interfere- I get injured because he attacks me so he can keep attacking them. And his cage aggression has gotten to the point where he’s starting to injure me there too, along with taking advantage of my anxiety by making noises to make me think I’m hurting him so I’ll stop and let him stay out.

I’m just not physically and mentally equipped for this kind of behavior, and I know he needs to go to someone who is. I’m trying to do what’s best for him but it’s still hard because of how much he helped me in the beginning and how much I love him now. Having to rehome him is an incredibly sad situation for me, but there’s no other option because of where I’m at mentally.

My parents and therapists all noticed his affect on my health and agree that it’s the best thing to do for both of us, not just me. We found this gorgeous outdoor sanctuary with spacey perches, countless safety measures, a limit on how many people can enter the sanctuary at once and volunteers that absolutely adore the birds they work with. They take in rescues and birds that can no longer be cared for, and even seeing some of these birds with almost every feather plucked, thriving now because of this place makes me confident that my baby would be so happy there. I didn’t even get the SLIGHTEST whiff of stress hormones from any of the birds, which is something I’ve never experienced at a bird place, so that just made my heart soar. And! They don’t even let you handle the birdies unless they know for a fact that you can do it confidently, keeping both you and the bird safe and stress free :’)
The place keeps them for at LEAST 6 months before allowing them to be adopted, in order to make sure they’re physically and mentally prepared to take on a new home. All the birds are clean, happy, playful, outgoing and incredibly healthy and everybody there are experienced bird handlers and trainers. It’s absolutely beautiful there and I do feel a lot better abt this decision now that I’ve seen all this.

I truly think the biggest reason I’ve been so upset about this is because of the severity of my anxiety. I really can’t do anything without some sort of fear, especially when it comes to change or if it affects those around me- and this happens to be both so it’s just an incredibly stressful situation for me. When things like this happen I tend to shut down and become incapable of functioning, which has already started and which is not an option since my senior year is starting tomorrow. I’ve already been bedridden for the past two days because of the anxiety and depression this has put me through, so if anyone has a way to make this even just a tiny bit easier, please let me know. I’m open to any and all suggestions.

Thank you all for reading this, I appreciate it :’)🤍🤍
Look for Louise Hay on YouTube ::: her teachings have helped me immensely
 

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