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[Scott]

Gases (After a very eventful day during which the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā performed a celebratory haka around Snappy as he seated himself atop the colossal throne stolen from Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh, the inevitable consequences of fathomless feasting have come to their final fermented fruition with the release of noxious gases from the asses of the masses, enveloping the whole Coromandel in a malodorous miasma!)

Arses (Release of noxious gases obscured skies over the whole Coromandel for 40 days and 40 nights, leading to crop failures, mass hysteria, and insufficient Spam, offal, and organ meats for fathomless feasting. Snappy ordered a round of microchipped suppositories shoved up arses of entire whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā as mitigation against future malodorous miasmas.)

 

[LaManuka]

Arses (Release of noxious gases obscured skies over the whole Coromandel for 40 days and 40 nights, leading to crop failures, mass hysteria, and insufficient Spam, offal, and organ meats for fathomless feasting. Snappy ordered a round of microchipped suppositories shoved up arses of entire whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā as mitigation against future malodorous miasmas.)

Rages (As the malodorous miasma rages in the skies above the Coromandel for 40 noxious days and nights, Snappy and the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā seek refuge in the heavily fortified basement underneath the wharenui at Whakatāne, which has been purpose built to withstand earthquake, tsunami, sloth invasion, zombie apocalypse, and even the bunker-busting bulldust bombs launched by Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh from the other side of the Galaxy!)

 

[Scott]

Rages (As the malodorous miasma rages in the skies above the Coromandel for 40 noxious days and nights, Snappy and the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā seek refuge in the heavily fortified basement underneath the wharenui at Whakatāne, which has been purpose built to withstand earthquake, tsunami, sloth invasion, zombie apocalypse, and even the bunker-busting bulldust bombs launched by Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh from the other side of the Galaxy!)

Anger (Ferocious anger from the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā against Snappy's malodorous miasma rages underneath the heavily fortified basement of wharenui at Whakatāne. Folks across the Coromandel rally and deliver petition of ultimatum: Either Snappy turn himself over to Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh or submit to permanent cloacaectomy - removal of grotesque cloaca in favor of odor trapping device. Eough is enough!)

 

[LaManuka]

Anger (Ferocious anger from the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā against Snappy's malodorous miasma rages underneath the heavily fortified basement of wharenui at Whakatāne. Folks across the Coromandel rally and deliver petition of ultimatum: Either Snappy turn himself over to Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh or submit to permanent cloacaectomy - removal of grotesque cloaca in favor of odor trapping device. Eough is enough!)

Yearn (Ferocious anger from the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā makes Snappy yearn for happier, simpler times. He takes leave of them and departs the beautiful Coromandel, bidding his whānau a tearful "kia ora tonu" as his luxury motor yacht cruises into the sunset. Arm in arm with Snippy, he voyages into the distance seeking rich new sources of Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae and moth larvae to exploit. Fortunately for Snappy, there seems to be an inexhaustible supply out there!)

 

[Scott]

Yearn (Ferocious anger from the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā makes Snappy yearn for happier, simpler times. He takes leave of them and departs the beautiful Coromandel, bidding his whānau a tearful "kia ora tonu" as his luxury motor yacht cruises into the sunset. Arm in arm with Snippy, he voyages into the distance seeking rich new sources of Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae and moth larvae to exploit. Fortunately for Snappy, there seems to be an inexhaustible supply out there!)

Kenya (Snappy's luxury motor yacht departs the beautiful Coromandel to a chorus of grateful whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā chanting "piro koe." Five days later Snappy arrives in Kenya and alights arm in arm with Snippy to welcoming cackle of hyenas. A pact was negotiated to trade prized aromatic croc cloacal gasses with unlimited Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae, and moth larvae harvested from the Masai Mara National Reserve.)

 

[LaManuka]

Kenya (Snappy's luxury motor yacht departs the beautiful Coromandel to a chorus of grateful whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā chanting "piro koe." Five days later Snappy arrives in Kenya and alights arm in arm with Snippy to welcoming cackle of hyenas. A pact was negotiated to trade prized aromatic croc cloacal gasses with unlimited Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae, and moth larvae harvested from the Masai Mara National Reserve.)

Waken (Five days absence from Snappy and Snippy and the malodorous stench that accompanies them is sufficient to waken sentimentality for smellier times among the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. Filled with nostalgia for those happier, Snappier days, they too cruise to Kenya to rejoin their resplendently rancid Regent in his new kingdom in the Masai Mara and together they undertake to civilise local hyenas by plying them with unlimited Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae, and moth larvae.)

 

[Scott]

Waken (Five days absence from Snappy and Snippy and the malodorous stench that accompanies them is sufficient to waken sentimentality for smellier times among the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. Filled with nostalgia for those happier, Snappier days, they too cruise to Kenya to rejoin their resplendently rancid Regent in his new kingdom in the Masai Mara and together they undertake to civilise local hyenas by plying them with unlimited Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae, and moth larvae.)

Awoke (On the sixth day, whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā awoke to wafting of Snappy's pungent cloacal discharge. The rancid regent thoughtfully filled a tank with year's worth of compressed stench, sufficient for daily release. Snippy welcomed nostalgic pilgrims to Masai Mara and stealthily chose select victims for daily hyena wrangling.)

 

[LaManuka]

Awoke (On the sixth day, whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā awoke to wafting of Snappy's pungent cloacal discharge. The rancid regent thoughtfully filled a tank with year's worth of compressed stench, sufficient for daily release. Snippy welcomed nostalgic pilgrims to Masai Mara and stealthily chose select victims for daily hyena wrangling.)

Wekas (In order to stave off homesickness, the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā have imported a flock of wekas to remind them of their former homeland. However, said wekas wreak havoc among the local reptile populations of the Masai Mara! Snappy is happy to capitalise on this situation and adds lizard gizzards to his patented briquette recipe of Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae and moth larvae )

 

[Scott]

Wekas (In order to stave off homesickness, the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā have imported a flock of wekas to remind them of their former homeland. However, said wekas wreak havoc among the local reptile populations of the Masai Mara! Snappy is happy to capitalise on this situation and adds lizard gizzards to his patented briquette recipe of Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae and moth larvae )

Cakes (Snippy yearned to console the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā by baking scrumptious cakes with added lizard gizzards to patented Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae, and moth larvae briquettes. Old family recipe produced frosting by wekas performing traditional kanikani rangi overhead, carefully targeting their cloacal discharges with pinpoint precision.)

 

[LaManuka]

Cakes (Snippy yearned to console the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā by baking scrumptious cakes with added lizard gizzards to patented Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae, and moth larvae briquettes. Old family recipe produced frosting by wekas performing traditional kanikani rangi overhead, carefully targeting their cloacal discharges with pinpoint precision.)

Bakes (Snippy takes up position in her outdoor kitchen by Kenya's scenic lakes and bakes her cakes with patented lizard gizzard, Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae, and moth larvae ingredients, to a recipe much beloved by the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. Wekas performing traditional kanikani rangi in formation overhead divebomb the cakes whilst they are cooling and cover them with delicious guano frosting with amazing precision!)

 

[Scott]

Bakes (Snippy takes up position in her outdoor kitchen by Kenya's scenic lakes and bakes her cakes with patented lizard gizzard, Spam, offal, organ meats, sloth algae, and moth larvae ingredients, to a recipe much beloved by the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. Wekas performing traditional kanikani rangi in formation overhead divebomb the cakes whilst they are cooling and cover them with delicious guano frosting with amazing precision!)

Baker (Snippy organized contest among the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā for best cake baker. Winning recipe was crowned with three layers of sumptuous weka guano layered after a trio of feeding cycles. First kanikani rangi pass was fed Spam only. Second a mix of offal and organ meats, final comprised of sloth algae and moth larvae.)

 

[LaManuka]

Baker (Snippy organized contest among the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā for best cake baker. Winning recipe was crowned with three layers of sumptuous weka guano layered after a trio of feeding cycles. First kanikani rangi pass was fed Spam only. Second a mix of offal and organ meats, final comprised of sloth algae and moth larvae.)

Maker (Snappy's favourite cuzzy bro and famed poop residue portrait painter, Hohepa, was controversially late entrant and crowned officially Best Cake Maker among the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. Other cuzzy's and bro's entries were undoubtedly amazing, but Hohepa's triple layer weka guano frosting masterpiece was topped off with freshly harvested Kenyan lizard gizzards which truly set it apart!)

 

[Scott]

Maker (Snappy's favourite cuzzy bro and famed poop residue portrait painter, Hohepa, was controversially late entrant and crowned officially Best Cake Maker among the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. Other cuzzy's and bro's entries were undoubtedly amazing, but Hohepa's triple layer weka guano frosting masterpiece was topped off with freshly harvested Kenyan lizard gizzards which truly set it apart!

Freak (Freak upset by fashionably late hyena had last laugh over Hohepa. Pilgrims from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā were dazzled by shujaa's quadruple layer frosting topped with finely ground essence of sacrificial whānau. Cannibalism never tasted so good combined with freshly harvested Kenyan lizard gizzards)

Shujaa, connoisseur of whānau.

 

[LaManuka]

Freak (Freak upset by fashionably late hyena had last laugh over Hohepa. Pilgrims from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā were dazzled by shujaa's quadruple layer frosting topped with finely ground essence of sacrificial whānau. Cannibalism never tasted so good combined with freshly harvested Kenyan lizard gizzards)

Shujaa, connoisseur of whānau.

Wreak (Cannibalism threatens to wreak havoc with Snappy's delicately balanced gut flora after ingestion of sacrificial whānau frosting. Faithful followers from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā recommend fecal transplant in order to restore his intestinal micro-biome and enthusiastically queue up to provide donations!)

 

[Scott]

Wreak (Cannibalism threatens to wreak havoc with Snappy's delicately balanced gut flora after ingestion of sacrificial whānau frosting. Faithful followers from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā recommend fecal transplant in order to restore his intestinal micro-biome and enthusiastically queue up to provide donations!)

Wager (Shujaa and Hohepa teamed up to wager who scores the plumpest, richest, smoothest fecal specimen to enhance Snappy's micro-biome. Cannibals from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā queued up to squeeze out donations. Snippy toiled to refine and produce 6 vials for immediate transplant.

 

[LaManuka]

Wager (Shujaa and Hohepa teamed up to wager who scores the plumpest, richest, smoothest fecal specimen to enhance Snappy's micro-biome. Cannibals from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā queued up to squeeze out donations. Snippy toiled to refine and produce 6 vials for immediate transplant.

Wafer (Sadly, after years of abuse, Snappy's cloaca is too misshapen and flaccid to hold fecal transplant via syringe and the whole evil concoction slops out onto the floor. Shujaa and Hohepa and faithful whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā hatch an ingenious plan to dispense to Snappy orally and whip up a delightful "chocolate" shake, made more visually appealing by the addition of a jaunty looking wafer on top )

 

[Scott]

Wafer (Sadly, after years of abuse, Snappy's cloaca is too misshapen and flaccid to hold fecal transplant via syringe and the whole evil concoction slops out onto the floor. Shujaa and Hohepa and faithful whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā hatch an ingenious plan to dispense to Snappy orally and whip up a delightful "chocolate" shake, made more visually appealing by the addition of a jaunty looking wafer on top )

Hahahahaha, nearly fell off my chair, dying laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Scott]

Wafer (Sadly, after years of abuse, Snappy's cloaca is too misshapen and flaccid to hold fecal transplant via syringe and the whole evil concoction slops out onto the floor. Shujaa and Hohepa and faithful whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā hatch an ingenious plan to dispense to Snappy orally and whip up a delightful "chocolate" shake, made more visually appealing by the addition of a jaunty looking wafer on top )

Afire (Snappy devoured jaunty wafer and slurped the delicious, diabolical, dastardly "chocolate" shake. Within minutes his misshapen flaccid cloaca bursts afire with allergic reaction. Snippy screamed for help, faithful whānau from Whitianga Whangapoua and Whangamatā line up as bucket brigade to deliver extinguishing water from Lake Titicaca. Shujaa and Hohepa summarily fed to hyenas.)

 

[LaManuka]

Afire (Snappy devoured jaunty wafer and slurped the delicious, diabolical, dastardly "chocolate" shake. Within minutes his misshapen flaccid cloaca bursts afire with allergic reaction. Snippy screamed for help, faithful whānau from Whitianga Whangapoua and Whangamatā line up as bucket brigade to deliver extinguishing water from Lake Titicaca. Shujaa and Hohepa summarily fed to hyenas.)

Feral (Following feeding of Shujaa and Hohepa to a pack of hyenas, and the eating thereof, additional whānau from Whitianga Whangapoua and Whangamatā who had made their way across from Lake Titicaca had to find a project with which to occupy themselves on the long trip home. They rounded up all snarky, feral sister-in-laws who crossed their paths on the journey from the Masai Mara back to the Andes, smothered them in lizard gizzards, moth larvae, sloth algae, Spam, offal and organ meats, tied them to large boulders and threw them into the depths of the Lake upon arrival, thus ridding the world of copious amounts of snark as well as cooling Snappy's much maligned cloaca, and the unfortunate allergic reaction thereof!)

 

[Scott]

Feral (Following feeding of Shujaa and Hohepa to a pack of hyenas, and the eating thereof, additional whānau from Whitianga Whangapoua and Whangamatā who had made their way across from Lake Titicaca had to find a project with which to occupy themselves on the long trip home. They rounded up all snarky, feral sister-in-laws who crossed their paths on the journey from the Masai Mara back to the Andes, smothered them in lizard gizzards, moth larvae, sloth algae, Spam, offal and organ meats, tied them to large boulders and threw them into the depths of the Lake upon arrival, thus ridding the world of copious amounts of snark as well as cooling Snappy's much maligned cloaca, and the unfortunate allergic reaction thereof!)

Fetal (Snarky feral sisters were saved with buoyancy induced by high fat content of smeared lizard gizzards, moth larvae, sloth algae, Spam, offal and organ meats. Crouched in fetal position as boulders slammed into Lake Titicaca, rescued by crocs grateful for Snappy's delicacies. Revenge was sought against whānau from Whitianga Whangapoua and Whangamatā in the form of marauding Army Ants from Masai Mara.)