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[Scott]

Skuas (Skuas, those most formidable of sea birds, are irresistibly drawn by the new food source provided by the release of Spam, offal and organ meat briquettes emanating from Snappy's misshapen cloaca as they fire from the bow of his luxury motor yacht like clay pigeons released from a skeet shooting machine!)

Husks (Formidable Skuas line up in echelon formation as Snappy rapid fires his briquettes from misshapen cloaca. Interception of faux clay pigeons is great sport as they capture, then gingerly separate the brittle husks to reveal undigested Spam, offal, and organ meat delicacies.)

 

[LaManuka]

Husks (Formidable Skuas line up in echelon formation as Snappy rapid fires his briquettes from misshapen cloaca. Interception of faux clay pigeons is great sport as they capture, then gingerly separate the brittle husks to reveal undigested Spam, offal, and organ meat delicacies.)

Busks (Snappy and his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā busks up and down the coast of the Coromandel, selling his Spam, offal and organ meat briquettes to his legions of fans. Local authorities overwhelmed with countless complaints about the noise and the smell call in the infamous Kiwi Assassins to kick Snappy's sorry misshapen and malodorous cloaca out of their nice clean Peninsula!)

 

[Scott]

Busks (Snappy and his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā busks up and down the coast of the Coromandel, selling his Spam, offal and organ meat briquettes to his legions of fans. Local authorities overwhelmed with countless complaints about the noise and the smell call in the infamous Kiwi Assassins to kick Snappy's sorry misshapen and malodorous cloaca out of their nice clean Peninsula!)

Tusks (Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā will learn to enjoy Spam, offal and organ meat briquettes as well as malodorous cloaca discharges. Snippy conjured a herd of genetically engineered Woolly Mammoths from Siberia to hunt and pulverize infamous Kiwi Assassins with their tusks. Snappy devoured their remains and offers limited edition briquettes encased in platinum.)

 

[LaManuka]

Tusks (Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā will learn to enjoy Spam, offal and organ meat briquettes as well as malodorous cloaca discharges. Snippy conjured a herd of genetically engineered Woolly Mammoths from Siberia to hunt and pulverize infamous Kiwi Assassins with their tusks. Snappy devoured their remains and offers limited edition briquettes encased in platinum.)

Stuns (Not to be so easily thwarted, the Kiwi Assassins {and their mum!} deploy a taser which temporarily stuns Snappy and his malodorous cloaca into momentary submission. Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā look up from their sumptuous feast of Spam, offal and organ meat briquettes to see what all the fuss is about, only to be greeted by the formidable sight of the Kiwi Assassins' Mum, who is one lady that you definitely do not want to cross!)

 

[Scott]

Stuns (Not to be so easily thwarted, the Kiwi Assassins {and their mum!} deploy a taser which temporarily stuns Snappy and his malodorous cloaca into momentary submission. Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā look up from their sumptuous feast of Spam, offal and organ meat briquettes to see what all the fuss is about, only to be greeted by the formidable sight of the Kiwi Assassins' Mum, who is one lady that you definitely do not want to cross!)

Shuts (Snappy shuts his cloaca moments before taser probe penetrates, limiting the stun to 30 seconds. Instinctive offensive fire of briquettes renders Kiwi Assasin's Mum to sick bay for the duration. Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā ponder their fate as rations become limited to gristle, skin, and unpalatable by-products.)

 

[LaManuka]

Shuts (Snappy shuts his cloaca moments before taser probe penetrates, limiting the stun to 30 seconds. Instinctive offensive fire of briquettes renders Kiwi Assasin's Mum to sick bay for the duration. Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā ponder their fate as rations become limited to gristle, skin, and unpalatable by-products.)

Shout (With a shout to his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā and a vigorous tootle on his rectally inserted nose flute, Snappy acknowledges the tenacity of the Kiwi Assassins and their Mum, and joyfully declares that they will join in his crusade against that arch-nemesis of galactic peace, the foul and evil Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh, should he ever manage to unravel himself from his MFL, BBQ, BBS, ATG and SEP encased sarcophagus!)

 

[Scott]

Shout (With a shout to his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā and a vigorous tootle on his rectally inserted nose flute, Snappy acknowledges the tenacity of the Kiwi Assassins and their Mum, and joyfully declares that they will join in his crusade against that arch-nemesis of galactic peace, the foul and evil Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh, should he ever manage to unravel himself from his MFL, BBQ, BBS, ATG and SEP encased sarcophagus!)

Hours (Three hours later, newfound alliance of Snappy, whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua, Whangamatā, and Kiwi Assassins with their Mum launched a phalanx of Tesla BFR rockets against arch-nemesis Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh to ensure he remains forever neutered and rendered galactic historical footnote.)

 

[LaManuka]

Hours (Three hours later, newfound alliance of Snappy, whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua, Whangamatā, and Kiwi Assassins with their Mum launched a phalanx of Tesla BFR rockets against arch-nemesis Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh to ensure he remains forever neutered and rendered galactic historical footnote.)

Rouse (Following a hui at the tribal wharenui in Whakatāne, during which the new alliance between Snappy, his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua, Whangamatā, the Kiwi Assassins And Their Mum was ratified, a haka was performed with such savagery and intensity as to rouse the zombie spirit of One Ancient Psittacine Fancier, who rapidly changed his mind about daring to enter Snappy's sacred wharenui!)

 

[Scott]

Rouse (Following a hui at the tribal wharenui in Whakatāne, during which the new alliance between Snappy, his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua, Whangamatā, the Kiwi Assassins And Their Mum was ratified, a haka was performed with such savagery and intensity as to rouse the zombie spirit of One Ancient Psittacine Fancier, who rapidly changed his mind about daring to enter Snappy's sacred wharenui!)

Lures (Snappy lures emissaries of One Ancient Psittacine Fancier to the tribal wharenui for purported whakataunga discussion. Zoom meeting of savage haka performed upon the envoys as they are ground into dust shocks OAPF into permanent capitulation and whakarau.)

 

[LaManuka]

Lures (Snappy lures emissaries of One Ancient Psittacine Fancier to the tribal wharenui for purported whakataunga discussion. Zoom meeting of savage haka performed upon the envoys as they are ground into dust shocks OAPF into permanent capitulation and whakarau.)

Cures (Following whakataunga discussions in the Whakatāne wharenui by Snappy and his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā and the happy decision to exile OAPF unto Rarohenga forever, Snippy cures a ceremonially slaughtered ox with her patented recipe of saltpeter, brimstone, moth and sloth algae and bakes it in an underground hangi for 17 hours before serving to the extended whānau who have congregated from far and wide across the whenua!)

 

[Scott]

Cures (Following whakataunga discussions in the Whakatāne wharenui by Snappy and his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā and the happy decision to exile OAPF unto Rarohenga forever, Snippy cures a ceremonially slaughtered ox with her patented recipe of saltpeter, brimstone, moth and sloth algae and bakes it in an underground hangi for 17 hours before serving to the extended whānau who have congregated from far and wide across the whenua!)

Crust (Nary a crust remained from ceremoniously slaughtered ox after sating 200 of Snappy's finest whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. Snippy prepared a delicious kai reka from finely ground ox bones baked in underground oumu, dusted with croc cloaca dust.)

 

[LaManuka]

Crust (Nary a crust remained from ceremoniously slaughtered ox after sating 200 of Snappy's finest whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. Snippy prepared a delicious kai reka from finely ground ox bones baked in underground oumu, dusted with croc cloaca dust.)

Turns (As the finest whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā stagger in semi-consciousness and near-fatal fartiness from fathomless feasting, Snappy turns on entertainment for the masses by tootling vigorously on his nose flute, rectally inserted of course!)

 

[Scott]

Turns (As the finest whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā stagger in semi-consciousness and near-fatal fartiness from fathomless feasting, Snappy turns on entertainment for the masses by tootling vigorously on his nose flute, rectally inserted of course!)

Burns (Snappy is unrivaled gregarious host, lives to regale his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā with epic malodorous cloaca discharge. Fathomless feasting briquettes burns as they pass through cloaca to rectally inserted nose flute, streaming noxious pollutants citywide.

 

[LaManuka]

Burns (Snappy is unrivaled gregarious host, lives to regale his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā with epic malodorous cloaca discharge. Fathomless feasting briquettes burns as they pass through cloaca to rectally inserted nose flute, streaming noxious pollutants citywide.)

Scrub (Following fathomless feasting and vigorous rectally inserted nose flute tootling, Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā are most disappointed to find that he has only kept them hanging around in order to dragoon them into duty to scrub the skid marks out of his diabolically dirty diapers!)

 

[Scott]

Scrub (Following fathomless feasting and vigorous rectally inserted nose flute tootling, Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā are most disappointed to find that he has only kept them hanging around in order to dragoon them into duty to scrub the skid marks out of his diabolically dirty diapers!)

Cures (Snappy cures grotesque diaper skid marks by introducing his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā to cloaca finger painting. A dozen or more line up, clean cloaca residue from Spam, offal, and organ meats briquettes, proceed to town square with canvas + easels. Current week contest is drawing likeness of Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh.)

 

[LaManuka]

Cures (Snappy cures grotesque diaper skid marks by introducing his whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā to cloaca finger painting. A dozen or more line up, clean cloaca residue from Spam, offal, and organ meats briquettes, proceed to town square with canvas + easels. Current week contest is drawing likeness of Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh.)

Score (Snippy sits back with her clipboard in order to score the efforts of Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā as they draw likenesses of Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh using cloacal residue from Spam, offal, and organ meats as paint. Winning entry painted by Snappy's favourite cuzzy bro, Hohepa, and the resemblance to the Emperor is uncanny!)

 

[Scott]

Score (Snippy sits back with her clipboard in order to score the efforts of Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā as they draw likenesses of Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh using cloacal residue from Spam, offal, and organ meats as paint. Winning entry painted by Snappy's favourite cuzzy bro, Hohepa, and the resemblance to the Emperor is uncanny!)

Scare (Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā suffer a scare and trauma viewing likeness of Hohepa as Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh. Injuries included retina damage, projectile hurling, explosive diarrhea, fainting spells. Snippy uses her clipboard to tabulate symptoms for use by emergency room staff.)

 

[LaManuka]

Scare (Snappy's whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā suffer a scare and trauma viewing likeness of Hohepa as Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh. Injuries included retina damage, projectile hurling, explosive diarrhea, fainting spells. Snippy uses her clipboard to tabulate symptoms for use by emergency room staff.)

Sears (The frightening image of Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh as imagined by Snappy's fave cuzzy bro Hohepa sears itself indelibly into the retina of the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. They pledge their undying allegiance to Snappy and vow to uproot trolls of his ilk from every tiny corner of the Universe in which they may try to seek refuge!)

 

[Scott]

Sears (The frightening image of Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh as imagined by Snappy's fave cuzzy bro Hohepa sears itself indelibly into the retina of the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā. They pledge their undying allegiance to Snappy and vow to uproot trolls of his ilk from every tiny corner of the Universe in which they may try to seek refuge!)

Asses (Smug Snappy surveys his assembled whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā atop a colossal throne stolen from Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh and declares "the masses are asses." The few who broke their vows to uproot trolls from every corner of the universe are emblazoned with tattoo of Hohepa on their foreheads.)

 

[LaManuka]

Asses (Smug Snappy surveys his assembled whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā atop a colossal throne stolen from Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh and declares "the masses are asses." The few who broke their vows to uproot trolls from every corner of the universe are emblazoned with tattoo of Hohepa on their foreheads.)

Gases (After a very eventful day during which the whānau from Whitianga, Whangapoua and Whangamatā performed a celebratory haka around Snappy as he seated himself atop the colossal throne stolen from Emperor Iridiot Floridian The Seventh, the inevitable consequences of fathomless feasting have come to their final fermented fruition with the release of noxious gases from the asses of the masses, enveloping the whole Coromandel in a malodorous miasma!)