How do people decide to give up their parrots?

[bbbirds2]

Genuine question.... im just looking to reach more people. i appreciate it.

I'm on the wrong account, but I'm just in a weird space so I apologize in advance.

For some background I have (3) birds, two budgies - one about 6-7 years old, the other about 4 or 5. I have a zebra finch, who's 2. (I also own a frog but he's not as relevant, he's just a little guy.)

My younger budgie, Benj, developed AGY this past summer - for lack of revealing too much, I am still a highschool student, so I guess in that sense it came at a "good time". It was hard for him and me too. I'm lucky, as Benj is blind, he's not cohabitated with my other budgie in a long time - they don't get along well except through cage bars, so they've always just chatted to eachother. He had to stay overnight in a vet hospital about an hour and a half from my house to the tune of $1000+. Then my other bird developed symptoms of AGY, but tested negative.

The past several months have just been one potential illness after another, so it was a lot seeing symptoms in Benji again about a week ago. It was just, like devastating. I have a vet appointment for them both in just a week or so, and they're both stable. I am praying for no more overnights or emergency appointments.

It sounds awful, but sitting here today deep-cleaning for them, I feel really defeated. I used to want to work with animals, make my love for them my life - and I do not want that anymore. I'm becoming afraid I don't really even want to do this for the next several years. Sure, they're pet store birds, but I take pretty good care of them and they could be in my life for another 4-8 years, or more. I just don't know if I can take it.

I've had mental health issues, and in the past, they've been the thing to get me out of them, but I think it's become counter intuitive. I don't want to pretend that's the reason for this though. I want a life, outside of my birds, and I know that's not fair to them. I feel terrible I wasn't smarter when I was younger and took them in, smarter at all - I just feel awful. I don't want to give them up, but I don't know if I can envision 8 more years of my life like this. I just want to go to college, to live my life, a clean floor I don't have to vaccum almost daily. My birds and I share a room. I bought a new AC just because of them. An air purifier. Two pieces of furniture. A floor mat. An entire vaccum, before...almost every day. Every single toy, bin... I set aside 40% of the money I make for them. I love them so, much, and I feel terrible because it's getting much harder for me to feel OK about all this.

In time since I first wrote this post (just days really), I think some of it is that I don't feel like they are really thriving anymore - and that is probably due to the all the lifestyle changes that they've endured due to illness, but im concerned I can't bounce back from that the same way they can - though I don't know. I feel awful, still, but am trying to slow down and think about this in depth because it's probably not just nothing or worth ignoring.

(In the realm of mental health, I admit I've had more trouble lately too - but I get professional help and historically my birds have always helped, not hurt my mental health. This is a weird reversal for me, but not the driving force behind my conflict.)

I'm just genuinley curious how people make a decision like that, not because they had to for living circumstances, or money... just because they realized they weren't cut out for it.

I don't know if I can put my parrots through that. I really do love them a lot, with my entire heart. I just, want the best for both of us. We have a very good rescue not far away, that I would trust, but... can I really do that to them? I'm in tears just trying to admit I don't know.

Just looking for some advice, some support. Maybe from people who have been in similar dilemmas, I'd love to know what you did.

(I am not looking to make a rash decision, I'm kind of surprised at myself. But it's a real feeling and I'd like to investigate it, and hear some genuine thoughts. )

TIA. Apologies to those this might upset, I'm just looking to be honest. I am going to read other forum posts on here about the subject matter.

 

[Alaeriel53]

Hi!

First of all, I really commend you for being honest enough to bring your concerns here and also to address them to yourself. You see so many folks online who gloss over the struggles and only share their wins.

I've not had to have to rehome any of my pets, personally, but I am on the trip where I'll come home with my late grandmother's amazon. In his case, after my grandmother passed, he lived with my uncle and grandfather for 17 years. Due to family circumstances shifting, my uncle is moving out and my grandfather isn't capable of caring for the bird so he needs a new home. Compounding this issue, the bird is now handicapped so he needs a LOT of specialized care. It's a huge commitment for any bird, and as you said your life really does revolve around them.

In your case, no one here can make any judgment or decisions on your behalf. It sounds like you're treating those birds like royalty. Perhaps I'm reading too far into things, but I am always extremely concerned to see mental health struggles coupled with the idea of rehoming pets, as that can go some very dark places. I've not been on this forum very long, but I have seen how close this community is and I'd like for you to know we are here for you and your flock!

The only advice I can give is that moderation can bring some peace. Your birds aren't a shackle, they're a grounding rod. As you grow in the new paths ahead of you, things will fall into place (even if it doesn't seem so right now).

 

[bbbirds2]

Hi!

First of all, I really commend you for being honest enough to bring your concerns here and also to address them to yourself. You see so many folks online who gloss over the struggles and only share their wins.

I've not had to have to rehome any of my pets, personally, but I am on the trip where I'll come home with my late grandmother's amazon. In his case, after my grandmother passed, he lived with my uncle and grandfather for 17 years. Due to family circumstances shifting, my uncle is moving out and my grandfather isn't capable of caring for the bird so he needs a new home. Compounding this issue, the bird is now handicapped so he needs a LOT of specialized care. It's a huge commitment for any bird, and as you said your life really does revolve around them.

In your case, no one here can make any judgment or decisions on your behalf. It sounds like you're treating those birds like royalty. Perhaps I'm reading too far into things, but I am always extremely concerned to see mental health struggles coupled with the idea of rehoming pets, as that can go some very dark places. I've not been on this forum very long, but I have seen how close this community is and I'd like for you to know we are here for you and your flock!

The only advice I can give is that moderation can bring some peace. Your birds aren't a shackle, they're a grounding rod. As you grow in the new paths ahead of you, things will fall into place (even if it doesn't seem so right now).

I appreciate it, a lot.
I've always come places like this for advice on how to treat them right, and I guess I don't see why I should stop.

It's very heartwarming to me to hear of people who inherit family pets and love them so dearly, I think it's a very kind thing to do. I hope your grandmother's amazon is wonderful/everything goes okay, and I wish you a lot of luck and love with him.

I also really do thank you for the concern - it's weird for me to consider right now they might be negatively impacting my mental health, because not to repeat myself or be dramatic, but they have genuinley been my reason for waking up before - but I am afraid it is swinging the other way now. I do intend to talk to my long term therapist about it, and I'm trying to handle that half of things just as carefully.

I have considered it's a momentary kind of thing - that there will be normal days after this, so I'm definitley trying to slow myself down. I'm at the very least waiting until about November/maybe the new year, as most outstanding vet appts and such will be resolved by then and hopefully things will settle down, but I also have to start thinking about my life after school n whatnot... so it'll be an adventure.

I hope to keep semi-active on forums until then, because no matter what I am a bird lover. & No matter what I will make every possible effort to make the right choice (for the birds, and myself.) They absolutley deserve that, and a lot more.

Thank you for the kind words, in general. It's been really strange to admit something that feels cruel and hear a lot of genuine kindness in return, but I sincerely appreciate it

 

[GaleriaGila]

I am so touched and moved by your heart and candor. May I shar my story? Maybe it might encourage you...

My story...
I got him in 1984.
When I walked into a bird store in New Mexico 33 years ago, the Rickeybird (a 3-month-old chick) flapped and flew and scrambled into my arms, turned on his back, and grabbed my fingers with his feet. He seemed glued to me. It was a perfect storm of my impulsiveness, his instant adoration, and the fact that I had just gotten paid by my college work-study job... I took him home. The cage was to be delivered the next day, so I sat on the livingroom floor, all night, propped against a wall, with him in my lap.
Using his band, I eventually traced his breeder. We exchanged photos and letters (this was pre-'net, y'all!)... and she could have been my sister! We were both tall, thin, with long red hair and Poindexter glasses, long faces and big toothy smiles. The Rb thought his mommy (or close enough) had walked in to rescue him. And that was that.
I had a few parrot-owning friends who helped me learn how to care for him. I was fearing getting evicted due to his noise, and my family at the time HATED him. I recall struggling to make a decision, sitting on the floor of my townhouse, watching him race and skip and frolic around on the tile floor, and then run to me GRINNING, so proud to be showing off for me. I would just stare at him and be amazed: imagine --- a real parrot in my house, and it loved me! I felt so guilty and inadequate and afraid at one point that I had him in his travel cage and was planning to take him back to the bird store. I opened the front door and couldn't go through. Closed it. Sat down. Took my little love out and promised him we would stay together.
I didn't really believe it, but I wanted to. Eventually, I did. I was in college back then, and at least I could spend a lot of time with him.
Then there were years (about 25 of them) when 5-6 days a week, I was gone at 7:30-ish and back at 6-ish.
Some did and will consider me wrong and think I should have re-homed him. My husband at that time detested the bird. My current ol' man tolerates him with good humor. No, the bird wasn't responsible for the first marriage's ending!
Anyway, here is what I think made it work.
I moved and got new jobs maybe 5 times or so. BUT...
Every morning, he had at least ten minutes, and every evening, he had 20 or so. I have always kept him on a natural light schedule, in a separate room, so sometimes those times together were in the dark. During the day, he had a big window looking out on something interesting, a television on one of his favorite channels (music channels, shopping channels), a biggg cage, lots of fun foods, and a few toys that I changed out regularly).
He KNEW he could count on those two crummy sessions a day. Somehow we both made it.
I kept him pretty well socialized until we moved up North to Ohio... then, one thing led to another, and I failed him, really. He is now a one-person bird, sadly. In my defense, since he became a rooster at about 4 years of age, he really has been a little Genghis Khan. Genghis Conure, my vet calls him.
I'm now retired and times are good again. Side-note... when I first started being able to spend much more time, he was strangely aggressive and jumpy. Eventually we settled down.
I don't know if I am doing a service or a dis-service in even suggesting you keep a bird through all this heartache . I do know I can't imagine life without mine at this point.
Good luck to you in making a decision. And welcome to the Forum... you'll get lots of empathy and advice here. He's now 42 and... we made it!

 

[bbbirds2]

I am so touched and moved by your heart and candor. May I shar my story? Maybe it might encourage you...

My story...
I got him in 1984.
When I walked into a bird store in New Mexico 33 years ago, the Rickeybird (a 3-month-old chick) flapped and flew and scrambled into my arms, turned on his back, and grabbed my fingers with his feet. He seemed glued to me. It was a perfect storm of my impulsiveness, his instant adoration, and the fact that I had just gotten paid by my college work-study job... I took him home. The cage was to be delivered the next day, so I sat on the livingroom floor, all night, propped against a wall, with him in my lap.
Using his band, I eventually traced his breeder. We exchanged photos and letters (this was pre-'net, y'all!)... and she could have been my sister! We were both tall, thin, with long red hair and Poindexter glasses, long faces and big toothy smiles. The Rb thought his mommy (or close enough) had walked in to rescue him. And that was that.
I had a few parrot-owning friends who helped me learn how to care for him. I was fearing getting evicted due to his noise, and my family at the time HATED him. I recall struggling to make a decision, sitting on the floor of my townhouse, watching him race and skip and frolic around on the tile floor, and then run to me GRINNING, so proud to be showing off for me. I would just stare at him and be amazed: imagine --- a real parrot in my house, and it loved me! I felt so guilty and inadequate and afraid at one point that I had him in his travel cage and was planning to take him back to the bird store. I opened the front door and couldn't go through. Closed it. Sat down. Took my little love out and promised him we would stay together.
I didn't really believe it, but I wanted to. Eventually, I did. I was in college back then, and at least I could spend a lot of time with him.
Then there were years (about 25 of them) when 5-6 days a week, I was gone at 7:30-ish and back at 6-ish.
Some did and will consider me wrong and think I should have re-homed him. My husband at that time detested the bird. My current ol' man tolerates him with good humor. No, the bird wasn't responsible for the first marriage's ending!
Anyway, here is what I think made it work.
I moved and got new jobs maybe 5 times or so. BUT...
Every morning, he had at least ten minutes, and every evening, he had 20 or so. I have always kept him on a natural light schedule, in a separate room, so sometimes those times together were in the dark. During the day, he had a big window looking out on something interesting, a television on one of his favorite channels (music channels, shopping channels), a biggg cage, lots of fun foods, and a few toys that I changed out regularly).
He KNEW he could count on those two crummy sessions a day. Somehow we both made it.
I kept him pretty well socialized until we moved up North to Ohio... then, one thing led to another, and I failed him, really. He is now a one-person bird, sadly. In my defense, since he became a rooster at about 4 years of age, he really has been a little Genghis Khan. Genghis Conure, my vet calls him.
I'm now retired and times are good again. Side-note... when I first started being able to spend much more time, he was strangely aggressive and jumpy. Eventually we settled down.
I don't know if I am doing a service or a dis-service in even suggesting you keep a bird through all this heartache . I do know I can't imagine life without mine at this point.
Good luck to you in making a decision. And welcome to the Forum... you'll get lots of empathy and advice here. He's now 42 and... we made it!

Thank you..this is very heartwarming, personally. I am glad you and Rb stuck it out, he sounds like such a silly lovely guy.
I have seen you around the forums before I believe, and heard of Rickeybird (like a kind of legend, I guess.)

I unfortunately am not sure if I would be in this place if it was just the one of them -- but with all three, it's a little more complex. I am unfortunately also still growing myself, much like them. (Though I suppose we all are.) I've talked to my family since my initial post and while I haven't come to a decision, I am still thinking I unfortunately can't personally do all for them that they deserve. It's hard to acknoledge because they seem fairly happy, and even now watching them run around and eat, (much like you describe it's hard to imagine not having them here...and yet:

I am going to keep talking to people in my life, but I think the hardest part IS being able to imagine my life without them. It's new for me, and I'm still figuring out which part of me outweighs the other in that regard. I am more than willing to hear any side of the story though - keeping or otherwise, so thank you so much for sharing. I hope you and Rickeybird continue to have a lovely life together. <3

 

[RitzQuaker10]

In 2022, I started having various health issues and we had about 20 assorted critters. In mid 2023, I was really struggling with keeping up with everyone.
We made the decision to re-home our Goffins 'Too. He was a total love to EVERYONE, so we knew it would not be to stressful for him. We gave him to a rescue who had a home for him in a matter of weeks.
Rehoming just one critter made a huge difference in the amount of work I had to do.
So, maybe you could re-home one and see if that helps.

 

[texsize110]

I have 5 Cockatiels and 5 medium/big birds.
Not a day goes by I don’t think my life would be easier without my Cockatiels.
They can be a real pain.

They get scared at the drop of a hat (sometimes literally) and flap around and injure themselves.
Someone has to be home 24/7 just in case.

3 of them were hatched right here in this house and 2 of them are the worst with “night fright syndrome “ for lack of a better term.
We kept them warm as babies and helped feed them from the time they opened their eyes. How could I possibly rehome them.

Baby is a little old man of 25/ 26 years old and I couldn’t let him go.

In the end I could only be comfortable rehoming 2 of them and that wouldn’t make my life any easier in the end.

So I have thought about it but I am caught between a rock and a hard place.

When I am faced with a difficult decision I try to look at it as close as I can.
I think about all the positive and negative effects if I go one way and then think about it the other way.
Then try to pick the direction that has the most positive outcome.
When making a decision that involves another living creature take as much time as you need.

 

[Bradmtx58]

I'm not too sure if I'm going through the male version of menopause but, this particular post kind of left my eyes moist.
Taking on the responsibility of caring for any living thing is a huge task. We are their foundation. Although at the moment we would love to be there for them always there are times when life intervenes. As the rock you have to be firmly planted and as painful as it maybe there are times when there may be others who may step in to be that rock. As I tell the wife there's a good chance that these birds may out live our marriage. In the end hopefully you'll make the best decision that benefits both you and your birds.

 

[Jcas69]

I’m just going to be honest here, and maybe this is an unpopular opinion. But, I was taught from a young age that when I chose to bring a pet into my life, it was a commitment for the entirety of that pet’s life. I am certainly not unsympathetic to what you are dealing with. I love my animals and mostly they are a source of joy in my life. However, I have absolutely had times when my many animals have seemed like a terrible and weighty responsibility. I have had dark times of depression and dealt with chronic health issues for many years. But no matter how I feel, I always get up and take care of all my animals and have never considered getting rid of them. They are not responsible for my well being but I am responsible for their well being. That became the facts the moment I decided to bring them into my life.

I have scaled back on my animals not by rehoming them but simply by not getting new ones when certain ones die. I loved my horse for example, very much, but he was a huge source of stress and financial drain in my life so when he passed, I felt it was wise not to get another horse at this time. Realistically , many budgies don’t make it to even ten years old so your responsibility towards them may end much sooner than that eight years you are thinking. Recognizing that your birds are physically and mentally harder for you to care for is a good reason for you to not get more. But you have them now.

As someone who has volunteered and worked with shelters and rescues, the sad truth is that most are at capacity and that animals with physical handicaps or health issues are much harder to get adopted. I hope this doesn’t come off as too harsh but think long and hard about what is truly best for your birds. I know you said you are not being hasty about this, which I applaud. I have seen situations where rehoming truly is in the animal’s best interest and that is something that only you can determine. I would never judge anyone for making the choice to rehome if that’s the case. I hope you come to a decision that gives you peace.

 

[RitzQuaker10]

I’m just going to be honest here, and maybe this is an unpopular opinion. But, I was taught from a young age that when I chose to bring a pet into my life, it was a commitment for the entirety of that pet’s life.

Yes and no. When my illness first hit, I literally could do the bare minimum. Our Goffins was too people oriented to not be getting the attention he needed. The others are more adapt to be ok in their cages for longer periods. I'm better now, a bit anyhow, so that has resolved itself. He got a home that gives him all the attention he can handle.

Two years ago we were forced from our 'country' home that we were told we could buy. As soon as we were able, we were told to get out. We had a Pitbull, a dog I've always wanted. He's a huge Mama's boy, my big block head. We also had three goats we dearly loved. Try as well might, we could not find a place that was "out", ended up in city limits. Goats found a home with a large herd and after a few days of adjusting, they were happy and making new friends.
My beloved Pittie was way too big for this house... four steps and he's crossed the living room. And we're only supposed to have two dogs. I have four small girls and rehoming any of them was NOT an option. Had to get a kennel license.
I spent a LONG time finding him the right home. People would come and see him and he was less than interested, he had me.
Then one day we are waiting out on the step for someone to see him. The moment that lady stepped out of her truck, he ran to the fence, plopped his butt down, tail going a mile a minute and he's chittering like a ferret! I simply ceased to exist to him. He jumped in their truck and was like "let's go"! I found where he truly belonged, I was just a foster home and didn't know it. And he's new mom says that he is the dog they've been waiting for.

Sorry for the long rant, and this is not directed at you. But when I first started looking, I posted him on Nextdoor and a LOT of people came unglued. Nasty remarks to me, not even bothering to talk calmly about why. But, like I said, he really did belong to his new mom, just took awhile to get there. He is living the high life and I get regular updates.